Internet dating - What do we think of this new way of meeting people?

‘It’s so hard to meet people’ — so often Christian singles struggle to meet a suitable partner. Sadly, far too many, as the years tick by, give up on finding a Christian — and eventually marry a non-believer. We all know the sad consequences that this so often has on their faith. But many Christian single men and women face this temptation, especially those in smaller churches and with few opportunities to meet other singles.

So that’s why it’s so important to make opportunities for Christian singles to get to know each other. Oak Hall holidays, conferences, multi-church celebrations, Christian socials and events — why not! And now, thanks to the internet, there’s a whole new way for Christian singles to meet each other.

My own situation was a bit unusual: a single Christian guy serving God overseas, with few opportunities to meet like-minded single girls out there. At times loneliness was a struggle for me. Many a local friend would ask me whether they should set me up with one of the local girls — I had my answer to keep them off my back: ‘I’ll go back to England and look’. But, when I came back to the UK last summer, I had nothing to lose so I thought I might as well ‘look’, and hence I joined the new and strange world of internet dating!

Sites for Christians

There are a number of internet dating sites out there, specifically designed for Christians. Some are better than others — sometimes there seem to be lots of people on a particular site — but later you find that the vast majority of them don’t use the site anymore. There are good ones though (see below).

How to…

For the uninitiated, this is how it works: First, you write a ‘profile’ about yourself. Answering a few multiple choice questions, and then giving some longer answers about your life, interests, and your Christian walk. At this point you can also add a photograph. This will increase your chance of success whatever you look like — it just makes the process of communicating with each other seem more ‘normal’.

Then you get a chance to look through other people’s profiles — looking out for people of a similar age, interests and maturity. If someone’s profile catches your eye, you can contact them through the site without disclosing any personal information such as email addresses or phone numbers. If they respond, and you find you get on, you can eventually email, talk on the phone or meet in person.

Warning

A word of warning here: not every one is as they seem — if you do meet it’s wise to do it in a public place, travel independently, let a friend know what you’re doing and so on. It’s a good idea not to take too many expectations into a first meeting: you need to be a bit thick-skinned. Not every encounter is going to blossom into romance, sometimes you’ll feel awkward, disappointed and so on, and if you don’t think the relationship is going anywhere it’s best to part on friendly terms with no promise or obligation to meet each other again. Internet dating is not for everyone — you need a certain confidence to make yourself vulnerable, deal with rejection, and so on. However, sometimes things really do work.

I had an interesting two or three months contacting and meeting people through a number of different Christian dating sites. I restricted myself to people in the South East of England, preferably close to where I live. It’s worth noting that there are many times more Americans on some of these Christian sites than Brits — and I know of trans-Atlantic relationships which have developed to marriage — but that wasn’t for me. In addition I was only interested in those who had an interest in Christian work overseas — which limited things somewhat!

First meeting

My first meeting was on the south coast, a very pleasant and confident girl who was a young Christian — we had a nice time but neither of us felt the relationship would go far, and we didn’t meet again. I had a number of other meetings, some were quite enjoyable, others a bit awkward — like one girl who didn’t even give me time to finish my coffee before announcing she wanted to leave!

A lot in common

One autumn evening I went down to the south coast a second time to meet someone I’d been in touch with for a couple of weeks. She was a doctor, with experience serving God overseas and a desire to go out long term. I was the very first person she’d met through the internet, and she was somewhat nervous on our first encounter, but we both felt we had a lot in common and we were excited to get to know each other more. After a while it didn’t matter at all how we first met, as we enjoyed having fun together and getting to know each other’s interests, spiritual lives, families and churches. We’re now engaged to be married this summer, and planning to go overseas next year. We’re so grateful to God for bringing us together, and for the Christian site without which we would never have met.

So — a few specific sites — in case you’re interested for yourself (or a single friend!)

http://www.christiancafe.com
We met through this site! It’s simple and easy to use, has a two-week free trial before you have to pay. A lot of UK members, but many more in the US and other countries.

http://www.christianconnection.co.uk
A good site with only UK members and five-day free trial. Old profiles (i.e. people who have stopped paying their subscriptions) are deleted so the profiles you see are all active members.

http://www.linkchristians.co.uk
I’ve friends who met through this UK-only site, but it doesn’t have so many active members. Has a free trial.

http://www.fusion101.com
A free site! Has a lot of profiles, but its limited search facilities make it tricky to use.

Mark Mitchell

Editor: While Mark has endorsed Christian websites, great care might be needed with respect to non-Christian agencies.