Monthly youth leaders column

As I visit various churches and groups of churches with Root 66 training courses, an issue, which keeps coming up, is the role of parenting in the life of the church. In the December EN I raised this as an issue and I want now to suggest some practical ways of helping the parents of the children we teach and lead.

Most would acknowledge that parenting is no easy task. Often when our first child is born we feel that we’re making it up as we go along. When a child comes along we have all taken our new baby to church for everyone to admire and this can soon be followed with having to deal with some difficult issues.

It’s tough

The first point is probably most important; the ability to admit it’s tough. Many of our churches still seem to run on a council of perfection. The only greeting we allow each other is ‘I’m fine’ when we’re not. Parenting is seen as a sign of godly character and, if we are struggling with our children we somehow drop down the holiness and godliness stakes. I would love to see every young mother and father being mentored / loved / prayed for by an older couple who have been through the joys and sorrows of parenting. Titus 2 reminds us that this is the biblical norm; older women are to ‘urge the younger women to love their husbands’. If older men and women have grown something of a godly character in their mature years, they have so much to offer the younger family without being, in any way, patronising.

Let’s hear something from the pulpit about family life — not every illustration or application need be about children, but many couples are longing for help and getting little from teaching programmes. The Bible is full of family issues, but we often, sadly, choose to ignore them.

Child’s secular side

In one church in which I served, we opened up the parenting issue by putting on evenings related to issues and how they apply to child development. Issues relating to the so-called secular side of children’s lives like school curriculum and exposure to drug abuse were some of our first topics. It was when I asked parents what they would do at our next meeting that we realised that the most common request was for a session on discipline. I began to realise all was not well. This was two years after the first ‘issue’ evening and it had taken that time for parents to admit they were struggling. We did one meeting about the basic principles of discipline and found that parents appreciated the chance to meet in small groups. Some were genuinely surprised that many other parents were facing very similar issues. Let’s, maybe, call some of our parents to come to a small group meeting for four weeks (or at whatever interval your group finds easiest) arrange for some of the older women and men to baby sit and let these parents get together and talk and pray together.

End of their tether

The secular world is buzzing with parenting talk and we have in our Bible (e.g. Ephesians and Proverbs) a biblical model for how Christian parenting can be done. I have lost count of the parents I have met at events like Word Alive and Keswick who have reached the end of their tether and don’t know what to do next. What is worse is that they feel the church looks down their noses at them and they feel like total failures. We have got to stop this and make sure that parents in our churches are prepared for the different stages of the life of their child. Let’s try to help our parents through the difficult times of parenting as well as sharing the joys of their children with each other. This may be the job of the youth minister but won’t be if that worker is too young. This is a time to look out and beyond the youth leaders and look for people who can do effective training and be good listeners. Fire prevention is better than fire fighting.

Youth ministry is a partnership between parents and the youth team. We must work together if we are to see our young people grow in the faith. That will involve them having parents who seek to train their children in righteousness. Easier said than done — it can be hard work. But there is great joy too — let’s keep the balance.

Dave Fenton

© Evangelicals Now - March 2008
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