Control it like Beckham?

It can be terrifying feeling out of control. My husband was driving back from Cardiff last weekend when his car skidded on water on the motorway. He did what most of us would do in that situation – he tightened his grip on the wheel.

In Netflix’s new documentary Beckham, this is exactly what we see former England football captain David Beckham do when his life begins to spiral. As things gets wilder and wilder, his grip on what remains in his control gets tighter and tighter. But while it’s the instinctive response – is it the right one?

On it’s release, Beckham was Netflix’s most streamed show in the UK, and I’d recommend it. It tracks his life from a boy kicking a ball about with his Dad, to a megastar playing for the best team in the world. Throughout the highs and lows of his career, we see a battle for autonomy play out in an interesting way.

It first emerges when he argues with Sir Alex Ferguson, manager of Manchester United, about missing a training day to care for his sick son. Beckham responds to this threat to his autonomy by controlling what he can – he shaves his head (incidentally sparking a national trend for the ‘buzz cut’). Later, when he was sent off at the World Cup and received ‘inhumane’ abuse from England fans for it, he found that his performance on the pitch actually improved. ‘That was the only thing I could control,’ he said, ‘once I was on the pitch, then I felt safe.’

But ultimately, it becomes clear as the documentary progresses that this approach to control doesn’t do any good. If anything, it can just lead further into anxiety.

Present-day interview clips reveal a 47-year-old Beckham far from unburdened and free. A tour of his house, for example, reveals a fastidiously tidy kitchen. Every night, Beckham says he is the one to clear up, even going so far as to clip the wicks of the candles. Opening the door to his wardrobe, he points to a hanger that looks just like the rest, saying, ‘Someone’s been in here’.

Why doesn’t it work?

Because humans aren’t meant to be in control. We were designed to be in submission to our Creator (Genesis 2:16-17) and are most free and safe only when we are in that relationship, in that way. Really, the best thing to do when we feel out of control isn’t to tighten our grip – but to loosen it. When you feel out of control, give God control.

This is contrary to both what the world thinks, and what we think. The world glorifies independence and the self-sufficient man. In his book 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos psychologist Jordan Peterson says, ‘Put things you can control in order… It is possible that you can manage, if you are careful.’

For us this worldly way seems tempting, God’s way seems terrifying. Trusting anyone other than ourselves with our life feels counter-intuitive. Who lets go of the wheel when your car hits surface water on the motorway?

Only someone who knows there’s a trustworthy person already holding the wheel more tightly than you ever could! When you’re sure that someone has your best interests at heart, then you can give them control. But how can we be sure God does have our best interests at heart?

Looking at Jesus’ ultimate act of surrender to His Father helps us here. In Gethsemane, Jesus faced abandonment, death and judgment – if ever there was a time to make sure someone who loved you was in control, it was then. And he said to God, ‘Not my will, but yours’ (Luke 22:42). And God brought about the most glorious things imaginable through this.

Thank goodness our Heavenly Father is this way, and not like any of Beckham’s questionable father figures. Not like his Dad, who refused to praise him as a child, or Alex Ferguson, who sold him to another club, or Glenn Hoddle, who claimed to ‘see something of himself’ in Beckham but then hung him out to dry in the press – or even football itself.

If you feel life is out of control, or find it hard to relinquish control, look at the cross and the Spirit will help you surrender. It’s not just safe to surrender to God, it is the best option possible. As author Emma Scrivener said on the Table Talk podcast recently, ‘I can imagine God coming up to Beckham and just saying, “David, give me the football”’.