Behind closed doors

What is life really like in your home, when the doors are closed and the world is shut out?

Perhaps it is not all that your Christian friends imagine! I guess that most of those who saw David’s delight in bringing the ark to Jerusalem, and experienced his personal thoughtfulness and generosity in the gift of food to all in the vast hungry crowd, would have been staggered to see the verbal brawl he had with his wife Michal when he arrived home.

What a torrent of cutting sarcasm awaited David as the front door opened. And with what bitter hurtful words David replied. Yet this was, seemingly, a marriage of lasting love (1 Samuel 18 and 2 Samuel 3.13): a marriage that, remarkably, had survived the crisis of years of enforced separation. What can we learn for our own family lives from such a familiarly depressing incident? There are two questions that stand out to us here.

1. How come living at home can be so difficult?

No passage of the Bible reminds us more clearly that the homes in which godly people live may become places of tension and bitter words. How does that happen? There are six clues here! It is because:

* we are flawed. Michal is cold to God (see v.16) and envies David. David is proud of his position (v.21) and can’t handle unjust criticism. But then God has not finished changing believers. Sin will rear its ugly head even at home, and disastrously so, unless we are humbly diligent.

* there are no spectators at home. We relax there, and are not so bothered about how we appear. It is unlikely that David and Michal behaved like this in public.

* we have to relate to those we live with. We can avoid people at work or church, but not at home. If you have an issue with a family member, it is bound to come out.

* we see things differently from other family members. David and Michal had different genes, different upbringing and a different experience of God. Yet, even when we have all these things in common, we still have different ideas, likes and personalities. It is often difficult to understand each other even when we try. And, like David here, we often don’t try.

* other, often unrelated, matters affect our moods. Michal may well be frustrated that David’s job keeps him away from home so much. Certainly she is already living with childlessness in an appalling situation in which she has rivals for her husband’s affection. We too carry on our family relationships against the background of life’s many problems, and often a difficult history in the relationship itself.

* it is not easy to control our tongues. None of us finds it easy to control what we say, and sometimes we are provoked as David was. This incident reminds us that letting rip is alarmingly easy, and achieves nothing worthwhile.

It is tough living at home. We all have much cause for reflection and repentance. And those who live alone are not exempt from that need. Living alone, too, is very far from easy (reflect on Genesis 2.18) and can so easily lead to selfishness and intense loneliness, which in turn often spawns bitterness and self pity. And those character traits only make the relationships you do have more difficult and less satisfying.

2. Is there anything positive we can learn from this incident about living at home to the glory of God?

Surprising as it may seem, there is quite a lot that can be learned from this depressing incident that will help us to put things right at home! These things strike me:

* Remember God sees, knows and disciplines his children. The fact that this ‘private’ incident is recorded reminds us that God knows all that goes on in private. No public fa�ade ever fools him. His response (v.23) also reminds us that he acts to bring us to acknowledge and forsake our sins. We can only truly relax at home when we have worked hard at relationships, and harder still at putting on all the graces of Christ. Even then we need to watch our hearts constantly.

* Never blame others for your own behaviour. How easy it is to say, ‘If she hadn’t started on me as soon as I came in I would never have said what I did’. That may well be true, but it does not satisfy the Saviour (Luke 6.27-31 and Romans 12.17-21). If the Spirit of God lives within, you don’t have to take your cue from others.

* Remember God’s perpetual willingness to forgive, help, transform and bless you! Paradoxically, the disturbing context of the striking down of Uzzah makes that clear. Uzzah died because David did not listen to God’s clear directions about carrying the ark (see a clue that David has grasped this in v.13). Yet, for a while David had been angry and alarmed, and had wanted nothing to do with God and his ark. But he learned the answer to his folly from God’s goodness to the family who ‘took God in’! God had not only re-taught David that he is the Holy God, but has reminded David that he is unfailingly gracious to those who serve him in the smallest ways, and definitely the God of ‘second chances’. Personal domestic failings can be devastating, and the devil loves to drive those who are deeply conscious of them to despair. We ever need to remember that extraordinary lessons of the parable of the ‘prodigal son’. Where sin abounds, and it does in many Christian homes, grace much more abounds to those made penitent by grace.

* Pray that God would bless your home, and life and relationships there. The tragedy of this incident is that David went home with a heart full of true love for his family (v.20). Clearly, desiring God’s blessing on your family doesn’t guarantee that all will be well at home! Yet surely it is a wholesome and helpful spirit. Are your thoughts like David’s when you come home from work, shopping or church?

Honesty and grace

The Bible is a painfully honest book. It not only accurately records the shouting match between Michal and David just outside the door of their palatial home, it reminds us how life can degenerate in homes where love exists and God is owned as Lord. It shows us, too, what ought not to be. It shows that even the hearts of the most godly are still capable of vile words the instant after heartfelt worship and loving service. It calls us to repentance, with a warning that where sin is persisted in, we can expect strong discipline from our loving Father.

Thankfully, it also shouts to us of the grace of God — the God who forgives the penitent and is always ready to take them back and even shower on them new blessings. Oh, how we believers need grace!

Graham Heaps

© Evangelicals Now - March 2010
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