Monthly youth leaders column

Few would doubt the wisdom that parenting is a tough call in the 21st century. I hope parents still have some pleasant moments with their children, but the pressures are still very obvious. Even government seems to be taking the role of the parent seriously.

As youth ministers, what should our attitude be to the parents of the children we minister to? There is little doubt that the Bible sees the parent as the prime teacher of spiritual things to their own children. Parents are to train a child in the way she/he should go (Proverbs 22.4) if God’s word is to dwell in the hearts of our children and they are to be followers of Christ.

It is fairly obvious that, in church life, many parents struggle with this role. They have to support, encourage and discipline their children to be good students and achieve good grades; they want their children to be well rounded, so they encourage them in their sporting or creative activity. They feel they have to monitor the relationships their children get into and help them with a whole collection of decisions they have to make.

Taking responsibility

Small wonder that many church parents make the decision that spiritual growth is the church’s responsibility — after all, they’re juggling about ten balls already, so let’s assume the church will deal with all matters spiritual — isn’t that why we appointed a youth minister, to get our kids all sorted out with God? It’s very easy to be critical of parents (particularly if we don’t have our own children), and fail to realise that many parents find the role extremely exacting. Many parents will respond with ‘fine’ when they are asked how their parenting is going. In one church, it took me two years to get parents to admit that they were anything but fine — in fact, some were at breaking point and dared not admit they were struggling. After all, who, in our wonderfully perfect church, is going to ask a ‘failing’ parent to take on a new responsibility. What can we do about this?

Kidding each other

Firstly, accept that failure is not the way to define the problem. Unless you are the perfect parent, at least admit that bringing up a child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is extremely hard work. I don’t think biblical Christianity is about walking round with masks on. We are to be those who bear one another’s burdens and not use that burden as something to gossip about. I get so frustrated with post church service coffee sessions where everyone is trying to kid each other that all is well with the world. Perhaps we’ve missed the stuff in the sermon about living in a fallen world or perhaps we don’t teach that any more. That idea has infected parenting so let’s quit being unreal with each other. Maybe small groups can meet up to share the pressures being experienced by all. I well remember one group of parents and, after, an hour of posturing, they began to share reality with each other and the most common type of phrase was ‘that’s happened in our family too’.

Need for training

Many parents have never been trained in parenting skills. I was never trained in how to pray with my children or how to read the Bible with them. I was certainly never given any help about how to deal with their difficult and painful issues. That does not come naturally.

Having raised the issue, I will take a look at a few more practical solutions in next month’s EN.

Dave Fenton

© Evangelicals Now - December 2007
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