Lessons from 30 years

I still remember looking at the map in March 1979 to find where Rochester was.

I remember the Church Secretary asking me in September 1979 if I would be interested in coming back as pastor. I think it was then that reality kicked in. I had one more year to complete at the Irish Baptist College in Belfast, and had still hoped that I could return to my previous job which I loved.

The church asked me to come. There were six weeks of intense discussion, because, due to critical family circumstances, the move to Rochester would be quite drastic. But we came, and I started as pastor in September 1980. The situation in the church was so dire that I offered my resignation to two deacons two hours after the induction service. I felt like I was going to be cannon fodder, which in the words of one of the deacons would ‘soon be gone anyway’. What he meant was that he would soon see that I moved on.

I had never given much thought as to how long I would be around. Most other men seemed to stay about five years in their first church. This would probably be my lot. How my views have changed. But this particular topic is another subject for another day.

What are some of the things I have learned over the years?

1. Family

I usually feel quite emotional when I think of the incredible love and support I have received from my wife, son and two daughters (these now include a daughter-in-law and two sons-in-law). My wife has been a rock, loyal and appropriate. I should stress that I feel it is important she is not used by me or anyone as a kind of assistant pastor. We talk about church life on a need-to-know basis.

I hope my family have never felt that I have taken them for granted. Tragically, sometimes I hear (and it is not gossip) of terrible circumstances which exist within some pastors homes. A pastor can conduct a fairly harsh regime for the sake of building his own reputation. He can be keen that his family behave in particular ways for his own self-interest.

2. Loyal supporters

I have learned that there is always a good percentage of people in every church who are incredibly loyal and supportive. Of course they won’t (and shouldn’t) always agree with everything the pastor does. However, even when there may be differences of opinion, these people are caring and dependable.

But what happens? At the firsp sniff of difficulty it is all too easy for a Pastor to find his attention drawn to the difficulty. This becomes all-consuming, and eventually wears him down, and he becomes negative, even leaving the church for new pastures. He abandons the caring godly people. Surely we can say more often than we do, ‘I thank my God for every remembrance of you’.

3. Defensiveness

I have learned that anyone who is inclined to become defensive when they receive criticism ought not to be a pastor. Of course we all feel hurts. These do not lessen with the passage of time. We never become used to it, or at least we should never become used to it.

You know the sort of person who can do one of two things. Either he flies off the handle in self-defence or he may simply become melancholy of himself. The real purpose for this is to gain sympathy. People eventually give up being honest with him because they don’t want to hurt the poor man’s feelings.

4. Outside interests

I have learned that it is important to maintain interests and friends outside the church. Get in among people where not one of them is a Christian. This will keep our feet on the ground. Do you not think that there might not be too many ‘professional’ conference speakers? Their message is biblical and comes with all the right language.

However, it is clear that the speaker has lost touch years ago with the real life situations of both Christians and non-Christians. So stay in touch. Better, at times, to give up that fraternal and spend time as a genuine friend of that non-Christian.

5. Proactive pastoring

I have learned that a conscientious pastor must be proactive in dealing with issues in the church. It is far too easy to hope they will just disappear. But they don’t. Yes, it might remain under the carpet until the pastor receives this often baffling ‘call’ to another church, but then up they pop again.

As an example of being proactive I try to ask most married couples at least once each year how their marriage is. I try to ask anyone who has had a particular issue, if they feel it has been resolved.

Of course we need the wisdom to know when not to waste our time. Some people don’t want answers.

6. Failing to question

I have sadly had to learn, and this has been one of my most difficult lessons, that most evangelical churches will take those who are under discipline, or have caused trouble, in another church without any questions being asked. They prefer to fill a few more seats than co-operate on this matter. I could even say I am dismayed about this. Church hopping exists for one reason only, and that is because pastors encourage it. I have taken the view for many years now that if someone starts to attend the meetings, then I will, after about three weeks, tell that person that I will be contacting his or her previous church. Most never return.

7. Neutering discipline

I have learned that discipline within the local church is so often neutered because of family ties and personal friendships. Biblical principles are shelved by those who at other times are keen to sniff out any hint of departure from biblical truth.

8. Joy of the pastor

I have learned, as time passes, what an incredible joy it is to be part of that process of seeing someone come to personal faith in Jesus Christ. It is just fantastic to see people steadily grow in Jesus Christ, sometimes after years of nurturing. This makes up for the pain of losing others.

Thank you, family and Christian friends, for all these years that God has allowed us to be together.

As Wesley Aiken celebrates 30 years as pastor at Rochester Baptist Church, he reflects on what he has learned