The picture frame of life's circumstances

We know the Lord allows circumstances in our lives that are the framework within which we must exist and give him the glory due to his name.

For most people, the framework is not too difficult to deal with as life has many blessings, but for others it is a painful cross to bear.

Joni Eareckson Tada saw her wheelchair as the picture frame in which she existed as a quadriplegic; though not close to a comparison, I see my Christian single parent status with responsibilities for five children, two professional jobs over six days a week and a home to run with limited back-up, as mine. Our sufferings are unique to each of us according to our personalities, characters and physical strength; it is the sense of living through something extremely painful with someone or something or an ideal dearly held that is lost, yet holding onto the Lord for daily strength, peace and joy through it all.

Broken marriage

My fiery trial began over nine years ago when my Christian marriage to my pastor husband was ended within a ‘heavy shepherding’ and ‘ultra-strict Reformed’ independent sectarian church group; he was brainwashed by the powerfully charismatic leader and remained, remarrying within the group. At that point, the picture frame of my life was changed in heart-break to an extremely painful one of ‘Divorced’ (as a Christian, an enigma!) and a Christian single parent; I was moved to the margin of Christian society by the self-righteousness and prejudice of many and felt a virtual outcast in the church, which is still not yet fully resolved and restored (Joel 2.25); I had to return to a career to support the family without a father to provide.

However, I have learned many valuable spiritual and maturing lessons along the way especially to truly trust and depend completely on the Lord alone in all things according to his promises; to know his comfort and strength daily in my exhaustion, stress, sadness and utter weakness.

Lonely and single

Five years ago, the children and I returned to the UK from South Africa for family support, to be in a safer environment and for the children’s education, albeit with only our suitcases! The loneliness at this time was very intense, to the point of being physically painful as well as heavily depressive; my parents were wonderfully supportive friends but I still keenly hurt at not having close Christian friends. Being in a very difficult, stressful NHS job as well as trying to raise the children on my own, I started to look into the Christian single groups that were advertised online. From this I realised that there was a huge unmet need for lonely and often hurting Christian single people, whether divorced, widowed, or never married, and the ‘Bedford and surrounding areas Christian singles group’ was born.

It has been overseen from a distance by a number of Reformed evangelical men, with voluntary committee members organising social events. The friendship and fellowship group, which is free of charge, has been going now for three years with over 100 members on the email list. Some folk have left as they found a spouse, and new ones have joined us. Please pray for us in this work for the Lord.

Proposal of marriage

Through this group, I met a relocated South African Christian man two years ago; he pursued me in love and won my heart. After a year of dating, it appeared that the Lord had answered our family’s prayers for a Christian husband and companion for me, a father-figure for the children, to have a needed larger home of our own, a possibility for working part-time so that I could concentrate more on the family and home, and to be a ‘whole family’ again involved in serving the Lord in the local church and Christian singles ministry. He proposed marriage and I accepted. I excitedly emailed friends to tell of the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living; waiting on the Lord, my dreams were being fulfilled (Psalm 27.13-14)! The wedding plans were made in a nearby village church; lots of local people, including non-Christians, were getting involved and were thrilled at the happy ending for us. I wanted the church service to be one of praise and thanks to the Lord as well as sharing the gospel.

It’s off

My parents were able to retire to Wales as I was now supported. The wedding attire was bought, the bridesmaids had their dresses, then he started to change his mind about his commitment. Initially, the wedding was postponed after a six-week period where he went backwards and forwards unable to make up his mind. However, despite just starting couple counselling to try to get to the bottom of the problem a few months later, he phoned me to say that he had decided to go in a different direction to me and that the relationship was completely over.

Anger

The Lord had given and taken away; it was my duty and privilege to praise the Lord in the shock and mystery of what had happened (Job 1.21). However, I went into a struggle and wrestled with God, even knowing that he allowed it for our good, yet asking ‘Why?’ and then ‘What for?’ through the tears, anguish and pain (Romans 8.28). My shock turned to anger and denial; grief gave way to resignation and ultimately submission, ‘seeing’ afresh that God was truly my Sovereign, Almighty, Holy, Just and Loving personal God before whom I repented (Job 42.1-6). Even though I had felt my helplessness and God seemed silent, I realised that I had no rights even when I wanted ‘to die’ because I felt as if I could not endure the painful circumstances any longer. I know now that Jesus was weeping for me in my pain even as Joseph, a type of Christ, turned aside and wept before he returned to serve his brothers (Genesis 43.30-32).

Father’s plan

Knowing my heavenly Father has a perfect plan for my life according to his will, in his way, and in his time, I could go on living with ‘trusting’ faith giving the desires of my heart to the Lord once again (Romans 4.18-21). This has allowed me to accept the picture frame of my life as it is right now. I know the Lord has a higher purpose in my situation, and could change my circumstances at any time. Joseph waited 22 years before he was vindicated and God’s plans for him were fulfilled. In praying, ‘Father, not my will, but yours be done’ (Luke 22.42), I am acknowledging that my life is not my own; it fits into God’s great story, for his glory.

The picture frame of life’s circumstances is just the rough wood; it frames the picture which is the part that is most precious and valuable. The picture frame itself is ultimately of no value and easily discarded; the picture within is what is treasured and will last. My challenge, as was Joni’s, is to embrace the picture frame that God has given me to exist within; to see it as a gift, a privilege and an honour; to give my suffering back to God to honour him. Each circumstance comes with positives and negatives; if I look with the eyes of faith I can see the positives in the difficulties. He gives me the picture frame best suited to sanctify me and prepare me for meeting him and entering my place in his glorious eternal kingdom. Even though he changed my easier smooth frame for a difficult rough one for now, it is not for me to complain but to give thanks and praise (1 Thessalonians 5.16-18).

Winepress for hurting souls

The picture frame only exists in the shadowlands, in this life, for the journey onwards and upwards; in eternity only the ‘picture’ of the soul will be present in true freedom. It is the Lord who gives and changes the frames of our lives. Sometimes, as for Joni and me, the frame appears to be changing for the better in our human eyes just for our hopes to be dashed and no change occurs. At this point, the soul-struggle within the rough frame is more chafing and potentially bitter than before. However, realising that the gift of suffering is the winepress that I must go through to be poured out for quenching the hurting souls of others and to give God the glory, he gives me the grace to come to inner peace and rest at his feet (2 Corinthians 1.3-5). And he enables me to go up ‘on the heights’ and enjoy Him (Habakkuk 3.19). This is the daily walk of faith (Romans 1.17), and a path along which I am learning, as a pilgrim, to go — the road less travelled.

Jaqui Wright

If you are interested in knowing more about the Bedford and Surrounding Areas Christian Singles group, please contact Jacqui Wright through the EN office.