My child has depression – how do I support them?

According to a recent report by the Children’s Commissioner ^[1], one million children were referred to mental health services in 2024-25. This was up ten per cent on the previous year, and almost double the number of referrals in the pre-COVID years.

Anxiety-related conditions accounted for 16% of the total.

The Royal College of Nursing reckons that professional help is usually slow to arrive. Its figures show that children and young people wait an average of 128 days for specialist support, though some can wait years.

A very large number of young people in the UK are facing a serious problem.

Rachel Da Souza, the Children’s Commissioner, said: “These are not numbers, but children whose lives have been put on hold for months and, in some cases, years waiting for support they urgently need."

Lives on hold?

The gospel is more than "Believe and you will be saved" – it addresses our children's pain. Paul spelled this out: “We rejoice in our sufferings”. He writes: “Suffering produces resilience, which nurtures character, which in turn engenders hope". That is an astonishing sentence; in Christ we see adversity differently, though it may be a very long time before we can look back and "rejoice".

I do everything I can to shield my children from pain. But sometimes I just can’t.

Ray Charles was one of the greatest rhythm and blues musicians in the last century, all the more remarkable because he went blind aged seven. The 2004 film Ray tells his story.

A scene in the movie shows the boy taking a tumble in the family’s home. He cries out for help, but his mother stops herself from running to him. She silently weeps as he recovers and begins to explore the house by listening to its sounds. After a couple of minutes he says: "I hear you too, mamma, why are you crying?" He did not have the life she wanted for him, but his life was not on hold.

A parent’s life is not on hold either because, in the absence of professional help, we are there to support from day one. When a child is ill with depression or anxiety the pressure on the family is huge. There will be disagreements: “I think he has been over-diagnosed!” “We should just tell her to try harder!” “I need support too!” “I just can’t cope any more!”

A parent’s job

Our first job is to stay together and care for one another, so that we are there for the one who is suffering. But what can we say to them?

As any teenager will tell you, parents don’t know anything, understand even less, and what they say is rubbish. Please ignore this apparent truth! Be supportive, keep saying encouraging things – even if you get no response.

Pick a moment each day to ask some gentle questions. If your teenager blesses you with more than a grunt in reply, listen and ask some more. It is not an interrogation, you are showing love in the best way – by listening.

Here are some ideas: “Who was kind to you today?” “How did that make you feel?” “What did you learn today?” “If you could fix one thing about today, what would it be?”

Develop a few mantras – wisdom you repeat often – “This will pass and you will be well again.” “Try not to dwell on the things you can’t do; think about the things you can do."

Most importantly, talk openly and gently about what the Bible says about suffering. It sensitises us to the pain of others (2 Corinthians 1v3-4); it teaches us to hold on tighter to Jesus (2 Corinthians 1v8-11). Be alert to what God may be saying to you through Scripture and talk about it naturally.

Fixing a frazzled brain takes time, and the arrival of specialist support may not accelerate the process. But the gospel tells us that even if the life I want is on hold, life is still there and where there is life there is hope.

1. The Guardian, 29th June 2026