He is still good. Do you believe that?

How do you learn to trust again when your trust has been broken, time and time again?

How do you move on when the people you never thought would fall, fall so hard it leaves you questioning the reality of all you thought you once knew?

How does a broken, betrayed heart heal?

The unseen grief

The phrase "a broken heart" is often used in a post-romantic setting.

Love letters returned, a broken relationship after a whirlwind romance, or the bitter realisation that the sun of your life has set forever, buried with the body of the one you loved like life itself.

And while I am in no ways diminishing the pain of this experience – this future-shattering shift is something I am yet to experience – there is another form of "heartbreak" that is often overlooked.

This is the grief that you have no perceived right to feel: grief over a friend who has gone astray; grief over a lost relationship with someone you loved for who they were, not for who they now are; grief over the dreams and plans you have been forced to leave at the door of a harsher reality.

It is a grief of possibilities, of what was, what might have been, and what should be.

There is no tombstone you can point to, no eulogy you can write.

But the loss is no less real for being intangible.

Alone (humanly speaking)

The truth is that in pain, we are alone, humanly speaking.

As Proverbs so poignantly conveys, "The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy. … Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief." (Proverbs 14v10, 13)

People may have sympathy, but truly understanding the pain and sorrow of another’s situation is a rarity.

When someone dies, everyone expects grief and, to some extent, supports and facilitates that. But how do you grieve someone who is still alive, but no longer the same? How do you move on from someone who has moved on from you? How do you rebuild from the ruins of your hopes and dreams?

Do you still believe He is good?

It is immensely hard, but in this brokenness, in the rubble of our trust, we must remember that though people will fail us, our God never will.

He is unalterably faithful, good and trustworthy.

We may be alone, humanly speaking, but in every sorrow we are held in the hands of the God who chose us to be His children.

He will make us walk through the buffeting billows of loss and lead us into the hard, dark places of life, but He will never let go of our hand or leave us abandoned and at the mercy of this broken, sin-wrecked world.

More than this, He is the one who sovereignly brings the sorrows and disappointments we experience to mould us into His likeness.

You must wrestle with two questions: "Would I still follow Christ, even if all others abandoned Him?" and "Is He still good?"

As saved sinners, redeemed by the love of God, the answer to both of these should be a resounding yet humble "yes".

For those of us who have tasted of His goodness and forgiveness, we have no other choice but to cling to Him.

He is trustworthy. And He is still in control.

There, but for the grace of God, go I

The saying "There, but for the grace of God, go I", attributed to John Bradford, is something we should always bear in mind.

We may have had more of God’s restraining grace upon our lives, through no merit of our own, but we are no better in the depths of our hearts than any other sinner.

With Paul, our heart’s anthem should be, "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain." (1 Corinthians 15v10a)

God redeemed us. He can redeem them also.

This truth should both keep us from arrogance and a sense of moral superiority and also hold back our hearts from despair and hopelessness.

We cannot see His timing or understand His plan, but we can rest in the knowledge that our God is the God who redeems sinners like us and brings beauty from the ashes of our sin-diseased lives.

Pain in the Psalms

In our pseudo-independent Western world, and especially for those of us who are English, we tend to ignore and rationalise our emotions – often to the point of dismissing them altogether.

We think, therefore we do not feel. But Scripture is full of raw, real, emotion-riddled suffering. Pain is something that can shape our character and throw us on God’s grace. Just a quick scan of the Psalms shows the depth of pain that a human heart can suffer, but it also reminds us of the comfort of Christ and the "peace that surpasses understanding".

Sorrow should cast us desperate and tear-stained into Christ’s open arms, not drive us stiff-necked into the lifeless illusion of "having it all together".

May we say with Charles Spurgeon, "I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages."

Draw my wandering heart back to Thee

Pain, whether of the body or the soul, is God’s most effective tool to push us to the throne of grace.

"How hard it is sometimes to get the consent of our hearts to seek God! Jesus Christ went more willingly to the cross than we do to the Throne of Grace," wrote Thomas Watson, and there are few quotes that as clearly and brutally show our reluctance to come to Christ.

How often we need this reminder to draw near to God!

Whether it is pleading for the souls of others, or confessing our sins and shortcomings, we are all too reluctant to bring our requests to our Father.

Without the pain, the loss, and the desperation, we would be far too quick to grow confident in our moral ability and far too slow to recognise our insurmountable need for the grace of Christ.

We are so confident in our ability and the illusion of control that we clutch so tightly.

God knows what He must do to bring our wandering hearts back to Him. So, when the next wave of tumultuous disillusionment crumbles your faith in others, draw near to the One who will never fail you.

Take it a day at a time.

And always remember that He is still trustworthy.