Evangelism's golden rule: Ask good questions

Ask other people the kinds of questions you wish they were asking you. It’s not a silver bullet, but it is the golden rule.

Many of us have friends who we’d love to share our faith with, but who seem completely apathetic. They are just not interested in Christianity. They may not be interested in religion or spirituality at all, or even be particularly bothered about big issues like purpose or morality. So what do we do? How do we love and witness to them?

Well of course, there are many answers to that. Pray for them. Introduce them to a wider community of Christians. Be patient and wait for the moment to come when life forces them to ask the big questions and they need someone they trust who can help them find answers. But here’s one thing we can do conversationally in the meantime – we can follow the Golden Rule.

Jesus teaches us to do unto others what we would have them do unto us. As we think about and pray for these friends, we desperately want them to be interested in the things we care deeply about – God, His grace, eternal life. So if we want them to be interested in what we care about, we should be actively taking an interest in what they care about.

Think of a friend of yours who’s apathetic about God. Do you know what really matters to them? If you’re not sure, in a social context where getting a bit deep is appropriate – maybe over dinner or on a walk – try asking them! What gets them up in the morning? What would they say they’re passionate about in life?

Or here’s an interesting way to do it. There’s a podcast called ‘The Sacred’ where Elizabeth Oldfield interviews all kinds of different people, and her first question is always: “What do you hold as sacred?” or “What is sacred to you?” Why not listen to an episode or two, mention the podcast and ask a friend that question?

Then, whatever comes out – whether it’s an aspect of life like family or career, or a particular interest like music or travel, or a value like equality or education or care for the environment – it’s a great chance to listen actively and thoughtfully. Ask them more questions about it: When did it become so important to them? How are they feeling about it at the moment? What are their hopes for the future? As the conversation progresses you might even be able to ask the deeper questions: Why do they think this thing matters? Where do they think our passion for this comes from?

This is a good thing to do on many levels. Firstly, an honest, thoughtful question is an act of love and care. Secondly, it gently invites people into a deeper kind of friendship, where you understand each other more. Thirdly, it helps you get to know someone better and reflect on how their values and beliefs might interact with the good news of Jesus. Even in that conversation you might be able to think out loud about how being a Christian shapes the way you also care about the things they care about. And finally, it may be that sometimes you caring enough to ask good questions helps them feel comfortable enough to ask you some good questions back.

I can’t promise it will lead to an instant bubbling up of curiosity about the cross of Christ. It’s certainly no substitute for prayer and patience. But it’s an act of love that surely can’t do any harm and might just, in God’s grace, do some good for your friendship now, and for your friend forever.