A story of the Lord of life at work today on the tough housing estates in Scotland
John Caldwell is now the ministry assistant at Bracadale and Portree Free Church on the Isle of Skye in Scotland and also teaches RE at Portree High School. Sixteen years ago that would have seemed unlikely.
Scotland is no stranger to crime and addiction. Stories of senseless evil and tragedy are brought to our awareness on a daily basis.
I grew up in a housing scheme. One of the things that marked life in this scheme was its intense depth of darkness. Darkness did not just appear periodically; darkness dwelt in the scheme permanently.
Graduate of the school of chaos
By the time I was 18, my own life had spiralled completely out of control. While many of my peers were celebrating their 18th birthdays by an initiation to a pub or a club, I was immersed in a drink and drug culture that went beyond party time. While many other 18-year-olds were leaving school and heading to university, I had fully qualified in the school of dysfunction and chaos.
Many school associates would go out for a social drink; in the scheme there was no such thing as a social drink. You drank to get wrecked. As an 18-year-old I was at the end of myself and felt there was no hope. There was no purpose, only desperation and drug and alcohol dependency.
The Holy Book
I eventually reached the stage where I knew I needed help. I realised I was not going to be able to sort things out on my own. I felt a strange desire to read a Bible. I had a vague recollection that we had a ‘Holy Book’, which resembled what may have been a Bible, somewhere at home. Being Catholic, we had all sorts of religious paraphernalia in our house, but rather than being highly visible and on display (as they were at my grandparents’ house), they were stashed away in a cupboard or drawer.
I went over to the storage unit at the back of the living room. I opened the cupboard and raked through countless useless items in search of a Bible. The cupboard was full of dead batteries, old keys and adaptors for things that no longer worked. I knew that this was where the religious stuff was also kept.
As I raked through the cupboard, I found holy water, confirmation candles, crucifixes and a prayer book, but no Bible. What I had thought was a Bible was simply a book on Catholic liturgy, and most of it was completely unintelligible to me. I gave up my search and resigned myself to the fact that there was no Bible in the house.
A short while later my sister came home from school. Upon coming through the front door, the first words that came out of her mouth were: ‘The Gideons were at school today, and they gave me this Bible.’ A strange feeling came over me; it was like fear mingled with intrigue.
I tried to play it cool. I wanted the Bible, but I did not want it known that I had any interest in it. I made some sarcastic comments about ‘Bible bashers’ and in a dismissive tone of voice asked her to ‘show me the book anyway’. ‘What’s all this about?’ I sneered, flicking through the pages.
Trembling with fear
As I opened the first few pages, I glanced at the words on the page and found myself trembling with fear. The words on the page grabbed my attention in a vice-like grip: ‘Where to find help when in time of need … Desperate (at your wits’ end) … Distressed or troubled … Tempted to commit suicide … Drink abuse … Drugs abuse.’
What on earth is going on? I thought to myself. These are the very issues that I am facing. How can this book, which is thousands of years old, speak to these modern problems? What does the Bible have to say about these issues? This is supposed to be a religious book.
Up until now, I’d considered religion to be something that was completely irrelevant to everyday life. I had no idea that the Bible spoke right into the very questions and struggles of human existence.
At times when I felt really low I would turn to that little red Gideon New Testament and Psalms. One day I turned to the Book of Revelation, and I stumbled on the part which speaks about the final judgment. I very quickly understood the heart of this passage. There was a day to come when God would judge the entire world. The book spoke of people in white robes. I figured that these were Christians. It spoke of the condemnation of the wicked. I immediately knew which category I fell into.
Although I was occasionally consulting the Bible, very little changed outwardly. I was still drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, getting into fights and occasionally having encounters with the police.
Church with open gates
One dark winter’s night, while drinking with a few of my uncles, we ran out of cigarettes and I agreed to walk over to my flat and get some tobacco. I was heading away from the pub when I noticed that the little church building next door to the pub had its lights on. The gates were open and it looked as if a service was on. Feeling quite confident, since I had a bit of a drink in me, I ducked through the doors of the church. I had turned up half way through the meeting, but the folks were very friendly and after the meeting had finished they invited me back the following Sunday. I did go back the following Sunday, and there I heard the gospel of salvation by grace preached for the first time.
I knew what I had to do
A few days after going back to the church, I was alone in my flat. I went to my bedroom and picked up a Bible I had been given and a leaflet that an old preacher at the church had given me. I flicked through the leaflet; it spoke about Jesus being the only ‘safe door’ and that in order to be saved we need to enter through this door. It was all a bit too metaphorical for me, but there was a prayer at the back of the leaflet. It was a prayer which invited the reader to trust in Jesus Christ as Saviour and Lord.
I knew what I had to do; I needed to ask Jesus into my life. I immediately fell on my knees and began to cry out to God. I poured out my heart in a confession of sin, telling God how sorry I was for the mess I had made of my life.
Washed in love, joy and peace
Later on that day I headed out for a walk All of a sudden I began to feel something. While I struggled to describe it at the time, a feeling of love, joy and peace began to wash over my entire being. Fear, guilt and shame evaporated and love filled its place. It was so strong. I looked out the window again, and the whole world seemed to have been transformed. Every part of creation seemed to radiate with life and light. I became deeply aware of Jesus. I didn’t really understand what was happening; I had never heard of such experiences or that they were even possible. Although I was unable to explain what was taking place at the time, I now realise that my eyes were being opened to the glory of God.
I had no idea how much my life would change the day and the hour I placed my faith in Christ. Since that time, the Lord has brought deep transformation into my life. In many ways, my experience reflects that which is recorded in Psalm 107.
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
He sent out his word and healed them;
he rescued them from the grave.
