Monthly column for youth leaders

'I'm bored, forbid me to do something' read the T-shirt on one lad. The music in the background screamed the same message: 'Here we are now, entertain us'. Wherever you encounter teenage boys this will be the message. Very few things cause them to unhook from the computer or the playstation and even fewer things elicit any positive response. Glaciers move faster in the mornings and there are laboratory chimpanzees with a wider vocabulary.

Perhaps this is being unfair to the adolescent male, if so let's view it as a worst-case scenario. Certainly, many youth leaders struggle with this age group more than any other. Last month we established that the Bible is still relevant for them and that constantly looking for opportunities to train and guide them biblically is a good strategy. Building on this is difficult. Perhaps it would be helpful to see it as missionary work. Rather than just landing by canoe in the middle of the unreached 'tribe' and starting to read the Bible very loud and slowly in English, a missionary might employ a slightly harder method for a better long-term gain.

Practical tips

One of the many things pop culture analysts will tell you is that we live in an age of new tribalism. For young people there is an incredible desire to 'belong', be it to a team, or a friendship group, or to be associated with a particular style or fashion. As 'missionaries' we need to know how to relate to these tribes, finding out more about their culture, without necessarily joining. Our effort in taking an interest will show that we are genuine. (See October 2002's EN article about engaging with the culture.)

Another area that a missionary will work very hard on is language. One particular car advert claims that the car will suit your need because it 'speaks your language'. So we need to speak our tribe's language. Again this doesn't mean lapsing into a vernacular or using spurious forms of slang whenever a teenager appears on the horizon. (Although it probably does mean not using words like 'spurious'.) The language of teenage boys is the language of the computer game, heavy metal band and television. Be aware of what phrases and words mean, but be careful about using them yourself.

From time to time the barriers of culture and language will come down. Even teenage boys are vulnerable occasionally (don't tell them that you know this!). At times like this we must not mistake which side we are on in the battle for the heart. We're with the lads, not against them. Teenage lads need to know that we're on their side. This does not mean siding with them over petty issues and undermining other areas of authority, such as parents or the church. It does mean showing them that we understand the pressures they face at school, home and in growing up. And it means showing them that the Bible is relevant, getting excited about what it has to say and always applying it to their situation.

A different bag of ideas

You could try some of these 'bridge-building' ideas. Shared experiences will lead to a better dynamic with the 'tribe'. Not everything will work in every situation. None of these are a substitute for the work with the Bible, that must still happen.

Try 'hanging out'. Hang out, watch a video, listen to music, play footy, provide somewhere to go from time to time (like a coffee bar). Hanging out builds bridges. But don't overdo this, teenagers need space and you need yours.

Try 'so naff, it's kinda cool'. This is very difficult to pull off, but there are some very odd things that teenage lads will make their own. This may be a board game from your childhood, or a practical project to work on. The key is doing something together and giving 'ownership' to the boys.

Try 'introducing them to your world'. What do you get up to on a Saturday afternoon? Come on, nobody is that uninteresting! If it's golf, take them to the driving range. If it's gardening, give them a spade. By introducing them to your world you become a real person.

Try 'providing transport' - going somewhere is doing something, so it's okay. Don't turn yourself into a taxi service, but do recognise that lots of good conversations can happen on the journey.

Try 'food'. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. A great way to identify with teenage lads is with food. This is not a new idea, but certainly a good (tasty!) one.

Try your imagination. This is not an exhaustive list, but you will only know if an idea works if you try it out. The best ideas are those that develop group identity and result in shared experiences. Remember that as youth leader, you're the missionary to the tribe, a privileged position not a burden.

Next month - less knuckles scraping the floor, and more make-up and fashion magazines. What's it like working 'with the lasses'?

Roger Fawcett

© Evangelicals Now - May 2003
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