In depth | Evangelicals Now

Stop rehearsing 'your list’ of past hurts

Helen Thorne-Allenson

One of the wisest pieces of advice I have ever been given is: “Stop rehearsing the list.”

Many of us have lists: the list of ways someone has wronged us; the list of things we would have said in that discussion if we’d thought a little more quickly or the list of ways someone has misjudged something we’ve been involved in.

Many church leaders say denominational support is lacking

Lydia Houghton

Church workers and spouses of Christian leaders say they have been negatively impacted by their denomination.

When asked to rate the benefit of denominational support in sustaining them, 13% of those surveyed spoke of a negative impact and 36% said it was of no benefit at all.

pastoral care

Why we shouldn’t assume

Steve Midgley

“Do not assume” is a rule that can serve us well in pastoral care. It is an exhortation not to jump to conclusions. That we should not let prior assumptions determine the view we take of the person or situation before us.

There is, of course, a counter balance. Gaining experience in pastoral ministry is valuable. The more people we have met who struggle with anxiety or addictions, or anything else really, the better we will understand those struggles and the wiser we will be in giving support.

Want spiritual resilience? Try this...

Dave Burke

I live near a Christian retreat centre equipped with a labyrinth made of turf. A labyrinth is not a maze. In a maze there is more than one path so you can get lost or finish up in a dead-end. If you like, a maze can picture life without Christ, choosing your own way and living with the consequences.

By contrast a labyrinth has been used for centuries as a metaphor of the Christian way. There is only one path through, you make no choices about your route, you will reach your destination if you just keep going.

pastoral care

Talking politics

Helen Thorne-Allenson

Never talk about religion or politics – that’s the rule of polite conversation, I believe. The advice steers us away from talking about things that might cause controversy because controversy can leave people hurt – and it is an inescapable fact that talking politics can indeed be tricky, explosive at times.

Conversation about policies, parties and particular issues can divide brothers and sisters in Christ, it can break relationships and fuel distrust. But as Christians who care deeply about the people around us, who are committed to praying for our leaders (1 Tim.2 v1-2), and who are passionate about justice and protecting the vulnerable (Micah 6v8), it’s quite tricky not to talk about politics. Indeed, whilst temporal things are nowhere near as important as eternal things, the huge impact that governments have on the big issues of our day means that it’s essential to talk politics at least from time to time.

Pastor, have you hit 'rock bottom'?

Dave Burke

The Daily Telegraph recently featured a ten-year-long study of 500 Anglican clergy revealing that 41 per cent felt demoralised, 40 per cent felt isolated, and 35 per cent showed signs of possible mild clinical depression^[1].

It should be no surprise; Christian ministry is psychologically demanding.

updates from the mission field

Why caring for mission partners matters

Kerstin Prill

Caring well for mission partners can make the difference between silent struggle that leads to early departure and the reassurance needed to continue faithfully in ministry.

But what support is needed and who is best placed to provide it? How can agencies, sending churches and personal supporters offer meaningful care? And what would help mission partners communicate their needs with honesty and confidence?

loving your digital neighbour

Christians, cybersecurity is important

Tristram Ridley-Jones

In our previous article, Cybersecurity: Loving your (digital) neighbour, we established that protecting the personal data of our congregation is a modern act of stewardship, integrity, and pastoral care. Just as Nehemiah rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem, we are called to post a guard at our digital gates.

However, a wall is only as strong as the watchman who stands upon it. The greatest risk to a church's security is often not a sophisticated external hacker, but a simple human error - a click on a malicious link. This is not a judgment on a lack of faith, but a call to practical wisdom and equipping our ministry teams with a "sound mind" (2 Timothy 1v7) to spot digital deception.

pastoral care

The darkest of all sins?

Steve Midgley

What would you identify as the most damaging and disturbing of all sins? Of all our failings and missteps, what has the deepest, darkest and most long-lasting negative impact?

There are, sadly, many contenders. Personally, I think a strong case can be made for the sin of lying – those times when we deliberately mislead others by communicating something false. It’s probably not the most obvious choice. It’s also a sin we trivialise – referring to “little white lies” and being “economical with the truth” – phrases which suggest there are lies that are necessary, perhaps even loving.

pastoral care

Helping believers in conspiracy theories

Helen Thorne-Allenson

Conspiracy theories have always been part of human life (since the Fall at least). These false narratives, often claiming special insight into some event or the way life works, are repeated with passion despite flying in the face of truth. And with the growth of social media, internet celebrities now have a limitless platform to share what’s “really going on”.

Proponents use power to lead people astray. Sometimes with the odd Bible verse thrown in to provide an air of legitimacy, they suck congregation members into their misguided thinking and claim special knowledge of God. “This is who is really controlling the government…”; “This is what really happened behind that news article…”; “This is what is really being slipped into our food…”; “The truth is only to be found here”. It’s dangerous. It’s divisive. But for some in our churches, it’s alluring.

loving your digital neighbour

Cybersecurity: Loving your (digital) neighbour

Tristram Ridley-Jones

It is a Tuesday morning in the church office. The administrator sits down, coffee in hand, to process the weekly DBS checks for the new Sunday School volunteers. It is a mundane, administrative task, a "Martha" moment in a world that often prizes "Mary" spirituality. But in today's day and age, this simple act of administration has become a frontline of spiritual stewardship.

Last year, the data breach involving the Access Personal Checking Services (APCS) (a third-party supplier used by many dioceses and Christian organisations) served as a stark wake-up call. It reminded us that the church is not invisible to the digital threats that prowl the modern world. For many church leaders, terms like "phishing," "ransomware," and "two-factor authentication" feel like a distraction from the Great Commission. They would rather talk about grace than firewalls.

Did you know that anxiety is contagious?

Matt Waldock

At least once a year a member of the staff team will drag themselves into the office with their nose running, full of cold and with a hacking cough; then everyone else will roll their eyes in the knowing frustration that unless their immune system is like an athlete, it’s only a matter of time before the whole team gets sick.

