Respect and seeking to understand: A husband’s calling in 1 Peter 3v7

How should husbands live if they are members of God’s chosen people, and living stones in His spiritual temple-house? This is the question Peter turns to in 1 Peter 3v7: "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers" (NIV)

The phrase "be considerate" sounds a bit tame. "Being considerate" is often viewed as a matter of a few nice manners. But Peter wants husbands to consider their wives and understand them. The ESV has Peter telling husbands to "live with your wives in an understanding way".

A husband's Biblical calling

A great deal of humour about the sexes is built on the idea that women are hard to understand. Biblically, they are. Women are connected with wisdom (e.g. Proverbs) and wisdom is not found with a few simple "how-tos" but with deep meditation and years of experience. Husbands are not allowed to laugh and say "Women are mysterious"; husbands are to seek to understand their wives.

Husbands must press into the mystery that is a woman’s thoughts and intuitions and emotions and biology.

A husband must consider his wife’s strengths and weaknesses, her perceived needs and her true needs, the areas where her wisdom is essential and the areas where she (like him) needs to be corrected by God’s Word.

A wife might say to her husband, "You don’t understand me" but, if her husband is following the way of Christ, she should not be able to say, "You’re not trying to understand me".

Respect

Next, the husband is told to "treat his wife with respect as the weaker partner". It is probably a reference to the difference in physical strength between men and women, but notice the logic. Give honour to the weaker. This is not the way of Rome’s Empire, or the logic of the world!

Jesus Christ was rejected by the world but honoured by God and by His followers (2v4, 7) and such honour must also be given by husbands to their wives, even in a society such as Rome where women were often seen as of lesser status.

Whatever real differences exist between men and women, husbands and wives, in Christ all are heirs together of the gracious gift of life.

'Weaker vessels'

Peter uses a strange word to describe wives: they are weaker "vessels". It can refer to a human person (see also 1 Thessalonians 4v4) but often refers to bowls, jars and other items. Why might Peter use this word?

If I were to say "I think we need to arrange a service" you would probably guess – given that I’m a minister writing for a Christian publication – that I’m talking about an event, an act of worship, something in the church diary. But if you heard me say those words when I’m staring blankly at a car engine that is making funny noises, you’d conclude that the car needs taking to a garage. Words take their meaning from context. Peter has been talking about the church as God’s house – a temple – and the people being a holy priesthood offering spiritual sacrifices. In this context, "vessel" brings to mind the vessels used in the temple. Some vessels were used for lugging around water. Some vessels – probably the weaker, more valuable, more precious vessels of gold and silver – were used for some of the most holy activities.

Weaker vessels are holy vessels used for important and holy activities in the temple of the Lord. Husbands are to treat their wives with honour as befits these weaker vessels. Or else they will find their prayers are hindered – the word has the sense of being "cut off". The husband who treats his wife with dishonour is in trouble with God!