Something great for fathers to do

The last 20 years have seen a huge increase in the number of youth workers in British churches — yet at the same time the church is losing young people. Alan Bright wonders if the two are connected.

Ephesians 6.4 is a verse for youth workers. Except that it isn’t. It talks about bringing up children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. For an Old Testament version see Deuteronomy 6.4-9. And the people responsible for bringing up children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord are not youth workers: they are parents — and specifically fathers.

I understand that an aide of George Washington — a great American president — once asked him after church what he thought of the sermon. ‘Well’, he replied, ‘it was fine but the preacher gave us nothing great to do’. Perhaps one reason why we see few men, few fathers, in church and why children turn away from the Lord when they reach their teenage years is because we do not have a biblical view of pastoring young people. We give fathers nothing great to do.

The book of Proverbs says: ‘My son, keep your father’s commands and do not forsake your mother’s teaching…A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke… A fool spurns his father’s discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence… Listen to your father, who gave you life’.

Who is responsible?

But how do we do church now? Who is responsible for bringing up children in the training and instruction of the Lord? Imagine a Martian was to come to look at the church in the UK — perhaps he was also to read Evangelicals Now. Imagine this Martian was told that our holy book says that it is the responsibility of a certain group of people to bring up children in the training and instruction of the Lord. Whom would this Martian think this group of people was: Sunday School teachers, youth pastors, vicars, mothers, teachers, Christian rock bands, YFC, YWAM? Where do you think fathers would figure on the list?

God’s very last word to his people for 400 years before the appearance of John the Baptist was on just this subject. Malachi 4.6a says that there is a need for the hearts of fathers to be turned to-wards their children and for the hearts of children to be turned towards their fathers and that the second Elijah will do this. There appears to be something wrong when the hearts of fathers and children are not turned to each other — something so wrong that it figures in the ministry of the second Elijah. And yet too often our young people’s work turns the hearts of children to their youth workers — not their fathers.

Of course, a wise father will enlist the help of other people. As a father, I should be praying for my wife, our church leaders, our youth workers, Sunday school teachers and school teachers that they might assist me in this holy work of bringing up my children in the teaching and instruction of the Lord. I am pleased that my children have a number of godly people around them who can influence their lives. But that does not relieve me of the ultimate responsibility.

Fathers and children

How many fathers of teenagers study the Bible with them? Or, to start further back, how many churches encourage and equip fathers to study the Bible with their teenage children? At the younger level the church does quite well. There are resources aimed at bed-time Bible reading and tea-table family devotions — but what about fathers digging into the Bible with their older children and training them how to correctly handle the Word of God? Just about all the resources for that age group are aimed at youth workers and not fathers.

I would even suggest that there are lessons here for us in evangelism. So much evangelism is aimed at children and young people. But is that a Bible pattern: evangelising other people’s children? How about concentrating on men — on fathers? Of course it is a lot more ‘difficult’ but in terms of effective use of resources it might be the best way to reach whole families.

Bringing up children in the training and instruction of the Lord is not primarily the responsibility of youth workers, teachers, Sunday school leaders, mothers, vicars. God will hold fathers responsible. Are fathers taking this responsibility seriously? Does the church support fathers in this, structuring church life so that they can do it and equipping them for the task? We don’t want fathers to come to church and find they have been given nothing great to do.

Alan Bright is a member of a lunchtime congregation at St. Helen’s, Bishopsgate, London. He is the husband of one wife and they have six children.