But what if there is a far more dangerous contagion that stalks among our congregations? That contagion is anxiety.

Why theology and psychology need to be friends

Dave Burke

Please note: This article contains reference to attempted suicide and mental distress. For help and support, see the bottom of this page.

I ran downstairs to answer the doorbell and found a paramedic waiting, his ambulance on the road behind him with its engine still running.

pastoral care

Planks and self-awareness

Steve Midgley

Some of the teaching of Jesus can be so familiar that it doesn’t land nearly as richly, and forcibly, as it should. Our familiarity can mean we distil Jesus’ words to an abbreviated version which, while seeming to capture the essence, is missing much of the point.

Jesus teaching about specks and planks (or logs if you prefer) is a case in point. When He first spoke these words, one might imagine the reaction was rather mixed. Some, envisioning the ludicrous picture Jesus was conjuring up, may well have enjoyed the humour of the imagery. But this imagery had an uncomfortable punchline. Thoughtful hearers would soon have been wrestling with the deeper meaning.

Why is being a pastor ‘a noble task’? Could you be one?

Alasdair Paine

In December 1926, a 27-year-old doctor, Martyn Lloyd-Jones, left a London medical career in which he was making stellar progress to become pastor of a small church in a steelmaking town in South Wales. His move provoked public astonishment, even reaching the papers. Headlines included this: “Leading Doctor Turns Pastor: Large Income Given Up for £300 a year.”

One result of his move was that he was sometimes asked to give his testimony about the sacrifice he had made. He always refused. On one such occasion, he said: “I gave up nothing. I received everything. I count it the highest honour that God can confer on any man to call him to be a herald of the gospel.”1

Rooted shepherds: A vision for healthy pastoral ministry

Dan Steel

In a busy, bustling world, healthy pastoral ministry begins not with motion, but with a kind of stillness, an abiding, a willingness to dwell where God has placed you, even when your heart feels tired or stretched thin.

Many pastors and ministry leaders quietly carry the weight of wondering whether they should be doing more, producing more, or moving on to something larger. Yet the gospel’s invitation is gentler than that.

Do you see how far you've come?

Graeme Shanks

It’s a testing time of year for many of us. I mean that quite literally.

If you’re at school, you’ll soon receive an end of term report card. If you’re a student, you’ll likely have upcoming exams. If you’re a worker, you’ll likely have an annual review looming on the horizon. Our daily lives are full of metrics by which success is measured and goals are set. Have we progressed or regressed?

pastoral care

When those ungodly emotions return

Helen Thorne-Allenson

As the winter nights draw in, the log burner in our house gets used a little more. In the evenings, the flames dance – towards the end of the night, they diminish – soon there are just embers to be seen – eventually the fire goes out. Sometimes, however, that is not the end of the story. Sometimes – seemingly out of nowhere – the flames revive, and they can be fierce.

Some of us will know something similar in our sanctification. Something happens – our ungodly emotions or words run hot – but, with prayer and a Bible-centred pursuit of change, we become more like Christ. Sometimes the ungodly emotions feel as if they have disappeared; it feels like a victory has been won, but then they seem to re-emerge in a flash. Anger ignites, reviving hurts from the past; jealousy overwhelms as an unwanted memory pops up. Something we thought was long dealt with comes rushing back.

Tending to our souls in a distracting world

Dan Steel

Pastoral ministry has always been demanding, but our current age presents a peculiar challenge: distraction. (Even as I write this I realise I’ve forgotten to turn off notifications!)

The constant hum of tones and beeps, the relentless pull of emails, the lure of social media, and the subtle pressure to appear productive all conspire to scatter our attention.

pastoral care

How do we grow resilient?

Andrew Collins

Pastoral ministry calls for resilience. As we carry one another’s burdens we carry the weight that Paul called “concern for the churches” (2 Corinthians 11v28). It’s a pressure that reveals our weakness. To bring the riches of the gospel in pastoral care is a privilege. But we carry that treasure in earthen vessels (2 Corinthians 4v7) that are breakable and perishable. Clay pots were utensils that lacked resilience.

Resilience as a concept has its origins in the world of engineering where it denoted a material that could recover from the strain or deformation caused by stress, hence the popular shorthand, “bouncing back”. But clay jars aren’t very malleable!

pastoral care

Navigating the workplace as a Christian: When meetings are tense

Helen Thorne-Allenson

Every so often we have a meeting that does not end well – a meeting where tempers fray, division is evident and maybe unkind words are spoken.

Hopefully it does not happen often, but when it does it hurts. Chairing meetings like that can take it out of us. And, once home, it is easy to let ungodly thoughts go round our head.

pastoral care

Is 'don't worry, God's in charge' really enough?

Steve Midgley

“Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.” Some phrases trip off the tongue very easily, yet so often fail to deliver the reassurance we intend.

“Don’t worry, God’s in charge” is a closely related Christian alternative. God is, of course, in charge. But how often those words fail to speak to anxious ears.

pastoral care

How to handle encouragement: Take it, turn it, track it!

Helen Thorne-Allenson

“Brilliant sermon – thank you”. “I really appreciate your ministry”. “You are so good at pastoral care”.

Let’s be honest, those phrases don’t happen every day, but it is a joy when they appear. Amid the heavy workloads, spinning plates, regular discouragements, and deep awareness of our own limitations, most of us in ministry (paid or unpaid) appreciate a bit of praise. A modern-day Barnabas can make a real difference to our day. They can spur us on. Give us courage to persevere.

scattering seeds of hope

A message from one broken person to another

Anna Jones

Life in my thirties looked somewhat sorted out, at least from the outside.

I was married, had three children, worked part-time, and was active in my local church. I ran the toddler group, played piano on a Sunday, led evangelistic Bible studies for young mums, and even signed for a young deaf man in the evening service.

pastoral care

What is the most underrated quality in the Christian life?

