A helpful challenge – but I don’t recognise those views

This article was written in response to the article "Same-sex attraction and identity: Are evangelicals on the right track?" by Matthew Roberts.

At Living Out, we are aware of the responsibility that we carry. We know it from the emails that we receive from believers who experience same-sex attraction and are looking to us for help and resources. We know it from the churches who come to us for advice and wisdom as they seek to hold a Biblical position on both sexual ethics and pastoral care.

We know that this responsibility is no small thing, and so we consider critique carefully, especially when the charge laid at our door is that of devaluing the blood of Christ.

There is helpful challenge in what Matthew says in his article, though perhaps not quite in the way in which he intends. Being candid, I didn’t recognise his summary of what we believe: “Homosexual orientation and identity is real, and in itself morally neutral; but homosexual activity is sinful and must be avoided.”

We don’t believe that sexual desire for someone of the same sex is morally neutral. At the very best, it is a temptation that emerges from a heart that has sin within it (Mark 7v20-23). Matthew cites this passage to indicate the sinfulness of the desires that emerge from within. As it happens, that passage is part of the material that I routinely teach at a Living Out event. While our culture that tells us we must follow our heart, Jesus specifically warns of the danger of that approach. With Jesus, we believe that the human heart is contaminated by sin, and that sin manifests itself in all of us in multiple ways, including, for some of us, same-sex desire. It’s why Scripture’s image of the Christian life is of an ongoing battle (1 Peter 2v11) and an ongoing need to put sin to death (Rom.8v13).

In the same way, we don’t believe that our sexual desires are a good basis for establishing our core identity. One of the more important moments in my life came when I was a student. I was a Christian but had experienced same-sex attraction for a number of years. It was painful and I didn’t know what to do with it. One day, I was in a Christian Union meeting where the preacher was tackling Ephesians 1. He noted the repeated phrase describing a Christian as “in Christ” and made an application that was unusual for the 1990s: he mentioned that a senior policeman had just come out as gay. He then looked at us and observed that some in the room might share that man’s attractions. “But,” he said, “I want you to know this: your identity is that you are in Christ.” That became foundational for me: the most important thing about me is that I belong to Jesus. In the hundred or so Living Out events that I’ve spoken at over the last few years, I’m not sure I’ve ever omitted that story. It is at the heart of what we believe.

But that story also indicates why Matthew and I do have a different approach, and why I’m not convinced his manifesto is actually good for our witness or our children. It would not have helped me if that preacher had sought to persuade me that my experience of same-sex attraction was not real in some way. Painfully, I knew it was. Despite many prayers that the Lord would change my basic attractions, that had not and has not happened. The same will be the story of many people in our churches.

What will that be like? For those of us who are Christians living with same-sex attraction, suffering and temptation will be part of our experience. Putting sinful desires to death is painful, in the short term at least (as Jesus indicated it would be, e.g. Mark 8 v34-35). That often comes alongside a sense of feeling different or perhaps fearing that marriage and having children may never be a possibility. Gentle pastoral counsel has to take those realities seriously. As we do that, we point people to Jesus. According to Hebrews 2v18, Jesus can help those who suffer when they are being tempted because He suffered when He was tempted. Of course we need to be careful as we ponder the deep mystery of Jesus’ temptations, but we need to be clear that we can look to Him for help in the midst of our own.

In all these areas, Jesus is our model. As we look at his earthly ministry we see two things strikingly. He has a very clear sexual ethic, that He both teaches and obeys. Sex is for the marriage of a man and a woman (Matt. 19v4-6), and we are to be ruthless in dealing with temptation (Matt.5v27-30). But at the very same time, He is constantly going towards those who are sexually immoral, such as the woman at the well in Samaria (John 4), to offer them living water. This is why sinners of all kinds seem to flock to Him. He was regarded as the friend of sinners (Matt.11v19).

Though we will all do it imperfectly, our aim must be to reflect Jesus. This is why we at Living Out provide resources that engage with Pride Month, for example. It’s not because we think Pride is good (the name itself is a bit of a giveaway in that regard) any more than Jesus thought having five husbands was a good thing. It’s because our children and many in the workplace will inevitably be faced with it. As they have conversations, we want to equip them to introduce people to the One who offers living water to a thirsty culture, perhaps especially those who are discovering that simply living out their desires isn’t the path to true life.

Trying to do all of the above involves nuance. I’m not sure we should be surprised by that. We are dealing with people who (like all of us) are simultaneously made in the image of God (Gen.1v27) and are evil according to Jesus (Matt.7v11). Nuance is challenging because it involves trying to portray different but complementary truths simultaneously. That’s why we as a team take critique seriously, including that from Matthew, to ensure we are doing it appropriately in the best way we can.

Reflecting on this is important because these issues matter. Sam Allberry is a good friend of ours and the last few weeks have reminded us of the ongoing need for wisdom and grace. We are aware of the responsibility the Lord seems to have given us. Please pray for us.