In Depth:  children & youth

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

A senior child psychologist recently did a poll of the 150 young people being cared for by his department. Each young person had a regular 45-minute appointment, sat on a sofa as one of the clinical professionals asked questions and listened carefully to their answers.

These young people were asked whether they had another adult in their life who they felt they could ask to sit with them in a similar way for 45 minutes to listen to them. Only five said they did.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

The cinema was quiet. Families were coming to terms with the death of the hero. But the story was not yet over. With a crash, the stone table, where the hero had been murdered, lay cracked in two. Never again could anyone be punished on it, for their own or anyone else’s betrayal. In the silence, the little voice at the back of the cinema whispered: “Dad, what does that mean?”

This is still the question we can keep answering as we show our children and young people their slain hero in the Easter story.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

Our first child was born at about 6am. It had been a long night. I am clear that my wife had more reason to be tired than me. Giving us some early respite, our child slept through that first day. Parenting seemed easier than childbirth. It came to chucking out time, when I was being sent home for the night. I looked forward to a good night’s sleep. I was smart enough not to say that out loud. Just as my hand was on the door to leave, my wife asked a question that sent a thunderbolt through my body: “What do I do if she wakes up?”

That was the moment when I realised we were in big trouble. I knew that I had no idea what I was doing, but how could she not know? I had quietly assumed that I would be in my wife’s parenting wake. How could it be possible for us to have a child when neither of us knew what to do next?

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

I recently stayed with a Christian family. One child is still living at home, their other two are living independently. Their family’s story includes sibling anger, late diagnosis neurodiversity, multiple school moves, and a particularly painful season with one of their teenagers.

It also includes amazing family memories, others in need who have been brought into their home, their enduring trust in Christ, and supportive churches. These are experienced and godly parents!

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

I led a table at a seminar for parents on tackling screen time, organised by my local secondary school.

For the first discussion, each of the ten parents at my table told a story to illustrate why we were there. We heard about ruined holidays, sexting, repeated arguments ripping apart families, and young people who wander around their home fixed to their hand-held games console. There was a shared sense of despair. Perhaps my group wasn’t representative, but there were eight other tables. I do not see much difference in stories from church families. It is always one of the top questions we are asked in parenting seminars. I suspect in church we might just be less honest about the size of the problem.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

For one of my children, there was a three-year period straddling primary and secondary school when bedtime often meant tears.

There were long conversations in which they begged not to go to school. While much of the time was spent clarifying the law on attendance, the problem was not legal, but all about friendship. The words that kept on putting a dagger through my heart were: ‘I have no friends.’ I learnt that naming children in the class like a desperate form of bingo did not help. Nor did organising playdates. Nor did conversations with the teacher, or other parents, or even those other children themselves.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

I have a friend who grew up in Nigeria. As a child, his family would pray before going on a journey across their city.

They never felt sure that they would arrive safely or in good time. Dependence on the Lord was the air he breathed. His parents led him every day in looking to the Lord to provide.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

Three-quarters of British parents of under fives have contact with a church through its toddler group.

That is extraordinary. Is there any other ministry in our nation that is reaching three-quarters of a demographic?

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

Uncomfortable shiny shoes. A new pencil case full of stationery treats. A staged photo on the doorstep, complete with fixed grin and new uniform. This is the evidence of a new school year.

For many families, there is far more happening beneath the social media surface.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

Lucy was chopping vegetables in the kitchen when her nine-year-old daughter, Holly, said, ‘Mum, I think I might be bisexual.’

Lucy remembers putting down the knife, quietly taking a deep breath and choosing to ignore all the little voices that were screaming in her head. All good so far.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

There is an incredibly powerful song in the film The Greatest Showman called ‘This is me’.

It is sung by the cast of Barnum’s Circus. Audiences come to see them because each is in some way a ‘freak’, but together they are a tight-knit family. Against the finger-pointing and the pity, they sing together ‘This is me’. Their lives have been defined by rejection because of what they look like, whether it be their extreme height (or lack of it), their impressive beard (on a woman), their birthmarks, or their tattoos.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

When my child is crying, my prayers are different.

They have a problem and I can’t fix it. I take it to our Father in heaven. He loves my child more than I do. He has all power at His disposal. The words I pray feel like they really matter.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

Multiple surveys consistently find that about three-quarters of the UK church came to faith before they left secondary school.

This is consistent with the Bible story (Prov. 22:6, Ps.78:1-6). Given the disproportionate influence of those first two decades of life, it is vital that we understand the key effective steps in ensuring we hand our faith onto the next generation.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

It might be at school drop-off. The sweet little boy, with a mop of wild hair, runs excitedly along. His legs are moving too fast for his body, then comes that awful moment when you know he’s about to fall.