Steve Midgley

Of the many qualities worthy of note in the Christian life, surely one of the most underrated must be perseverance.

Perseverance isn’t showy. It’s not a quality to raise the temperature or quicken the pulse. Perseverance is one of those things that just presses on in the background. New things get noticed. Exciting fresh initiatives draw praise. But perseverance? It’s a quality that only seems to get noticed when it disappears.

pastoral care

When there are no words

Helen Thorne-Allenson

Sometimes we do not know what to say. Those moments when a friend tells us of a terminal diagnosis – those days when we watch horrors unfold on the international scene – those times we visit someone whose ill health is not improving, has not improved for many a year, and our question “How are you doing?” is simply met with the familiar “The same.” Sometimes no words of hope spring to mind.

It can be frustrating to be without a response. Most of us, in church circles, want to be able to say something that encourages – something that brings hope. Indeed, those of us in any position of responsibility can sometimes feel a real pressure to come up with a great thought – an apt Bible verse – that is going to make a real difference. Of course, we’re humble enough to know we cannot make everything better, but surely we should be able to make some inroads, we think.

Biblical views on trauma aired

en staff

Trauma was the topic at this year’s Biblical Counselling UK (BCUK) conference, attended by more than 300 people.

Ben Epps, Co-Pastor of Longmeadow Evangelical Church, Stevenage, told en that trauma is “deep, unprocessed pain caused by an overwhelming event.”

pastoral care

Getting to grips with trauma

Steve Midgley

Every now and again in pastoral ministry we come across something unfamiliar. And in such circumstances our response, sometimes, is simply to retreat.

Partly that might be driven by a godly concern that, out of ignorance, we will say or do something that proves unhelpful. There may also be elements of a concern that is rather less godly – that of appearing ignorant or looking foolish.

pastoral care

Is love really in the air?

Helen Thorne-Allenson

Love is in the air. Or that is what the world would have us believe at the beginning of February.

Online adverts abound for that romantic getaway, that perfect gift – and there are a plethora of articles to read on what he/she ‘truly wants’. Of course, for Christians, love is never a seasonal thing. We are called to love our God, love our neighbours (Mark 12:30-31) – even love our enemies (Matt. 5:44) – each and every day. And love, in Biblical terms, is rooted in truth, faithfulness, mercy and grace, not just warm fluffy feelings.

pastoral care

How should leaders lead?

Steve Midgley

Leadership is having a hard time.

Appalling abuses of power in Christian circles sit within a broader suspicion of power and authority. Some speak of a crisis in recruitment to pastoral ministry. Seeing the demands of leadership, and those who fail, perhaps it is no surprise that people aren’t clamouring to join up.

pastoral care

Building a grace-infused small group

Helen Thorne-Allenson

The local church is designed to be a diverse place. One where people of different ethnicities, languages, personalities, education, and experience can do life together under the lordship of Christ.

There is a beauty in that diversity – it’s a little foretaste of the heavenly banquet – but it can make for some complexity along the way.

The unseen cost of boarding school: pain, healing, and the gospel

Carl Chambers

There is a malady which affects the souls, bodies and lives of many men and women, but is barely spoken about. Few understand it, while many subconsciously deny it, whether through ignorance or fear or shame. It may affect someone you know personally, and almost certainly affects people who have had an influence on your life.

What is it and how is it caused?

This malady is called 'Boarding School Syndrome' (BSS). I call it 'Prep School Pain'.

pastoral care

How can we offer safe care?

Andrew Collins

God is concerned about safety and protection. He is a refuge: a place of safety where we can be protected from danger, where we can hide and feel safe from harm. God is a shield of protection, a rock to hide behind, a wing to take shelter beneath, a father in whose arms we are safely embraced.

One day we will be safe forever in Christ from all threats and dangers. But, even now, God is concerned that His church is a place of care and growth, safe from harmful words and actions (think James, for example, and warnings against favouritism, gossip, in-fighting and anger).

Have we lost confidence in the Bible?

Karen Soole

Google’s Ngram Viewer is a fun way to waste time online. You can search Google’s book database and discover how common a word’s usage has been over time.

If, for example, you searched for the word ‘depression’, you will see two peaks, one in 1934 and another in 2011. ‘Shell shock’ peaks in 1919. Type in the word ‘trauma’, and you will see its usage rise on a continual uphill graph from almost nothing in 1900; similar happens to the word ‘triggering’. The term PTSD rose from nothing in the 1970s to a sharp peak today.

pastoral care

What’s the care structure in your church?

Helen Thorne-Allenson

‘Do I have the right pastoral care structures in my church?’ It’s a question I get asked a great deal. It’s a question to which there is no easy answer, because different churches will need different structures.

What’s appropriate will be dependent on the age of the church (church plants and established churches will work in very different ways); the size of the church; the culture of the area; the gifts of the leaders and congregation members; and the theological convictions on matters such as authority, governance and pastoral roles. But there are some questions churches can ask themselves to begin to tease out if their pastoral structure is apt, and here are a few:

the pastor's toolkit

Pastors: one year in and struggling?

Phil Moon

Am I the only one to notice that there seems to be such a thing as a 'first year dive’? It may be my imagination, but I think there's something to it.

I have a number of friends and know of several others who've got about one year in to a first position of responsibility – where you’re the senior pastor or vicar – and suddenly it hits them.

pastoral care

A vital question for churches

Steve Midgley

Jesus famously declared: ‘It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners’ (Mark 2:17).

It raises an interesting question about our churches – perhaps you have come across it before – ‘Which do our churches most resemble: a group of people waiting for a job interview or those waiting in a doctor’s surgery?’

Is it fair to share our suffering with others?

Emily Lucas

How often do we hear these words spoken by those in pain, suffering and anguish?

'I’m sorry, it’s unfair to burden you with this…'

pastoral care

Transparency: How see-through should we be?

