Eyes wide open

How do you respond to suffering? We all react in different ways. A friend of mine is a self-confessed 'hermit' and hides herself away, I tend to sleep alot. Maybe it depends on the type of suffering. Maybe it depends on the type of person. 

Ed Sheeran is one of the biggest pop artists of the 21st century. Since rising to fame in 2011 at the age of 20, he’s already topped the UK charts 14 times – that’s just three times less than the Beatles did.

Recently, Ed’s suffering has been on display to a watching world. In the space of a month in February 2022, he was embroiled in a three-week court case, his pregnant wife, Cherry, was diagnosed with cancer, and then his best friend Jamal Edwards (who helped him launch his career) passed away.

‘The moment you find out that the worst thing in the world has happened to someone you truly love with all your heart, you feel like you’re drowning and can’t get out from under it,’ he said in a recent four-part Disney Plus documentary made about him, called The Sum of It All.

Unresolved pain

And Ed's response to his suffering? Both this Disney documentary and his new album, Subtract, released on 5 May this year (quickly becoming the fastest selling of 2023) tell us a lot.

In the lyrics for ‘Eyes Closed’, which topped the charts in April, we hear:

‘Been inside for most this year And I thought a few drinks, they might help’

‘And I don’t know what else that I can do So I’ll keep dancin’ with my eyes closed’

‘Dealin’ with the cards life dealt I’m still holdin’ back these tears’

‘Delusion is here again And I think you’ll come home soon’

He deals with it like anyone would; we see the full spectrum of responses: escapism, tears, denial. But ultimately, he has no answers, so he simply has to close his eyes.

The rest of the album and the documentary echo this bleak idea. As I watched each episode, I waited for the breakthrough moment. The ‘but it will all be okay, because…’ Instead, I was met with more of this honest, raw hopelessness. When sharing about all that happened, Ed said, with tears in his eyes: ‘Life hasn’t moved on for me yet, and I don’t actually think it ever will.’

Unlike his melodies, which often resolve so nicely, this response to pain has an unfinished feeling. We’re still waiting for the final note, hoping that there is one. Is there really nothing to say in the face of suffering? Is closing our eyes all that we can do?

A different response

Looking at Jesus’ story of suffering, we see a different response.

Like Ed Sheeran, Jesus was brought before the courts. Like Ed, Jesus lost a close friend, and like Ed, He publicly broke down in tears about it. Like all of us, Jesus suffered.

But there are two big differences here. Firstly, unlike us, Jesus didn’t shy away from this pain. On the cross, He willingly walked into it with His eyes wide open (John 10:18). Secondly, Jesus wasn’t helpless in it. Why could He walk into His suffering so willingly? How could He? Because He could see further than we can – He knew that His death would put a stop to it all. Through His death and resurrection, ‘there will be no more mourning, no more crying, no more pain’ and ‘every tear will be wiped away’ (Rev.21:4). On the cross, Jesus was playing the final note.

Having this future hope enabled Jesus to endure in His present suffering (Heb.12:2). And the same can be true of us, we can share in this same strengthening hope – if only we would lean into it.

At the end of the documentary, there was a moment when Ed Sheeran sang ‘Amazing Grace’ to a watching audience ‘because it was the song sung at Jamal’s funeral’. Tragically, he was singing about the wonderful hope we have, but not clinging on to it himself. How often do we do the same? As Tim Keller says in his book On Death, ‘Christians have a hope that can be rubbed into our sorrow and anger, the way salt is rubbed into meat… Grieve fully, but with profound hope!’