Defining love

We pride ourselves on being an ever-progressive, forward-thinking, constantly moving society.

Cultures and countries compete on who has the elixir of true enlightened living, most notably fulfilled in emotional, physical and mental well-being.

We are ceaseless in our seeking, ever ground-breaking in our research, and incessant in our talk of the future.

Nothing stays the same. Stagnancy, immobility are merely synonyms for regression, for those stuck behind the times, ever fixed in an archaic mindset. There are traditions of course, but these are even rushed through, feeding our hunger for the next thing.

No sooner has the Christmas chocolate left the shelves, the Easter eggs appear, without even waiting for Valentine’s treats to have their time.

Seasons are temporary, rushed. Where once there was space on aisles and in our conversation for tradition, for considering the season, now all reference to tradition is fleeting and becomes an excuse for watered-down, conveyabelt and information consumption.

So, in the month of February, Valentine’s Day will be rushed through, and any consideration of love, of human relationship, will be either dismissed as ‘marketing, pointless ploy,' or used for that very purpose.

But when love is at best an undefinable, mystical experience, or at worst an animalistic impulse and human ‘need’ for power or survival, it is no wonder.

Progress and discovery are neither good nor bad in themselves. Indeed, much of the time they are necessary and positive.

However, as with everything, we need to slow down enough to take the time to consider, dwell and see them through the right lens.

I was reading a secular, lay-approach to attachment theory enacted in family therapy recently (Hold Me Tight by Dr Sue Johnson) that was all at once incredibly rich in common grace and glimpses of the gospel, identifying the crisis of loneliness, isolation and detachment in life, and insisting on the place of emotional recognition and engagement in relationships.

The approach is highly effective in improving communication and connection in family relationships. However, for a method that claims to get below the surface of conflict to an emotional depth (were the heart to have a place in Johnson’s worldview, she might use the term ‘get to the heart’), it remains woefully superficial and dissatisfying.

As the language of love is rushed past us, or even as we dash past, avoid or dismiss Valentine’s Day this month, might there be a call from us as God’s people to slow the pace of this season? Might we have a duty to still the conversation and make more room for love to come to the fore?

Our faith should never be lazy, never rest, never take a vacation. It should be unceasing in action and speaking of Christ. Friends, social science theories, and supermarket profit will rise up in animosity against Christian faith, labelling it intolerant or quietening it with distraction or degradation.

But our Christian faith is one always found in Christ himself, defined by all He is and all He has done. As Martin Luther preached: ‘The cross of Christ comes to make this life tiresome to us and the Last Day desirable.’

And it is at the cross alone where we see the reality of our absolute, definable, eternal claim of love. We see at the cross most clearly that ‘God is love.' Here we behold a love so perfect, so complete, so powerful that it defies death not definition, perfect not progressive, older than human life itself and lasting forevermore.

It is not human self-seeking, but God self-humbling. Not human self-fulfilment of felt need, but God’s necessary action to fulfil His good, pleasing and perfect purposes. Never mutually transactional agreement to satisfy emotional or physical desire, but the gracious covenant of an eternally faithful and righteous God with His undeserving, incapable and rebellious children.

At the cross we see true love displayed for us to gaze upon eternally. At the cross we are called to remain even as the seasons and traditions of our times change. At the cross we see absolute, definitive love.

God himself revealed in Jesus Christ.