Steve Midgley

In recent years transparency has become a value of increasing importance. In relation to safeguarding, transparency guards against abuse. Where abuse in church settings has come to light, a lack of transparency in leadership is often one of the factors that allows the abuse to persist. Making transparency a key value in church life guards against this.

Moreover, there are good theological reasons for transparency. The apostle Paul urges the Ephesian Christians to ‘have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them’ (Eph.5:11). This echoes a comment in John’s Gospel that ‘whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God’ (John 3:21).

How to live in a ‘negative world’

Kenneth Brownell

Aaron Renn is one of the most perceptive commentators on American evangelicalism as well as the broader culture.

A few years ago, he turned an online post into an article for First Things, an influential American journal on Christian public engagement, in which he described what he called the three worlds of evangelicalism. It became one of the most read and talked-about articles in the Christian world and even the secular media in the United States. He has now turned the article into a book.

Are we too busy and distracted to hear Jesus?

‘Was that the doorbell? Did you hear something?’ One of my greatest frustrations is getting an email saying that a parcel is going to be delivered, waiting in all morning for it, and then going to the front door – only to discover a passive-aggressive card that claims ‘We tried to deliver’. Did you? Really?

Mind you, there have been times when the delivery person has rung the bell and knocked on the door, but I have been too busy to answer. Honestly thinking that what I was doing was far more important. Every time I see that little card I start to wonder – what have I missed?

pastoral care

Be gentle – or else!

Helen Thorne-Allenson

It is so very easy to find a reason not to be gentle. Whether it is within the family, in a debate at church, or in a forum online, most of us are experts at justifying unkind words.

In the face of, what seems to us, others’ unwise, unmeasured, ungodly or simply unthought-through comments, we may quickly default to snapping, lashing out, responding tersely, or putting others down. At times, we may regret our lack of gentleness but, more often, we reassure ourselves that our response was appropriate. After all, some people really do say (or write) the most unhelpful things.

Clinical depression

Date posted: 1 Apr 2024

Dear Editor,

Thank you to the two brave people who shared their experiences of clinical depression. One can easily hear how the experience of depression was accompanied by a sense of loneliness and isolation from the One who never leaves us. I long for the day when people do not experience either stigma within the church or shame from the self for experiencing psychological distress or mental illness.

pastoral care

Do you enter ‘preaching mode’ in your conversations?

Steve Midgley

Preaching and talking are different. But although we know that, sometimes we seem to forget.

Most of us listen to sermons on a regular basis, and if we’ve been a Christian for any length of time, our sermon count will be in the hundreds, if not thousands. Maybe it is unsurprising then that, perhaps without quite realising it, preaching mode can begin to feature in our conversations about Jesus. And that can be deeply unhelpful.

Feeling beleaguered? Back to the beginning...

Bill James

As Christians we may well feel beleaguered by a number of pressing issues in the world today.

There is first of all our society’s insistence on the rights of personal sexual freedom and identity, threatening the church with ‘conversion therapy’ bans if we dare to disagree. Then there is the related issue of family breakdown, and the undermining of marriage. What about environmentalism, and the impending ‘climate crisis’? This is linked to warnings of world overpopulation, and a whole generation considering childlessness ‘for the sake of the planet’. Or is it systemic racism and injustice in society which is of primary concern?

pastoral care

Fear guides badly while love leads well

Helen Thorne-Allenson

In this fallen world there are plenty of reasons to be scared. The words, the actions, of others can wound – the uncertainty of life can feel deeply unsettling – the news from across the globe can be utterly heartbreaking. And the church often feels no safer.

Accusations, disappointments, scandals, opposition, hurt, heresy and decisions to be made, all weigh heavily on our hearts. No wonder fear is such a dominant feature of our modern lives.

How does clinical depression relate to a Biblical faith?

Two readers of en share their experiences and what they have learned

Depression – one ordinary man’s experience...

pastoral care

Warning: spiritual neglect?

Steve Midgley

The concept, and the seriousness, of neglect is well known. Neglected children suffer huge harm.

But there are other forms of neglect. Ones that we may have done less thinking about. Spiritual neglect would be one example – and this is a neglect that can also do damage, both to us and to others.

On prayer, mindfulness and contemplation

Kirsten Birkett

A lot of people seem to mean a lot of different things by ‘prayer’.

I once went to what was advertised as an Augustinian prayer day. That sounded eminently attractive, I thought: I’m interested in Augustine, and I’m interested in prayer. What we were told to do, however, was to sit in silence, individually, for 30 minutes, concentrating on our breathing.

pastoral care

The God of small things

Helen Thorne-Allenson

There are days when the to-do list does not feel very exciting. Weeks when the things calling for our attention feel deeply mundane.

That pile of emails, that piece of bureaucracy, that message that needs passing on – hardly cutting-edge ministry, just stuff that needs to be done. Many of us would prefer to spend our time on things that feel more strategic, more impactful – after all, what eternal fruit comes from signing some cards, chatting about refreshments or filling in a form? But take a closer look at God’s word and we see the little things of life can be filled with meaning and value; they are the context in which much can be transformed.

ten questions: 'when you fall... get up'

Iver Martin

1. How did you become a Christian?

pastoral care

Regrets, I’ve had a few...

Steve Midgley

There are many forms of loss. Some happen abruptly – a sudden death, an acute illness. Other loss is more gradual – the progressive disability of a chronic disease, the deepening alienation of a loveless marriage. Some losses have no blame associated with them – they just happen – but sometimes we carry the pain of knowing that we are responsible for a loss.

We describe this as regret and it can be one of the bitterest experiences. Hebrews recalls the agonies of Esau, ‘who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights’, but later ‘even though he sought the blessing with tears, he could not change what he had done’ (Heb.12:16-17).

Would you be able to spot a narcissist?

John Steley

When we think of the word ‘narcissism’ we may imagine people taking selfies, maintaining an attractive image on social media or something similar. True narcissism, however, is something far more serious.

