Friendly church? Love more and more!

A CHURCH THAT CARES
A Biblical Guide to Loving One Another Well
By Helen Thorne-Allenson
The Good Book Co. 155 pages, £9.99
ISBN 978 1 802 544 015

BECOMING A FRIENDLIER CHURCH: A Pathway to Genuine Community
By Matthew D. Kim
Baker Books. 167 pages. £16.99
ISBN 978 1 540 906 144

Jesus speaks to one of the churches in Asia and says that they have a “name for life but are dead”! I thought of that when reading these two books.

Most churches would like to think that they are loving, caring and friendly. In practice some churches are none of these. As in many areas of the Christian life, perception does not live up to the performance.

Thorne-Allenson has written a book that is Biblical, perceptive and practical. Three of the 14 chapters deal with the principles of caring well: Call – Culture – Struggle. The author reminds us that being a caring church matters, describes what care looks like, and faces up to the reality that being a caring church can be hard and comes with a cost.

Section 2 contains 11 chapters that unpack the practicalities of caring well. These are packed with so many good things. Let me pick out four: I liked the way that the author chose prayer as the first of the practicalities. I guess with any activity for Christians, prayer is an excellent place to start. Secondly, I valued the section on attentiveness, with its reminder of being committed to active listening that is creative, careful, and promotes the flourishing of others. Thirdly, I was helped by the emphasis on vision setting, with its reminder that “vision needs clear outboxes for change”. Fourthly, there is a surprisingly good chapter on preaching and teaching. In this, the author suggests that those preaching and teaching in the church should intentionally up their game in helping people to benefit from what they are saying. I teach preaching, but I found what was said in this chapter very helpful.

It would be valuable for church leaderships to buy copies of the book; read it carefully and then spend a morning or a series of evenings reflecting on how being a more loving church could be put higher up their agenda. The book would also make an excellent resource for small groups (it includes good questions at the end of each chapter).

Friendliness is an offshoot of loving care. How do we assess if we are a friendly church? Sometimes we can imagine that because we are enjoying a coffee and a chat with someone at the back of the church after the service that everyone is experiencing the same friendly welcome. Churches can sometimes be friendly for those who are well-connected, of the same temperament or tribe, but it can be difficult to penetrate the “inner ring”. Matthew Kim has written a thoughtful book on the subject.

Kim is a second-generation Korean American, who studied as a Ph.D. student in Edinburgh, taught for many years in New England, and now teaches in Texas. He has experience of the colour of his skin being a reason for people to treat him with some suspicion, or simply not to notice him at all.

I sometimes ask the question as a preacher: “Who are the invisible people in your church?” Kim is painfully honest when he writes: “I have worshipped the Lord with many churches across North America and beyond. Most of the churches I’ve visited have been lacking in friendliness.”

Kim’s book helps churches look at how they welcome, integrate and nurture those who are new. It explores why churches are unfriendly and what they can do to rectify the situation. At times one could do with a bit more detail, for example: what does it look like for an evangelical church to be friendly toward those from an LGBTQIA+ background?

Reading these two books reminded me of Paul’s comment in 1 Thessalonians 4v9-10, where he praises their exemplary love for one another: “…we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more.” Look at these books and identify the areas where your church has room for improvement and reflect on the strategies that might help you be more friendly, caring and loving. Visitors will thank you for it!