Monthly arts and media column

I’ve often thought of reading women’s magazines as a bit of fun indulgence, something that would cheer me up in a doctor’s waiting room or calm me down on a long journey.

But I usually end up getting more frustration than pleasure out of them. It occurred to me that it would be fun to challenge Cosmopolitan to a contest with the Bible. Which is more of a joy and relief for the modern woman, in her busy, stressed, ageing world, to read today?

It’s a bit contrived, but I’ve taken the letters of ‘Cosmopolitan’ to think about the ideology behind the mags and compare it with the Christian mindset:

C is for Created. Cosmo tells us that however we got here, we should be prepared to spend big to keep the signs of age at bay. The adverts for moisturisers and surgery come complete with perfect images of luscious models. But even the models aren’t happy. Take Lily Allen who says; ‘I struggle with my body issues every day’. Don’t focus on the physical, says Genesis 1. God made male and female in his own image. That’s the only image that really matters because our earthly bodies will sicken and die. We can grow old gracefully understanding this, without trying to stay looking 21.

O is for Opinionated. Adam and Eve suffered from thinking that the knowledge of good and evil would be a pretty neat thing and we have chosen our own right and wrong ever since. If we are not thinking straight, the opinions of a celebrity, a journalist or an agony aunt can take the place of the Word of God in our decision-making. ‘Choose what makes you happy’, ‘have a more positive attitude’, ‘practise being nice to yourself on a daily basis’, all repeated endlessly throughout women’s reading matter, shouldn’t weigh in more heavily than the words of the Lord. Scripture points to the need for believers to ground their self-respect in God himself: ‘He is my fortress and my rock, I shall never be shaken.’

S is for Sinful. I got a flier through the door from an estate agent this week with the caption, ‘Lust: Sin doesn’t have to be sinful’. Perfumes and their adverts love playing with the idea of rebellion and seduction with names like ‘My Insolence: Dare to be Yourself’ and ‘Covet: I just had to have it’. Paul’s letter to the Romans paints things slightly differently: ‘all have turned away, they have together become worthless’. When we allow ourselves to dive in a godless direction and serve ourselves instead, the Bible considers sin as anything but trivial.

M is for Materialistic. Looking good means getting dates, being confident, getting good jobs, buying designer gear, being ahead of fashion, having what you want. ‘No one can serve two masters’, said Jesus. ‘You cannot serve both God and money’.

O is for Overdemanding. We want it all and we want it now. The pages that I flick through in Cosmo tell me that it’s all essential. Confidence and self-esteem, great body, fantastic lovelife, cool stuff. We think we deserve it. Jesus said in Matthew 6: ‘Do not worry saying…what shall we wear? For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well’. He probably doesn’t mean Gucci bags and Jimmy Choos but he needs me to trust that he has my survival in hand.

P is for Punishment. What price will we pay for all this self-serving indulgence? Health articles warn against STDs and breast cancer and agony columns try to protect readers from heartbreak. Stories of those who have lost legs, gone through chemo, had their lives shattered by break-ups, find their end in fulfilments and satisfactions of other kinds. Yet Jesus himself talks about an ultimate day when those who never knew him will be turned away from the gates of heaven.

O is for Out of Trouble. Every magazine sells when it offers quick fixes like ‘lose weight without dieting’, ’10 steps to a toned torso’. They all sound pathetic when measured against the best news in the world. Jesus’s offer of escape from guilt and condemnation blows other offers out of the water.

L is for Loved to Death. Almost every picture in the mag that I’m looking at has women desperate to be loved and adored. ‘His hugs made me feel like I’m home again’, writes one, ‘He always looked at me as if he’d never seen anyone more beautiful’, says another. Well, it’s happened. Someone has loved me enough to die for me. Jesus’s love sent him to the cross despite all I’ve done to put him there. He knows us better than anyone and he still did it.

I is for Immortal. That’s the real message of the creams and potions. Stay young and happy forever. But everyone dies. The Bible talks in Revelation of a life that really does go on and on eternally with a new body to match! ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’

I’ve run out of room, so suffice to say that T is for Treasured, A is for Adored and N is for … No Contest!

The gospel according to Cosmo

Eleanor Margesson