God brought me back - The story of a contemporary prodigal daughter

Many Christian parents can feel guilty and grieve over children who have grown up and have left Christian faith behind. They pray, but it is very hard. EN has recently spoken with Carrie who, after over 20 years away, has recently come back to the Lord. Her story has both challenges and encouragements for Christian parents.

EN: Tell us about your childhood.

Carrie: I came from a Christian family. It was pretty strict and we never had much materially. Looking back I realise it must have been a tough time for my parents. But my childhood was not unhappy. From a Christian point of view there was never a choice. From day one it was, 'Right, this is how we live our lives. We go to church.' And that was it. There was a period when we attended a church that was very rigid and too legalistic. This did not help. I led too sheltered a life. I was not allowed to mix with non-Christians. I had no idea of what the big wide world was about.

EN: How did the break come about?

Carrie: Around the time I was baptised I had to go and live for a few months with my aunt and uncle who are not Christians. In that time I went to college. There I met many new people, and saw another side to life. I wanted to mix with my new non-Christian friends (boys as well as girls), go to discos and cinema etc with them and Mum and Dad did not approve and would try and stop me from meeting with them. There came a point where I could see two ways in front of me. There was the Christian way, which I saw as strict and legalistic and then there was the non-Christian way where I could live the way I chose. It was very black and white with no grey areas. I knew I could not do both. So I pulled the plug really on Christianity. It was a definite decision. I was not going to church. I was not going to pretend to live a Christian life.

EN: Were there any other contributing factors?

Carrie: Yes. I think Mum and Dad make more of this than I would, but there was an unfortunate incident involving me and someone in the church, which was handled badly and caused a lot of grief, particularly for Mum and Dad. Although it didn't help I was already on the 'slippery slope' and perhaps it was a situation the devil used and it gave me another excuse to leave the church.

EN: What was your spiritual state?

Carrie: I was away from God for 23 years. Was I a Christian all the time who had backslidden? Or was I never a Christian and now I have come to the Lord? The answer is that I don't honestly know. All I know is that when I was baptised at 16 I meant it.. But the way I feel now is so different, there's a part of me that thinks perhaps I was never a Christian. However, for 23 years I could never completely shake Jesus off. I lived as a non-Christian. I had various relationships. I did what I wanted to do. And there were certain times during that period when I was doing something and I would feel, 'What are you doing this for? You know it's not right'. There were times, I know now, when God saved me from dreadful things. And at the same time I know God was very kind and blessed me. For example, I eventually got married to a great husband and we have lovely children.

EN: What was your feeling towards your parents during this time?

Carrie: It was hard. From Mum's point of view it was like she had lost control. We went through a patch when it was extremely difficult to communicate. I think leaving home was the right thing, because I was not under her nose doing all the things, which she did not want me to do. So the relationship improved. Now I've got what I have to say is an enviable relationship with my Mum and Dad. They prayed for me. They were always there for me, even when I was doing things they didn't approve of and I am very grateful to them and the Lord for the love they have always shown to me.

EN: How did God bring you back to himself?

Carrie: This is the most amazing thing. There have been periods when I was totally at rock bottom and you might have thought, 'That's when it would have happened'. But it didn't. Recently we had a lot of difficulties with our business. Although we were overcoming them, I was feeling stressed and could not make decisions.

One particular night I had gone to bed early and my husband was up watching TV. But I could not sleep. I got up and went and sat outside on our front doorstep. And as I sat there I somehow heard God talking to me, telling me he was there for me and always had been. It was an amazing experience and difficult to describe. I sat there for about 40 minutes and God said, 'Go inside, find your Bible and read Psalm 25'. I thought, 'OK'. It was not easy to find my Bible, but I did. I read Psalm 25 and it was the most relevant piece of Scripture I could ever have been shown. If someone had asked me the day before what Psalm 25 was about, I honestly would not have had a clue. Over the years I always thought that somehow God would punish me and my family for having turned away from him. But a good Christian friend of mine had always told me that God was not like that. I read Psalm 25.6,7: 'Remember me, O LORD in your great mercy and love... Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways, according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD.' That was exactly how I was feeling at the time!

I read the whole Psalm and it spoke right to my heart and I went to bed feeling strange. But I had to be 100% sure that this was real. I had experienced "religious" feelings before in my youth. Was this going to be just another feeling that would pass? From then on I read my Bible every day. This was something more than a passing feeling, it was more like a deep confidence in God. I did not tell anyone to begin with because I did not want anyone telling me what to do. It was a relationship between me and God and I wanted to concentrate on this first of all. I wanted to get this right and then see what happened. The first person I told was my husband, who whilst he would say he is an atheist is happy for me to be a Christian and go to church ù with the children.

EN: Did you feel like the prodigal son?

Carrie: I didn't go looking for this. God came and found me! In that sense it was not like the story of the prodigal son. From my point of view he just came to me where I was. And I would want this to be a great encouragement to those who have children who are away from the Lord. Your loved ones don't necessarily have to reach rock bottom before they can be brought back to the Lord. Maybe it has to be like that with some people. But it was not like that for me. This was all about what God wanted and nothing to do with me or anyone else - it's wonderful! I am grateful to all those people who have prayed for me over the years and hope they will be encouraged by knowing their prayers were answered.

EN: What would you say of your parents?

Carrie: 'Thank you!' They have always been there. They have not tried to ram church down my throat. They have never pointed the finger, even when I was in trouble. They were not even critical when I married a non-Christian, though that must have been hard for them. They have supported me and never made life difficult for me. I am so grateful to them for that. And I would say to parents whose children are going astray that it is often better to back off and let them go through it. If you do that and love them and pray for them, they might eventually come out the other side on the right path.

It has not been easy for me. There was a period of about three weeks when I really felt as if God and the devil were fighting over my soul. I have to go softly and be careful not to antagonise my husband. So I continue to need prayers. The Holy Spirit can maintain the confidence I have in God. And I feel that the last 23 years have not been wasted. Somehow, in his time, God will use my experience to help others.

Mum and Dad's reaction?

When Carrie went away her parents were heartbroken. Mum felt like giving up as a Christian as it all seemed too hard. For some three months she endured total misery and was unable to read her Bible or pray. She felt as if her faith was being sorely tested but after a period of time she realised that God was there and he hadn't abandoned her. She began to read her Bible again and the Lord was gracious.

Dad went though a period of denial, unable to accept that there was a real problem, thinking it would be only a temporary aberration. As they looked back, Carrie's parents regretted some of restrictions they placed on the family as being unnecessarily narrow. Too late to change the past they did pray constantly that God would keep his hand upon their daughter and give her no real peace until she returned to him. There were times when they had doubts about her original salvation but they knew that others had come to faith through her witness. Carrie went through various relationships, some were seen as good men, others not so.

Softened

Carrie was always a loving and caring daughter. She had her own small business and when Dad was in financial difficulty, unable to obtain work, she employed him in her office and Mum to look after the children. 'As the years rolled by', said her parents, 'it seemed that God was softening her and she would talk of Christian things, sometimes even asking for prayer.'

Then it happened. The day they had prayed for came. 'One evening when we were staying over with Carrie,' said her Mum, 'just about bed time she said she had something to tell us - the Lord had brought her back to himself.' They were delighted. Dad says, 'One of the things that goes through my mind is the hymn chosen by all of our children at the time of their baptism, Great is thy faithfulness. He is in control. He does know the needs of our children. He does give "mornings of joy for evenings of tearfulness".' Mum says, 'Our prayer is for Carrie to be able to continue in her faith'.