It destroys communities, churches, marriages, families and individuals. It is not just a case of people showing-off, annoying as that may be. True narcissism is destructive and it needs to be understood. That is why I have written the booklet.* It is a warning for all who work with people – that is all of us.

pastoral care

The problem of waiting

Helen Thorne-Allenson

Human beings do not like to wait.

Whether it is the frustration of being on hold with customer services, the irritation of a laptop restarting before an important call or the inconvenience of an absent train, we quickly rage when things we think should happen instantly are delayed.

Does anyone notice? Does anyone care? Is it worth it?

John Stevens

At the start of September, just as parents were preparing for their children to return to school, more than a hundred schools were closed due to the risks posed by RAAC concrete.

This cheap and lightweight building material was widely used from the 1950s to the 1990s, but becomes prone to crumble and collapse after about 30 years.

pastoral care

Are you stuck in a rut?

Steve Midgley

September, it seems, often brings even more of a ‘fresh start’ feel than the beginning of a new calendar year.

We love the sense of new possibilities, new resolutions and new challenges. Aware of things not accomplished in the year that is past, it’s exciting to consider how we might tackle those challenges in new ways. We love anticipating the new things God will lead us into and the new opportunities God will provide.

‘The Lord is close to the broken-hearted’

In their book, Near to the Broken Hearted, Dan and Anna Martin relate how their little family of four were excited to be at a scheduled scan during the pregnancy of much-anticipated twins.

It became clear from the body language of the medical professionals that something was seriously wrong. Long story short, one of the twins had a life-threatening condition that pitched the whole pregnancy into a mixture of anxiety and dilemma. The twins were born alive, but one (Ethan) survived while the other (Jed) died after three weeks of complications arising from his condition.

pastoral care

When you’re trashed

Helen Thorne-Allenson

Reputation matters, and when our reputation is dragged through the mud life can feel very painful indeed.

I’m not referring to times when we have fallen into sin and people begin to see us differently – that, whilst painful, is often a necessary part of true repentance and restoration. Nor those times when verbal abuse is part of a wider context of coercion or control. I mean those moments when people say things about us that are unjust or unfair. That professional slur, that inaccurate piece of gossip, that foundationless accusation – they cut to the core and leave us reeling with hurt.

Are you a bit of a perfectionist?

Dave Burke

Are you, by any chance, a bit of a perfectionist? You have high standards for yourself, yet struggle to acknowledge your achievements? If your answer is ‘Yes!’, or you know someone like that, then this is for you.

Perfectionism lies at the root of much unhappiness. Indeed, perfectionist attitudes often correlate with poor mental health such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders and even suicidal thoughts. Pablo Martinez, a Christian psychiatrist, writes about the ‘inner policeman’, a nagging voice telling us we’ve not done enough, or we’ve not done it right. When he gets the upper hand, we are in spiritual and psychological trouble .

pastoral care

Are we deceiving ourselves?

Steve Midgley

There’s a lot of deceit in the Bible. Not, of course, from God. He never deceives but only ever speaks the truth. It’s we who are vulnerable to, or guilty of, deceit.

Sometimes we are deceived by others. Jesus warned us saying: ‘Watch out that you are not deceived. For many will come in my name, claiming, “I am he”, and, “The time is near”. Do not follow them (Luke 21:8).

editorial

Better listening

In articles elsewhere in this edition of en we hear two important observations about the virtues of listening.

Dan Strange says: ‘It is an important Christian virtue to listen like this in a polarised age, where people are talking past each other.’ And Steve Midgley states: ‘We need both the courage to speak and the humility to listen.’

pastoral care

What true loyalty looks like

Helen Thorne-Allenson

Everyone in leadership wants to be surrounded by people who are loyal.

In any team, it’s important to have people pulling in the same direction, motivated by the same goal. In God’s family, unity should be the norm – it’s how we are created to be (Eph.4:5-14). In the early church, leaders actively called out divisions that were dishonouring to God (Phil.4:2-5).

the ENd word

The doctor will see you now

Lizzy Smallwood

I’ve been revisiting the letter of James recently. To be honest it’s a bit of a kick in the spiritual teeth. He doesn’t mince his words.

Now, I am prone to be quite a spiritual masochist. I enjoy leaving church feeling like I have been confronted; reprimanded; given extra homework. James’ letter isn’t that.

pastoral care

Feeling out of tune today?

Andrew Collins

I was feeling a little low, weary, and ‘out of sorts’: just not quite right. I wasn’t sick. Maybe just tired? But spiritually things were flat.

I was missing a sense of the Lord’s nearness. The vitality of my soul seemed to be waning. What was up? Did I just need a rest? Or was there something I needed to repent of?

pastoral care

When you’re let down…

Helen Thorne-Allenson

Being let down hurts. It can leave us feeling isolated to the core.

I’m not talking here about the kind of being let down that comes from gross moral failure, or malicious betrayal. I mean the kind of being let down that happens when people just don’t show up to help. The kind of being let down that stems from people staying silent in a debate; deciding not to give; forgetting to pray for an important life event or choosing not to jump to our defence (or our cause) in a social media storm.

pastoral care

1,200 new counsellors

Steve Midgley

Over the past nine years, more than 1,200 people have taken one or more of the training courses offered by Biblical Counselling UK (BCUK).

People’s motives for taking these courses vary. Those involved in church leadership, or with a pastoral care role in their church, often take the courses to develop their ability to care for others. Many others have no formal role in the local church, but frequently find themselves walking alongside a brother or sister in Christ. They take these courses simply to be better friends. Still others come from a background in the caring professions (therapists, doctors, mental health workers, etc.) and are looking for a Biblical perspective to set alongside their professional training.

Has being ‘nice’ trumped being Christlike?

David Robertson

It may not be one of Jordan Peterson’s ‘12 Rules for Life’, but I would suggest that it is fast becoming one of the unwritten rules for Christian commentators – ‘Be nice’.

