In December’s en, we published an article from a wife and mum entitled ‘Help… I married a porn addict.’ Our first letter below is addressed directly to that anonymous woman, and is written by the correspondent whose letter to the Editor then follows it.
Dear fellow bruised reed,
Thank you for writing your story. I pray that the process of writing it would have done you good and not harm, that it would have lifted your eyes and not crushed your heart again.
Please know that your article, filled with pain and sorrow though it was, was a huge comfort to me as I currently find myself churning over and over a porn-related discovery about my husband of ten years (in full-time ministry).
I completely agree that there must be somewhere we can turn to anonymously for help and support as I find myself asking the question very regularly, who can I go to about this?
In the meantime, you are seen, you are loved. And our God is a God of comfort who will not break the bruised reed or snuff out the smouldering wick. You are not alone, dear sister, however alone you may feel. I am praying for you as I write.
Dear Editor,
Thank you for printing this woman’s words, for allowing this example of many of our experience to sit in your pages in churches and living rooms so that readers might understand some of the reality of living with this vile siren, porn, that falsely promises answers.
Thank you for reassuring me, in your editing choices, that I am not alone
Yours sincerely,
Another wife of another user By post
Dear Editor,
The brave lady (‘Help… I married a porn addict’, December en) who wrote to you, touched my heart deeply and the pain and loneliness that she has suffered and is still suffering, must be heartbreaking. I have (and will continue to do so) prayed for this lady and I believe that it is her faith in Jesus that held her hand back when she contemplated suicide, and I also believe it was God and the working of the Holy Spirit that prompted her to write to you concerning her distress.
She makes it very clear as to what her husband needs to do, but her difficulty is in that she really doesn’t know what he wants to do to resolve this situation and promises made by him have obviously not been kept. He will have his own reasons for this and it is uncertain what these are.
Help and support are needed, but these will only have any chance of working if both husband and wife desire it.
This lady is not responsible for his actions; he is and the first step is for him and her to see someone who has the experience to help. There are many organisations who can do that and I am sure that the Editor and other readers can make suggestions. If he is prepared to accept help that involves both of you, this would be a good start. I will continue to pray for this situation.
Yours sincerely
Michael Owen Bolton
Dear Editor,
The road ahead for this lady is as difficult as it can be and will call for much sacrificial love. I trust sympathetic Christians will step up and offer the practical help, guidance and support she so desperately needs. She is most certainly not the only one caught in this situation.
Yours sincerely, Anon By post
Dear Editor,
I feel intense emotion for the writer of the previous article, the wife of a porn addict. She needs another woman to walk the lonely road with her as she negotiates the wilderness confronting her as a result of her husband’s sin. I deeply wish I could spend time with the father, who is trying to serve both God and Satan. He has not recognised who is pulling his strings and he does not know that eternal separation from God is just around the corner. Salvation through the death of Jesus on the cross cannot be lightly accepted while we continue to serve God’s enemy.
Counselling and support for porn addicts does not really exist. Society hardly recognises it. Christian leaders are helpless in advising those who suffer from it and tend to dismiss it with the thought that everyone does it and the effects are minimal in comparison to other sins. They could not be more wrong. The disgust that we all feel for the act makes it very difficult for counsellors to tackle this problem. In truth, a lot of Christian leaders have been affected some time in their lives with the same temptations and it is difficult for them to condemn what they fell victim to, albeit in a less pervasive manner.
I pray for the wife and the children, that they may know of God’s intense love for them and may get some relief from this insidious sin that has brought devastation to their lives, even if not all of them are aware of its existence. God be praised.
Yours sincerely,
Stuart Phillips By email
