Leader, are you an 'accepter' or a 'controller'?

What do you think is the opposite of a "control freak"?

I found that question difficult to answer, so I put it into You-Know-What and it came up with lots of suggestions, including "pushover", "soft touch" and "doormat".

I’d like to be kinder than that, so for the sake of argument (and this article), could we agree on "accepting"?

'Accepters' and 'controllers'

Now I’m no psychologist, but it seems to me that we’re all on a spectrum. No, not that spectrum, but one that has "controlling" at one end and "accepting" at the other.

If "accepting" was "one" and controlling was "ten", where would you place yourself? And, probably more importantly, where would your church place you?

Now I’m not saying that there’s an ideal godly "score" here. It seems to me that whether you’re accepting or controlling has more to do with your upbringing and the way the Lord has wired you.

What I am saying is that, when it comes to leadership, "accepting" and "controlling" have their own different temptations.

Here are four areas (I’m sure there are more) in which accepters and controllers face hugely differing temptations.

1. First, leadership. That’s something that has been hugely under attack in recent years; so much so that it’s become easy to shrink back from actually leading. Both controllers and accepters have pretty poor leadership styles.
   
   Arguably, accepters, seeking to be safe from the dangers of coercive control, can be tempted to do almost no leading at all. (Rather like the leader I once heard say that he works out the way his people are going and then walks in front of them.)
   
   And extreme controllers? I can’t see much of that in Jesus’ style of leadership in the New Testament, which of course, is the subject of many, many good books…
   
   
2. Second, DIY. This may be more the domain of the controller, who secretly thinks, "There’s only one good way of doing things, and it’s the way I do it. So it’s better to do it myself." Others don’t get much of a look in. And you get overworked.
   
   At the accepting end, the temptation would be more along the lines of thinking that, "Jesus grows His church, so I don’t need to do much other than be a godly presence... I am, after all, a human being, not a human doing…" Ever tempted to be just plain lazy?
   
   
3. Third, leadership development. It seems to me that both controllers and accepters aren’t always great at developing leaders. It may be that they don’t give opportunities (the temptation would be to think, "I’ve got to keep control...") or don't give feedback ("I don’t like doing it because I’m not good at it and it feels a bit confrontational").
   
   Or, if you’re more of an accepter, maybe there is no direction to your church ("Jesus is our leader, and anyway it’s not my skill set"), or there's simply no intention of growing other leaders because it’s all a bit threatening ("To be honest with myself, I don’t think I’d find that easy to cope with").
   
   
4. Fourth, frustration. Both extreme controllers and extreme accepters can be incredibly frustrating to work with.
   
   Say you work with an extreme accepter. You want to grow and improve, but everything you do is wonderful, and they never, ever give you any proper feedback. Nothing to "work on" or "think about".
   
   Or you work with a control freak, who constantly changes things you’ve done, often without any reference to you. How frustrating is that! So, are you tempted to do things that those you lead find a tad frustrating on occasion?

I don’t write any of this to criticise or complain, but rather that as leaders we may be a touch more self-aware, a touch more prayerful about our personalities, and become, by God’s grace, slightly better leaders.

Now, is there anything you’d like to pray about?