Five lessons on family Bible times (learnt the hard way!)

I write books of family Bible times and I want to inspire parents to raise their children knowing Christ, but my own family Bible times are rarely inspirational.

I have a photo (not shown here) of me leading our family Bible time. I am sat in the middle of the sofa with my Bible open. Two of my children are curled over the arms of the sofa, their backs to me. Only my youngest seems engaged, and that is because my arm is clamped round his waist so he can’t escape. I use this photo because it captures our normal. Here is what I have learnt, with my own family, through all the mistakes, frustration and confusion.

Focus on years, not moments.

I remember speaking to a friend about his experience growing up doing daily family Bible times. I wanted to hear how theirs had gone. He said: “I remember them happening. Maybe they weren’t every day. I remember not being that interested. I can remember the time Dad’s chair broke underneath him. I just knew they were part of our day. I am so grateful they were.” Settle for the mundane. Encourage engagement. Pray for a daily work of the Spirit. But just do them. Let it be their normal. Faith is for the years.

Go for ‘our way’, not ‘my way’.

My youngest is too young to read or think conceptually. Instead, he needs a Lego model, some pictures or a moment of drama. I don’t have the energy for it. My eldest struggles to ponder deeply, quickly becoming frustrated that she can’t answer questions. As a parent, I want our devotions to be deep and disciplined. They never are, because my children are children. When we sit down together, I need to arrive loving them for who they are, delighted to have this opportunity and ready to be patient with them.

Persevere in the face of failure.

After our Bible times I often feel a failure. But tomorrow is a new day. I know a single mother who came to faith late. Her memories of Bible times with her three children are scarred by that feeling of total failure. Yet her adult son now says: ‘Doing daily devotions is the most precious gift that you gave me and my sisters. It didn’t just teach me to build my life on the Scriptures, it’s the reason I now feel so at home in them.’

Look for the encouragements.

I once asked an experienced teacher to wander around our church’s Sunday School. Her feedback was a revelation: ‘Your leaders are prepared, enthusiastic and knowledgeable. But they never offer warmth or encouragement to the children.’ Children long for our praise. I need to search for what my children are doing well. Praise the prayer. Applaud the answer. Commend the comment.

Bible times are a pleasure, not an ordeal.

In these strange times, more than ever before, our children need to meet Jesus. As I wrote a book of family Bible times, I was struck that sitting my family around Jesus to hear His voice, to watch His gentleness, and to talk together, is a gift beyond measure. But for most families, it won’t happen easily or by accident. If it feels too hard, make a deal with your children that it will all be done in just ten minutes. Start a timer and put it out of the way. Tell them this is the highlight of your day. Plenty of energy. Get them talking. When the timer buzzes; stop and pray together. You’re done. Tell them why you loved it. Was their behaviour great? Were they super honest? Did they pray out loud? Did they listen to each other? There will be something (even if you’re feeling despair inside). If you can manage to do it for three or four days so there is a routine and a sense of expectation, then the battle will lessen. God bless you in this. Pray, knowing God is for you. You’re doing great.