Or, expressed in its negative form, ‘That’s not nice’. ‘If you can’t say something nice, say nothing’. Sometimes other words are used which express the same idea – ‘winsome’ or ‘gracious’. The latter certainly has a Biblical precedent, but I wonder if it should be confused with ‘niceness’?

pastoral care

How do we wait well?

Helen Thorne-Allenson

I don’t like waiting. Most of us don’t. Whether it’s waiting for the bus or for prayer to be answered, waiting is hard.

Right now I can think of friends waiting for an improvement in a health condition; waiting for the restoration of a broken relationship; waiting for a family member to come to Christ; waiting for a ministry opportunity; waiting for justice to come. They’re all clear that it hurts.

pastoral care

Think the unthinkable

Steve Midgley

Some things are unthinkable. We just can’t conceive of them happening. And sometimes that’s a problem.

As, for instance, in situations too awful for us to bear. This is what happens in trauma when someone experiences something unspeakably terrible. And because they have no words for it, it isn’t integrated into their lives. Unlike a normal memory that is processed and understood, a traumatic experience remains unprocessed – raw and disturbing. I recently heard it vividly described as being like ‘a foreign body in the psyche’.

pastoral care

Dealing with brain fog

Helen Thorne-Allenson

There are days when our mind just doesn’t focus. Days when we can’t follow the thread of a podcast, can’t progress our to-do list, can’t write that email.

Nothing seems to flow. It’s as if someone has taken our natural concentration, screwed it up into a ball, and tossed it out into the garden. And we’re left staring blankly at our screens.

What are you hoping for?

Alden McCray

Is there anything worth hoping for?

We live in an age of short-term hopes. We hope for a better job, a better home, better health. But is there anything to hope for beyond these things? Is there anything that gives us real purpose and encouragement?

pastoral care

Deeper problems?

Andrew Collins

‘I’ve got something deeper, something psychological going on…’ … ‘It’s my mental health that’s the issue…’.

Hearing such statements can lead us to think that a person’s struggle is beyond the reach of pastoral care. Discernment is needed, and referral to a qualified professional may be necessary, particularly with medical problems and struggles that involve risk. But are psychological problems outside the scope and understanding of Scripture itself?

pastoral care

Danger of simple answers

Steve Midgley

We like things to be clear. When we ask questions, we want definite answers.

When faced with puzzles – pastoral or personal – we crave unambiguous solutions. It is an understandable desire. Uncertainty is uncomfortable – it unbalances us, and we don’t like that. Clear, definite answers restore our sense of order and calm.

the ENd word

How patient are you?

Jeremy McQuoid

How patient are you? The closer you get to the end of the New Testament, the more the word ‘patience’ and its bedfellow ‘perseverance’ begin to dominate.

If you live your life purely in the book of Acts, reading about church planting, city riots, earthquakes smashing open prison bars, and the gospel racing from Jerusalem to Rome at breakneck speed, you might get the wrong impression of what faithful gospel ministry looks like.

pastoral care

‘I didn’t mean to…’

Helen Thorne-Allenson

‘I didn’t mean to.’ It’s the sort of phrase that trips off the tongue with ease.

It describes well the randomness of life – the fact that sometimes things just pop out of nowhere. This morning, I didn’t mean to overbalance whilst sneezing and stand on my cat’s tail, but I did. Accidents do happen. And they will continue to do so until Jesus returns.

Pastoral Care

Attack, avoid or…?

Jo Jackson

Conflict is everywhere: The teenage child who tells you they hate you; the friend who quickly becomes angry when you disagree; the church member who criticises your leadership; the relational breakdown between people in your church.

Conflict is a constant reality, yet we typically do not handle it well.

pastoral care

Ministry’s dark feelings

Helen Thorne-Allenson

Ministry is a privilege. It’s a hugely high call. And whether we’re full time and paid, or volunteering a few hours within the local church, we can all know we have a part to play in the greatest mission the world has ever known.

It’s wonderful to help people come to Christ and grow in their faith, in all the circumstances of life. The process of pointing people to Jesus can be a joy. The relational depth, a delight. When we glimpse the fruit God is bringing into people’s lives, we can be stirred to praise. But, just between you and me, that’s not how we always feel, is it?

the ENd word

Thoughts for weary hearts

Elizabeth McQuoid

The end of lockdown has not been the panacea that most of us had hoped for.

We’ve emerged to find the world irrevocably changed – politically, financially and culturally. The need to be ‘salt and light’, to speak God’s truth and show His love has never been greater. But what does the Bible say to our weary hearts?

pastoral care

Wrestling with doubt

Steve Midgley

Doubt, generally, doesn’t have a good reputation.

It’s seen as the enemy of faith; the underminer of faith; even, finally, the destroyer of faith. And it is, at times, all those things.

‘Our speech should aim for building others up’

Matthew Mason

Words matter, but we’re drowning in them – websites, books, conversations, songs, magazines, social media, news.

Some words are deeply damaging – speech used to lie, exaggerate, promote division, seek power, demean opponents. Many words are trivial. Can any of us remember what we saw on social media today? Some words are good and true. But in the flood of words, it can be hard to tell what’s true and false, and even true speech is easily washed away.

pastoral care

Learning to fail well

Helen Thorne-Allenson

It’s not a skill we tend to teach. After all, it’s not an outcome we want to see. But learning to fail well is something that every Christian needs to do.

We live post-Fall – frailty and rebellion are constant companions of us all – and there is no way any of us can get through this life (this day, even) without messing up in ways that dishonour the Lord and cause others pain. Anything that happens as often as this needs a well-thought-through plan!

the ENd word

How do you combat FOMO?

Elizabeth McQuoid

I’m at the embarrassing age where I often need to Google the texting acronyms my student son uses. (Do you know what CMB or AFAIK mean?)

