Whose approval are we seeking?

One of the most captivating autobiographies that I’ve read in recent years is that of the late Matthew Perry. He was adored by millions of people across the globe for his role in one of the most beloved sitcoms of the past 30 years called Friends. He brought his own unique sense of warmth and humour to his much-loved character Chandler.

Once the dust had settled on his death, I remember hearing someone remark that Chandler was the person Matthew Perry truly wanted to be in real life, but wasn’t. His autobiography doesn’t just reveal a man who "had his demons" but a soul that struggled deeply with the need for approval.

He said this in an interview about performing in front of a live audience: "I felt like I was going to die if the live audience didn't laugh, and it's not healthy for sure… if I didn't get the laugh I was supposed to get, I would freak out. I felt that every single night. This pressure left me in a bad place."

Approval

Few of us will experience the pressure and expectation that comes with the spotlight like Perry did. However, I imagine the articulation of his experience is deeply relatable in many smaller ways. That social media post that no one "liked". That piece of work that you grafted on and yet no one in the office saw. That new outfit that no one commented on. The way you served at church which no one noticed.

I find these cravings lurking deceptively in my heart all the time. My heart is not short of justifying excuses. However, when I face the reality, those cravings for self-glory are both deceptively ugly and a thief of joy. When you distil it down, it’s all a question of whose praise really matters to us.

The love of Christ

The Apostle Paul’s religious CV was mightily impressive - he was the poster boy of Judaism. If you were a Jewish mother, here’s the man you dream that your daughter would begin to court. Moreover, he must be assuming the Lord’s favour. His impeccable credentials would have led him to believe that he had a sparkling future ahead of him in the religious world. He describes himself elsewhere as advancing beyond many of his peers (Galatians 1v14).

However, a CV like Paul's could tempt a person into becoming self-confident. And the problem with a heart that is preoccupied with self-confidence is that it always wants more; there’s always more praise to be sought, opinions to win over and mountains to be conquered. It’s an exhausting and debilitating way to live. Moreover, self-confidence is an offence to a holy God who promises to cast down the proud.

Paul's life, however, is a trophy to the transforming power of the grace of Christ; he outlines his religious credentials in the context of outlining how much grace has triumphed in his life. I find Paul's heart-on-his-sleeve words in Philippians 3 both insightful and liberating. "For it is we who are the circumcision, we who serve God by his Spirit, who boast in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh—though I myself have reasons for such confidence.

If someone else thinks they have reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for righteousness based on the law, faultless.

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ..." (Philippians 3v3-8).

Here’s a man set on outlining his best for the purpose of showing us his worst; this certainly runs contrary to the Roman mindset that’s pulsing through the streets of Philippi. It is wonderfully intriguing.

That former life was "garbage". A written confession like that is the product of a heart completely secure in the love and work of Christ.

Grace, identity and freedom

There is a greater and more satisfying story to be embraced. In the words of Matthew Roberts: "Those who abandon their idols, and the false identities they give, in favour of worshipping the Triune God in Christ, discover an identity infinitely more satisfying – because it is their true identity."

In a world that encourages us to live for something, the liberating message of the gospel is that grace allows us to live from something.

The believer is both outed at the cross as a sinful rebel without a cause and pursued as one chosen in eternity past whose name is written in the Lamb’s book of life. The verdict is in. His love for us is certain and unfailing. His knowledge of us is perfect. His heart for us is steadfast.

Ultimately, His is the only praise that matters and it is more than enough to satisfy our weary and restless souls for all that is ahead. There’s true liberty to be found in living out of our sonship in Christ.