Going to the wedding

As summer approaches, many of us will receive wedding invitations.

We may be clear that Biblical marriage is between one man and woman, and that sexual intimacy is only appropriate within that context. But how do we respond when a friend or a family member invites us to their gay or transgender wedding? Do we prioritise friendly relationships and accept, or decide on principle that we cannot go?

This issue has caused huge controversy recently, some of it unfortunate in tone, among Christians on both sides of the Atlantic. We need to step away from the debate around personalities, and go back to Biblical principles.

A scandalous element of Jesus’ ministry was that He ate and drank with sinners. He did not preserve a rigid separation from covenant breakers characteristic of the Jewish orthodoxy of His day. In the same way, while Paul insists that we must separate from professing Christians in unrepentant sin, he does not mean that we should separate ourselves from the sinful people of the world. So, does that mean we should go to the wedding?

Vowing to continue a life of sin

While we live in a sinful world, we are not to be drawn into sinful activity, nor approve what God hates. We are instructed to ‘expose works of darkness’, and ‘… it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret’ (Eph.5:12-13). There is a sense of abhorrence at the depravity of the world.

This is a key issue in thinking about attending a wedding. It is not just a social occasion, like enjoying a meal together. Marriage is a creation ordinance, established by God for all peoples. A wedding is more than a private contract; it is a public celebration of a new union, the establishment of a new household. The congregation are public witnesses of the vows being taken. Applause breaks out as the groom kisses the bride. Congratulations and good wishes are offered in the receiving line, and cards and gifts express support for the happy couple as they set up their home together. A celebratory meal follows, toasts are made, followed perhaps by dancing and fireworks. But if it is a ‘wedding’ which is clearly contrary to God’s creation purpose, what is being celebrated? The couple is not only celebrating their sinful union, but solemnly promising to continue in this openly sinful immorality for the rest of their lives.

We cannot celebrate what God hates. Jesus did not toast Zaccheus’ success in exploiting the poor, and in the parable of the Prodigal Son the father did not celebrate his son’s wild living. Rather, there was celebration of return and repentance.

Show your faith by what you do

Whatever we say about our evangelical convictions regarding marriage to one another or to those outside the church, if we go to a gay wedding we are saying that in practice it does not matter. Worse than that, we are putting a stumbling block in the path of other believers. They may follow our example and attend, be swept up in the celebrations of gross sin and find their hearts softening towards a compromised position. This is a question of integrity and faithful testimony.

Attendance at the wedding may mean a warm relationship with the couple, but the Christian testimony is lost. Faithful witness is painfully difficult, but necessary if we really love someone and long for their good in repentance towards God.

Christlike love perseveres. We never stop praying and looking for opportunities to extend friendship to the couple whose invitation we declined. People like Rosaria Butterfield, Becket Cook and Christopher Yuan testify that God used the faithful love and prayers of relatives or friends, in some cases over many years, to bring them to Christ.