The sound of knees hitting concrete. The pause. Then the scream. Every parent steps towards him, hands out, gasps of sympathy, longing to fix it, wipe the tears and take away the pain.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

There is a corporate mantra, ‘Culture eats strategy for breakfast’.

It warns against trumpeting the five-year plan, putting up workplace posters and rolling out a training scheme for every employee without changing the culture of the team. No amount of resolutions, colourful charts and snappy sentences will bring about change unless accompanied by shared convictions and habits.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

Jake is Sarah’s eldest child. I saw Sarah on the first Sunday after she dropped Jake off at university for his first term.

She said to me: ‘It’s pathetic. I want to get into the car and drive four hours to take him to church! When I left him, I had plastered his desk with Post-it notes telling him the address of his local good church. It’s so close to him. He needs to walk out of his door, turn right, go 300 yards and walk through that door. It couldn’t be easier. But it’s up to him now.’

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

Evangelism always takes courage. The awkwardness can be real. The goal is worth it: whole families turning to Christ. Those families are best reached by Christian families.

I was in the first month of working for a church. I was young. I had no children. I was sat in the home of a couple from church (who I had only just met). That week their five-year-old had told them a story from school. She had got together with her best friend from church and had cornered a boy from their class. With their prey unable to leave, she told him: ‘You’re going to hell if you don’t become a Christian.’

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

In Uganda, for Christmas, most city dwellers head to the countryside where their families live.

Traffic jams are worse than normal. Cars are loaded up with treats that can’t be bought in the rural areas. Once they arrive, families sit together and tell their stories; they laugh, they eat and they celebrate. We heard about a Ugandan Christmas on our recent Faith in Parents podcast, ‘Christmas elsewhere’. What struck me most was that families reflect on the past year and they plan the next year – together. There is celebration in the discussion. They are not remembering their country’s progress or their team’s season or their school’s achievements. It is a celebration of their own special family. Theirs is a unique conversation.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

Have you seen the recent news footage of flash floods sweeping through towns or villages?

Twice in the last month flooding in our little corner of suburbia has made it into the national news. The crisis response is clear. The Fire Brigade is called to pump out. The strongest and fittest carry the vulnerable to safety through the water. And then the cameras return two weeks later. As the water ebbs away, so does the jovial wartime spirit. Instead, each house fills a skip with stinking carpets, broken kitchen appliances and ruined personal treasures. The clear up is usually more painful and longer lasting than the crisis.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

What is a wet dream? I was asked this by my 11-year-old son this week.

He was looking at the syllabus that had been sent home by his year six teacher. I was into my second sentence when he interrupted me: ‘Can I have the short version?’ I was encouraged by that. He has noticed that whenever we talk about issues around biology and sex, I give full answers and ask him questions. This is partly to compensate for the huge awkwardness I inevitably feel. I think I may have over-compensated!

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

It’s the common question. It’s a good question. As a parent, I want to know the answer. On occasion, I think I have asked my own children.

There are two ways to answer this question.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

I write books of family Bible times and I want to inspire parents to raise their children knowing Christ, but my own family Bible times are rarely inspirational.

I have a photo (not shown here) of me leading our family Bible time. I am sat in the middle of the sofa with my Bible open. Two of my children are curled over the arms of the sofa, their backs to me. Only my youngest seems engaged, and that is because my arm is clamped round his waist so he can’t escape. I use this photo because it captures our normal. Here is what I have learnt, with my own family, through all the mistakes, frustration and confusion.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

My friend, Amanda, vividly remembers the moment it all fell apart during a family Bible time. I’ll let her tell the story…

‘Halfway through, my 13-year-old daughter lay down on the kitchen bench to go to sleep, my 11-year-old son put his head on the table and closed his eyes, and my seven-year-old daughter decided it was the moment to practise her cartwheels. It all felt too hard, and tears started rolling down my face. That was the moment I was tempted to give up. Tempted to think it was all a waste of time. It was only God’s kindness that motivated me to keep going.’

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

Christmas is not cancelled. I promise. The angel Gabriel will terrify Mary, baby Jesus will be laid in a manger and the shepherds will run through Bethlehem with the good news of great joy for everyone.

Emmanuel will still be ‘God with us’ despite social distancing. In fact, ‘God with us’ will mean all the more this year. The Son of God chose to enter our lockdown, joining us in our struggles by becoming a child in an unsettled family. He gets it.

helping children find faith

Ed Drew

During lockdown I was told that there are usually three stages to a crisis. I see these responses in the lives of the families I know, including my own.

1. Emergency response. The first weeks of lockdown. Hard work. Getting by. Running on adrenaline. Late nights. Early mornings. The crisis feels very real. Is our family safe? Is there food on the table? Eventually, we realise that lockdown isn’t ending anytime soon.