A minister discusses whether a couple can still marry while the State is in lockdown
By default, I like to take time to think issues through. Over the years I have adopted and adapted a process to help in my theological reflections as I seek to come to a decision whenever I have been faced with a pastoral conundrum.
It begins with the presenting issue (which may need to be clarified) and moves on to bringing various resources to bear upon it in order to evaluate the issue from different perspectives. Preliminary conclusions may then be drawn and the critique of others sought (a ‘peer review’), before coming to a conclusion.
On the evening of 23 March our Prime Minister announced lockdown. An hour later I had a phone call from a young man who was due to marry his fiancée the following Saturday. A Christian couple, they had already bought a house, but only he was living in it because they wanted to remain true to God’s word and not live together before their wedding. Already the honeymoon abroad had been cancelled, then the reception, until all that was left was a small ceremony with just close family present. Now, with lockdown announced, even that was no longer a possibility.
The young man quizzed me about my theology and understanding of marriage and asked me if it would be possible for me to marry them ‘in the eyes of God’ the following day (using Zoom). Then he would be able to take his fiancée home as his wife before travel restrictions came into force.
I needed time to think and pray, although in the circumstances there was less available than I would have liked! I spoke with the couple’s parents (all Christians). And I engaged in one of the quickest pieces of theological reflection I have ever done and later that evening I agreed to go ahead.
Within the terms of my framework of theological reflection, my ultimate and final authority is the Scriptures. What does the Bible understand by marriage? And in order to help me in my review of what the Bible teaches I turned to some books on my study shelves by Christopher Ash and John Stott. In the latter’s book Issues Facing Christians Today Stott summarises a biblical view of marriage, based on Genesis 2:24 as: • an exclusive heterosexual relationship • publicly acknowledged at some event • a lifelong commitment • consummated by sexual intercourse • the context in which to nurture children
It was the second bullet point which was posing the issue for my young couple. Having had the opportunity for a public wedding ceremony taken from them, could they, nevertheless, get married in the eyes of God, even though such a marriage would not be recognised by the State? John Stott goes on to give an example of marriage in the eyes of God in exceptional circumstances: ‘If a man and a woman find themselves marooned on a desert island, they can undoubtedly enter into a valid marriage in the sight of God, even though all the trappings of a traditional wedding are unavailable to them. For what constitutes marriage before God is neither a legal document, nor a church service, nor an elaborate reception, nor a shower of gifts, but a reciprocal covenant, pledging lifelong fidelity and consummated in sexual union.’
I also turned to the Internet, exploring the history of weddings and marriages. I discovered that in Great Britain, the rules that govern getting married have evolved over time. It used to be a matter for canon law, not civil law. In other words, it was left to the Church (the Church of England) to define marriage and regulate who got married and when. I learnt about the Hardwicke Marriage Act of 1753, the first time that the State had legislated in this area.
And then I considered the fact that what the State presently recognises as marriage, I would not consider as being a marriage in the sight of God. Where once a biblical understanding of marriage and the State’s understanding of marriage were the same, they have now parted company. In other words, to state the obvious, God is the higher authority!
How then, did all this apply to my young Christian couple? I took the following into consideration:
• My couple had publicly declared their intention to get married with guests aplenty and celebrations planned.
• They had shown Christian integrity in waiting for their wedding day before living together as husband and wife.
• The State had temporarily suspended its legal recognition of anyone getting married, leaving my couple’s wedding the following Saturday ‘high and dry’, marooned on a Covid-19 island.
• State recognition of their marriage could follow in due course.
• Both had the blessing and consent of their parents.
• Via Zoom, others could witness them taking their vows before God.
Since then, the reaction of those whose advice and approval I would have sought beforehand has proven to be overwhelmingly positive. I have delved further and deeper into biblical, theological and ethical dictionaries, along with other books on marriage (e.g. by Timothy Keller) and they have confirmed to me that I believe that I made the right call and that my young friends are indeed husband and wife.
