Research on singleness
Christian singleness is a very difficult topic to address.
This is due to the diverse range of people that make up ‘Christian singles’. There are those that have never married, or are divorced, or widowed. Some are single parents and others are not. Some see singleness as a gift, others choose it, but many desire to be married. The age span is across an adult’s life. This topic is often avoided in churches for fear of offending a particular subgroup.
I am writing as a single who desires to be married in the middle phase of life and I am involved in Christian singles ministry.
Dating site
Christian connection – www.christian connection.co.uk – the largest Christian online dating site in the UK, recently did a survey on Christian singleness across all ages and denominations. They have set up a website on the research – www.singlechristians. co.uk – with particular insights for singles, church leaders and national church bodies. This is to raise awareness of the issues facing Christian singles. In the UK, one in three adults are single living alone and this is increasing (ONS, 2012).
Key findings
These are according to answers given by Christian singles.
• Churches are considered great places to be when they make no distinction based on marital status in any area of church life.
• Single Christians are less happy in evangelical churches as they receive little teaching or practical support to understand and manage their singleness and possible dating.
• 54% of Christian singles haven’t been on a date in the last year; only 5% date often. Even among people actively seeking a marriage partner, dating frequency is low.
• Church leaders are reported as helpful if: talks are relevant to singleness; social fun events are organised; hospitality is offered; they support role models of well-lived single Christian lives.
• The positives of being a Christian single were: a greater purpose in life; increased well-being; community of church family; release from social pressures; Christian friendship.
• On average, women manage being single better, are more sociable and find the challenge of being single strengthens their faith more than men.
• David Pullinger (Christian singles researcher) recently stated there are approximately two to three single females to every single male in the church.
Recommendations for leaders
• Find out how many people are single in your church.
• Integrate single people into the whole life of the church.
• Appoint a leader to look after the interests of single adults (and to consider their unique situations: never married, divorced, widowed, single parents; and their preferences i.e. the desire to marry or not)
• Have role models and mentoring of living a single Christian life well.
• Offer practical advice on singleness and relationships as appropriate. Be able to give advice on helpful counselling programmes if not available in the local church e.g. www.divorcecare.org; bereavement support; relationship counselling; local Christian single friendship and fellowship groups such as Bedford Christian Singles– www.bedfordchristian.singles
• Support single people who want to meet others with the prospect of dating, relationship and Christian marriage. (Helpful reading: Boundaries in Dating by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend; Divorce by Frank Retief; Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts by Drs Les and Leslie Parrott; The Ultimate Dating Guide for Widowers, by Abel Keogh)
• Consider singles when making applications in sermons to the church family.
• Include singles in church events and offer them hospitality in your homes.
If you have little experience of Christian singleness, and would consider having a talk at your church on this topic related to the research, please express your interest by emailing info@singlechristians.co.uk
