It’s never been more accessible, or more socially acceptable.
So it’s no surprise that the use of pornography is on the rise. With over 90% of boys and 60% of girls viewing porn before they’re 18 – and Christian men and women (married and single alike) becoming more open about their ongoing struggles online – it’s an issue that the church cannot ignore. Too many are believing the lie that porn brings sexual freedom and quickly finding themselves in a prison of guilt, addiction or failed relationships.
Reasons why
There are reasons why people use porn. Individuals often cite boredom, curiosity, loneliness or tension-release as the immediate triggers for logging on, but below the surface deeper heart-issues are at play. For some, it is the relentless pursuit of experience – the wayward belief that to be fully human you have to be sexually active and, if that isn’t available in the real world, the online world offers a suitable second best. For others, it is the idol of relationships – believing the lies that sin-gleness can’t be good or that having the perfect partner is so important that our real partners can be dumped, for a few hours a week, to find what we truly desire.
For a few, it is control or even revenge – a desire to avoid the risks of real intimacy or the drive to play out scenarios that get back at those who have caused pain in the past. For all, it is an activity that rips God’s good gift of sex out of the right context of marriage. It involves treating humans as objects, getting pleasure from people we have never met, some of whom may have been trafficked into the adult sex industry as modern day slaves. At its core, it involves putting our own desires before God’s call to live without a hint of sexual immorality (Ephesians 5.3).
There is hope in Jesus
Pornography is not a trap from which there is no escape! As we encourage people to take the difficult step of talking to mature brothers and sisters in Christ about their pornography use, light can be brought into dark places.
We can point to passages that show Jesus’ love for sexual sinners – the friend of prostitutes who compassionately reaches out to people like the woman at the well (John 4). We can help others tease out what is driving their online obsession – transformation comes when hurts are brought to the Lord and idols set aside – so where there is pain, we can speak words of comfort and hope, where there is rebellion we can encourage the kind of repentance and faith that leads prodigals to run back into their loving Father’s arms (Luke 15.11-32).
And we can speak confidently of Jesus’ work on the cross which wipes away our sin, gives hope for the future and power in the present to live life his way. We can remember that, as Christians, we have the privilege of being ‘in Christ’ – a new identity, with new privileges that come with new calls to Kingdom life (Ephesians 1).
We can help people build deeper, more gospel-centred relationships in real life and in so doing help them to move away from their fantasy ‘friends’. We can be active in teaching our children, telling them the truth about sex rather than allowing them to believe the lies of the worldwide web. And we can sensitively talk to married couples about their struggles in the bedroom, or the real, physical frustrations of a single life, showing both empathy for the pain and confidence that God’s Word has treasures to help re-orientate expectations, repair relationships and bring contentment. Week by week, we can be active in praying for one another, spurring one another on (Hebrews 10.24) and encouraging accountability.
Would you be willing to check up on a friend’s online activity each week – would you be willing to let a friend check yours? All this while revelling in the truth that our struggles will one day be no more (Revelation 21).
The battle won’t be won if we stay silent but, in relationship with the Lord and the family of God, true freedom and true purity can become the reality for those who struggle now.