The best one I have come across is FOMO – the fear of missing out. It is this perception that others are having more fun, living better lives, or experiencing better things than we are. Unfortunately, it is not just a trait I recognise in my teenagers. When I look at Facebook and see happy families enjoying holidays in the sun I sometimes feel myself turning an unattractive shade of green. More worryingly still, I recognise FOMO in my spiritual life. When life is hard I’m tempted to look at other Christians enjoying an apparently suffering-free life and to remind God, ‘That’s not fair!’

pastoral care

Christ-like, costly compassion

Steve Midgley

All those who seek to engage with the struggles and sufferings of others know the importance of emotional connection. And while feeling compassion or sympathy or empathy for another person certainly doesn’t mean we jettison Biblical standards, what it does mean is that we seek to enter into the emotional experience of another person.

We know that it matters. It is such a blessing when others feel our pain. But we also know that it costs. It is one thing to recognise and acknowledge the pain of others, quite another to enter into it so that we feel it with the other person. That asks much more of us. So why do it? Here are four quick reasons.

pastoral care

Letting down others?

Helen Thorne-Allenson

Do you ever feel as if you are letting everyone down? The inbox is out of control. The people you’ve been meaning to phone still haven’t heard from you. The to-do list is spiralling. And, even when you do meet with someone, you’re conscious they’re not getting your best (It’s not just you! Ed.).

At times like this we know that life isn’t sustainable, but we also desperately want to deliver what we (or others) think we should. So, distracted, demoralised and demotivated, we try to plod on, hoping that – one day, if we try hard enough – we’ll manage to catch up. If that doesn’t work, we can always run away, we remind ourselves – subconsciously at least, that’s often our Plan B.

pastoral care

Wisdom: what is it?

Steve Midgley

The greater part of wisdom, I was once told, consists in the ability to hold complementary truths together.

It’s an observation worthy of reflection: that wisdom is not so much a matter simply of becoming increasingly more familiar with truth or even more adept at applying it, but that wisdom concerns a growing ability to hold together those truths that stand in some kind of tension with one another.

pastoral care

There is hope

Helen Thorne-Allenson

How are you feeling this Advent? What’s going through your mind?

Top of the list for many of us is ‘there is exhaustion’ – the last two years have been extraordinary and, while things are more normal than they have been in a while, the cumulative effect of the pandemic-induced changes and challenges lives on. We’re looking forward to Christmas but, if we’re honest, we’d rather have a nice long nap.

the ENd word

At the foot of the cross

Elizabeth McQuoid

About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’ that is, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ (Matt. 27:46)

‘He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now,’ the religious leaders jeered (v. 43). Full of irony, what they really mean is: ‘He can’t really trust in God. If he did, God wouldn’t have let him go to the cross!’ Jesus’ anguished cry: ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ almost seems to justify their charges.

pastoral care

Covering over sins?

Steve Midgley

Many will be familiar with the phrase: love covers over a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8), but what exactly does it mean?

Surely in the unfolding story of the Bible, sin is the problem. How can it be right to overlook it? Good counselling and good ministry must mean helping people identify their sin, combat their sin, repent of their sin and put on godliness instead. If sin is the problem and finding grace the solution, then won’t covering sin over simply bury the problem and leave it unresolved?

the ENd word

‘I know your afflictions and your poverty’

Elizabeth McQuoid

I know your afflictions and your poverty – yet you are rich! I know about the slander of those who say they are Jews and are not, but are a synagogue of Satan.(Revelation 2:9)

‘I know… ’

pastoral care

How are your eyes?

Helen Thorne-Allenson

Blindness is taken very seriously in my family. As the daughter of someone who lost their sight, it’s been drilled into me to make sure nothing is going astray with my eyes. I get regular check-ups – it wouldn’t even occur to me to miss. But I suspect few of us, myself included, are that diligent when it comes to spiritual sight.

In the Bible, spiritual blindness is a term used mostly of those outside the church – people whose spiritual condition means they can’t see Christ for who He truly is. His Lordship, holiness, goodness, graciousness all completely miss their gaze and will continue to do so until God opens their eyes. But that’s not the only time we find the term ‘blind’.

pastoral care

Can I trust you?

Andrew Collins

After years of hiding from her problems, Kim finally pressed send on an email to her pastoral team.

Early traumas, committed by those she looked up to, long buried and suppressed, were now reappearing, leading to panic, depressed feelings and tormenting thoughts. She had to share this with someone. But who could she talk to? Who would listen? Who would understand? Would she just be blamed? Who could she trust? Reaching out for help felt like a huge risk.

Church volunteering and exhaustion in the pandemic

Karen Soole

If you want to waste time on the internet, put church names into the search engine of the Charity Commission and see how many ‘volunteers’ they have.

Lots of churches do what ours has done. The number of volunteers recorded is the size of the church family – it seems that everyone who belongs to the church is a ‘volunteer’.

the ENd word

Strident faith? You haven’t really thought about it.

Jeremy McQuoid

The older I get the more mysterious life appears to me. I hope that’s a sign of growing wisdom, rather than leaking faith.

When I was in my teens and twenties, life was pretty ‘black and white’. I knew what to believe, and what not to believe, was confident in my convictions, and sometimes intolerant of older saints who weren’t quite as unequivocal as I was. But the ageing process has left me a lot less strident, I think in a good way.

pastoral care

The beauty of reconciliation

Steve Midgley

When Christians fall out, you’d hope they would be good at putting things back together. Reconciliation ought to be one of our strong suits.

Our God not only ‘reconciled us to Himself through Christ’, He also ‘gave us the ministry of reconciliation’ (2 Cor. 5:18). As ambassadors for Christ, we are to implore others: ‘be reconciled to God’ (2 Cor. 5:20). Our interpersonal relationships ought to reflect that.

pastoral care

Slow change can be good change

Helen Thorne-Allenson

Corporate change takes time. Whether we’re thinking of the serious challenges facing our whole constituency or the more localised struggles of the church of which we are part, we all have to wrestle with the fact that community progress towards Christlikeness comes in the form of gradually growing fruit.

