What do you do when a friendship goes wrong? Do you call them up and explain how you were hurt - or do you stop replying to messages and remove them from your life entirely?
If you are a part of Gen Z, you might do the latter. Sociologist Jenny van Hooff recently published a paper exploring how our culture views ‘toxic friendships’[1] and found ‘dispiriting’ results. Toxic behaviour was described as anything ‘unsympathetic or simply negative’ and ending a friendship like this was seen as a ‘desirable… even courageous’[2].
In other words, our friendships are being valued to the degree that we benefit from them. People are cut off if they disturb your peace. Where we used to argue and work through conflict, now in the name of ‘self-care’ we just walk away. (And we wonder why we’re so lonely?[3]).
It’s into this context that the movie adaptation of the stage-play Wicked has just been launched – a film about magic, identity, authority, but, more than any of this, a film about friendship. The plot tracks the relationship between the ‘good’ witch Glinda (Ariana Grande) and the ‘wicked’ witch Elphaba (Cynthia Erivo) who detest each other when they first meet but end up becoming ‘best friends’.
With such a theme, at such a time, perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised that the film has made the splash it has? It has grossed $372.9 million already and had the largest opening for a film based on a Broadway musical. Many are reporting leaving the cinema in tears[4], and interview clips, parodies and snippets of the songs are only ever one scroll away on social media (or maybe that’s just my Instagram algorithm!).
But there are plenty of TV shows and films with friendships in them – what’s so special about this one?
Unconditional friendship
There are many aspects to the relationship, but one part that strikes me is the unconditional nature of it. Our friendships often progress in the opposite way to Elphaba’s and Glinda’s. There’s an initial spark of chemistry and a quick bond but, as time passes and each others' flaws become more prominent, it can deteriorate or even end. In Wicked however, it’s the other way around – they start off ‘loathing’ each other but finish as firm friends.
In other words: they became friends despite seeing each other’s weaknesses. Glinda knew of Elphaba’s awkwardness and defensiveness, while Elphaba was aware of Glinda’s self-centredness and vanity – in fact, they’d both been hurt by these parts of the other. But they chose to love each other anyway.
This is a gospel way of doing friendships. What we see between Elphaba and Glinda is a microcosm of what our relationship with God in Jesus is like: seen, but still loved.
Except where they’ve just scratched the surface of each other’s flaws, He can see all our deepest selfishness and sinfulness. We are more toxic than we could imagine (Jeremiah 17:9), and yet He chooses us anyway. And where we won’t even allow our peace to be disturbed for a friend, He lays down his life for them.
It’s hard to grasp. God’s love is so ‘other’ (Isaiah 55:8), and our friendships these days are so different to how He loves us – so, I'm grateful for a film like Wicked that reminds us even in a small way of what it's like.
It reminds me of Tim Keller’s famous quote: ‘To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It’s what we need more than anything.’
[1] Bristol University press digital
[2] www.theguardian.com/wellness/2024/feb/21/when-end-friendships-toxic-self-care
[4] www.tiktok.com/discover/why-are-people-crying-after-wicked-movie
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