Why we shouldn’t assume

“Do not assume” is a rule that can serve us well in pastoral care. It is an exhortation not to jump to conclusions. That we should not let prior assumptions determine the view we take of the person or situation before us.

There is, of course, a counter balance. Gaining experience in pastoral ministry is valuable. The more people we have met who struggle with anxiety or addictions, or anything else really, the better we will understand those struggles and the wiser we will be in giving support.

The practicalities of not assuming

Yet, “do not assume” has value both for practical and theological reasons. At a practical level, it helps ensure we understand the language people use. One person who has “been a bit down recently” means they’re not their irrepressibly cheerful normal self. Another can be describing a dark mood with thoughts of self-harm. We won’t know which it is unless we ask some more questions.

The theology of not assuming

There are also theological grounds for “do not assume”. The prophet Jeremiah tells us that the heart is deceitful and hard to understand (Jer.17v9). This does not mean we abandon all efforts to understand another person’s heart, but it does alert us to the difficulty. Sin has a blinding effect – it clouds our knowledge – both our knowledge of God and also our knowledge of ourselves. Asking questions helps uncover things that are initially obscure, often even to the person we are talking with.

There is another, more sinister, side to this deceitfulness. John’s Gospel puts it in these terms: people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed (John 3v19-20). Here, “not assuming” means considering the possibility that either we are being actively deceived or that shame may be preventing us from hearing the full picture. Things may be much worse than they seem. This is often true in situations of domestic abuse when what is described (either by perpetrator or victim) will frequently be just the tip of the iceberg.

Finally, we should acknowledge how deceitfulness in our own hearts can lead us to wrong assumptions. We might, for example, fear uncovering a level of complexity that is beyond us and, almost without realising it, prefer to assume things are simpler than they really are. Alternatively, we might so badly want to feel helpful and successful that we exaggerate someone’s progress and overlook persisting problems.

But as well as missing hard things, we can miss good things too.

God, and His gospel, is ever surprising. When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dreamed, says the psalmist (Ps.126v1). It’s as if God’s people can barely bring themselves to believe the blessing God has brought. It’s like a dream come true – almost as though they need to pinch themselves to be sure this really has happened.

There is something “almost too good to be true” about grace. When we see the Spirit at work in a person’s heart, it will often amaze us. Even Jesus was “amazed” when He saw the faith of the centurion (Matt. 8v10). We shouldn’t, therefore, assume “God won’t” or “God can’t”. Grace breaking in and the transformation of a person’s heart is always possible.

Not assuming, then, also extends in this direction. We should ask questions which look for unexpected good, and unanticipated growth and change, convinced that God “is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us” (Eph.3v20).

“Do not assume” is a rule which serves us well in pastoral care in two very different ways. First, it warns us against assuming things are fine, because sometimes they won’t be. Secondly, it tells us not to assume things are hopeless, because with God that is never true. It’s a perspective that produces in us a strange mix of caution without cynicism and optimism without naiveté.