If we’re honest, many of us don’t like that fact. Often, we’d quite like it if God could just change things now. We may never say it, but we can act as if progressive sanctification isn’t one of God’s better ideas.

everyday evangelism

How you can be a pastoral evangelist

Glen Scrivener

Picture an evangelist. What springs to mind? Perhaps a motormouth with the enthusiasm of a labrador pup, the skin of a rhinoceros’s hide, the social skills of a boisterous toddler, and the patter of a ‘Phones 4 U’ sales rep.

Now picture someone you’d describe as ‘really pastoral.’ What are the images now? Surely it’s endless cups of tea, frowns of concern, head cocked permanently to a 45 degree angle. ‘Aw bless’ they say with an empathy perilously close to patronising.

history

Learning gentleness

Michael Haykin

In recent days, I have been again impressed with the significance of a name that was well-known among British evangelicals in the last decades of the long 18th century, but today is mostly forgotten, namely, that of Abraham Booth (1734–1806).

The son of a Nottinghamshire farmer, Booth became a stocking weaver in his teens. He had no formal schooling and was compelled to teach himself to read and to write. His early Christian experience was spent among the General, i.e. Arminian, Baptists, but by 1768 he had undergone a complete revolution in his soteriology and had become a Calvinist. Not long after this embrace of Calvinism he wrote The Reign of Grace, from Its Rise to Its Consummation (1768), which the 20th-century Scottish theologian John Murray regarded as ‘one of the most eloquent and moving expositions of the subject of divine grace in the English language’.

the ENd word

What are you hoping for?

Elizabeth McQuoid

As winter turns to spring, what are you hoping for? To get the vaccine, the end of restrictions, to get back to work, to take a holiday?

These glimpses of normality have been dangled in front of us for months like the proverbial carrot. The waiting has led to frustration, despair, and often a sense of hopelessness. But, perhaps that’s the point. Perhaps, among all the other lessons to learn from this pandemic, God wants to reorient our hope – for us to see the ultimate fruitlessness of earth-bound hope and long for something better.

pastoral care

Intimate prayer in a pandemic

Steve Midgley

Restriction is a key part of our new vocabulary. We are restricted in our activities, in our social gatherings, restricted in our travel, and even restricted in church.

There is so much that we cannot do, and the experience is tiring, irritating and not a little disorientating. We know there is ministry to be done, but we just can’t get to do it. We know there are friends to encourage, but we have such limited access to them. We know there is a Lord to be worshipped, but we can’t even sing His praises. It is all so frustrating. When good things are out of reach, frustration is appropriate.

pastoral care

What are you like at waiting… ?

Steve Midgley

We’ve been doing a lot of waiting recently.

Waiting for lockdown to end. Waiting for schools to restart. Waiting for government announcements. Waiting for church to meet in person. Waiting for the next parcel to be delivered.

The first rule of leadership: stay spiritually alive

Marcus Honeysett

It almost feels like an indulgence writing about rest and joy for Christian leaders at a time of global crisis. Surely if ever there was a time to swap sabbath replenishment for strenuous labour it is now?

Of course, the problem arises when we see these things as opposed to each other: that we can work hard for the Lord and others or be spiritually invigorated, but not both. When we embrace this false dichotomy, we doom ourselves to serving out of a place of spiritual unfreshness sooner or later.

In Depth: pastoral care

Stop rehearsing 'your list’ of past hurts

Many church leaders say denominational support is lacking

Why we shouldn’t assume

Want spiritual resilience? Try this...

Talking politics

Pastor, have you hit 'rock bottom'?

Why caring for mission partners matters

Christians, cybersecurity is important

The darkest of all sins?

Helping believers in conspiracy theories

Cybersecurity: Loving your (digital) neighbour

Did you know that anxiety is contagious?

Why theology and psychology need to be friends

Planks and self-awareness

Why is being a pastor ‘a noble task’? Could you be one?

Rooted shepherds: A vision for healthy pastoral ministry

Do you see how far you've come?

When those ungodly emotions return

Tending to our souls in a distracting world

How do we grow resilient?

Navigating the workplace as a Christian: When meetings are tense

Is 'don't worry, God's in charge' really enough?

How to handle encouragement: Take it, turn it, track it!

A message from one broken person to another

What is the most underrated quality in the Christian life?

When there are no words

Biblical views on trauma aired

Getting to grips with trauma

Is love really in the air?

How should leaders lead?

Building a grace-infused small group

The unseen cost of boarding school: pain, healing, and the gospel

What is it and how is it caused?

How can we offer safe care?

Have we lost confidence in the Bible?

What’s the care structure in your church?

Pastors: one year in and struggling?

A vital question for churches

Is it fair to share our suffering with others?

Transparency: How see-through should we be?

How to live in a ‘negative world’

Are we too busy and distracted to hear Jesus?

Be gentle – or else!

Clinical depression

Do you enter ‘preaching mode’ in your conversations?

Feeling beleaguered? Back to the beginning...

Fear guides badly while love leads well

How does clinical depression relate to a Biblical faith?

Warning: spiritual neglect?

On prayer, mindfulness and contemplation

The God of small things

ten questions: 'when you fall... get up'

Regrets, I’ve had a few...

Would you be able to spot a narcissist?

The problem of waiting

Does anyone notice? Does anyone care? Is it worth it?

Are you stuck in a rut?

‘The Lord is close to the broken-hearted’

When you’re trashed

Are you a bit of a perfectionist?

Are we deceiving ourselves?

Better listening

What true loyalty looks like

The doctor will see you now

Feeling out of tune today?

When you’re let down…

1,200 new counsellors

Has being ‘nice’ trumped being Christlike?

How do we wait well?

Think the unthinkable

Dealing with brain fog

What are you hoping for?

Deeper problems?

Danger of simple answers

How patient are you?

‘I didn’t mean to…’

Attack, avoid or…?

Ministry’s dark feelings

Thoughts for weary hearts