May 18 saw the Family Education Trust conference held in central London thinking about What is Marriage?
Not so many years ago, it would have seemed a ridiculous question. There was a widespread consensus as to what constitutes a marriage. But in the context of the current debate surrounding same-sex relationships, there is considerable confusion surrounding the meaning of marriage and it is a question that desperately needs to be calmly and honestly addressed.
Revolution in marriage
Sharon James of the Coalition for Marriage shed considerable light on the subject. Dr. James reflected on how our understanding of marriage has changed over the past 50 years to the point where it is frequently viewed as being primarily about the emotional satisfaction of the two parties involved. She said that the idea that individual fulfilment is what ultimately counts and that a ‘pure’ relationship is one that has no obligations and constraints, and which either party is free to leave at any point, has contributed to chronic instability and insecurity within families and society.
Reflecting on a sexual revolution which has seen the advent of the contraceptive pill, the introduction of no-fault divorce, state provision of contraception and abortion regardless of marital status or age, and a dramatic rise in the prevalence of cohabitation and births outside marriage, Dr. James observed: ‘We have lived through 50 years of a massive social experiment. The older understanding of marriage, as a natural gendered institution, bigger than the individuals concerned, mainly about providing ongoing care for children, and of necessity supported by norms and obligations, has been thrown out’.
Disastrous consequences
In the name of affording greater freedom to individuals, successive governments have embraced and promoted permissive ideals and loosened the norms and obligations which have previously worked to protect the married family. Yet, as Dr. James demonstrated, the consequences for individuals, families and society have been disastrous.
‘We can already see, as a society, a little of the misery caused by the outworking of radical individualism and the new more flexible view of marriage. It isn’t working. It won’t work. And it can’t work.’
She therefore warned against legislating for same-sex marriage as the logical ‘last piece of the jigsaw’ in a radically revised understanding of marriage. Rather than take a further backward step, Dr. James argued that the government should restore and uphold marriage as the lifelong union of one man and one woman with the norms of exclusivity and fidelity at its heart.
Swedish family policies
Jonas Himmelstrand gave a penetrating and challenging critique of Swedish family policies. Mr. Himmelstrand, who with his family was forced to leave his native Sweden last year for home educating his three children, demonstrated how the Swedish government’s commitment to affordable daycare was having a devastating effect on children, parents and society as a whole.
He showed that, far from creating greater gender equality and improving children’s social development and academic outcomes, Sweden has a highly gender-segregated labour market and pay gap, a rising incidence of psychiatric illness among young people, a decline in school examination results and high levels of youth unemployment.
Compulsory daycare?
In spite of the fact that studies have repeatedly shown that the vast majority of Swedish mothers want to spend more time with their children, and that primary-aged children want to spend more time with their parents, Mr. Himmelstrand said that it was proving very difficult to discuss Swedish family policies through the normal democratic process. Indeed, some were suggesting that daycare should be made compulsory for all children and were presenting it as a child’s right that parents are not entitled to interfere with.
Not sustainable
Mr. Himmelstrand warned that Swedish family policies are not emotionally sustainable and need to be researched in depth before any attempt is made to adopt them as a model in any other country.
