Desperate!

Get this - the most important relationship you can ever make is with Jesus. Humans are made by God for a relationship with him. No other relationship can satisfy our need for God.

Read this

'Love... the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering she looks like a haddock.' John Barrymore

'Love is the feeling that you feel when you feel you're going to feel a feeling that you've never felt before.'

Love is not primarily about feelings, but rather a decision of the will that leads to action.

God's love

The Bible tells us that our love to others should be modelled on God's love to us. This is true both in the intimacy of marriage and in our friendship with others. Ephesians 5.21-25.

Christ's great example

Philippians 2.1-13.
Verses 1-5: Paul (the writer) urges Christians that if they have anything for which to thank Jesus (we have lots), they must have the same attitudes as Christ. Included in those attitudes is our attitude to love.
Verses 5-11: Christ's example of love is of humility, servanthood, obedience and action. Not self-importance, self-satisfaction or feelings.
Verses 12-13: These attitudes are important for our relationship with God. The most important relationship.

Some applications

If our relationship with God is the most important thing we must not let our relationships with other people detract from that. In fact, good relationships will positively encourage us to seek Christ first. This is why Christians cannot go out with non-Christians.

Practically - do not distract your girlfriend/boyfriend from hearing the Word of God at church, or YPF. Too much physical contact probably does this. It may distract others as well.

Do you encourage your boyfriend/girlfriend to keep following Jesus? Do you talk about spiritual things, do you read the Bible or pray together?

Purity

Read the maker's instructions:

Matthew 19.4-6. Jesus quotes the Old Testament to explain what God thinks about sex.
Verse 4: God invented us as sexual beings! He thinks sex is great! That's why we crave it so much: we were made to do it!
Verse 5: Proper place - in marriage (also look at Genesis 2.24), woman made from man for man. The order is leave, be united, then become one flesh. Sex is the body language of marriage.
Verses 5-6: Proper purpose - sex is not just there to satisfy your appetite. Sex is the glue of marriage. You can't break up a sexual relationship without it hurting lots.

Compare that with the world's view where sex has no specific place or purpose; it is an end in itself. The effects of ignoring the maker's instructions are all around us (STDs, unwanted/illegitimate babies, abortions, family breakdown, emotional scarring...).

What shapes our own view of sex?
What's the most important factor?

Why should we bother?

1 Corinthians 6.18-20.
Verse 18: Sexual sin is qualitatively different from other sins.
Verses 19-20: God is living in you! You are indebted to God because he bought you with the death of his Son.
But NB: sexual sins are not unforgivable (1 Corinthians 6.11).

'How far can we go then?'

The issue here is affection versus arousal. Expressing affection outside marriage is fine, but sexually arousing each other is not. How can you tell? What's your motive? Is it giving or taking self-satisfaction or really wanting the best for each other? Affection is generally gentle, kind, emotionally-based; arousal is generally more forceful, active, physically-based.

Sexual desires are part of our God-given personalities, but they're very powerful and hard to control, so, if in doubt, don't! Go for the level of affection of a sister/brother.

Singleness

The Bible puts people into two categories regarding relationships: married or single.

There is no in-between state, no boyfriend/girlfriend category. In God's eyes we are single or we are married.

Singleness is a gift from God. Use it as such. Do not be deceived by the world around you that says you need a physical relationship. Teenage years or 20s are not times for experimentation in order to find your partner for life.

They are years which offer a fantastic opportunity to make excellent and lasting friendships with many people. Opportunities which won't happen after that. Make the most of them for you and for God.

With Christians - encourage one another in following Jesus.

With non-Christians - tell them about Jesus.

As a single God wants us to be anxious about serving God first and foremost.

1 Corinthians 7.32-34.

In boyfriend and girlfriend relationships, have the same aims. How can you serve the Lord best? This is a good test for future marriage. Can I serve the Lord better married to this person or not?

Those not in a boyfriend/girlfriend situation, your first concern is not finding a girlfriend/boyfriend, but serving God. (You find the best girlfriends/boyfriends at the prayer meeting.)

Practically

Use the time when you meet as a group to encourage one another in following Jesus. Hebrews 10.23-25. Those of you going out should look to do the same thing, not just use it to spend time alone.

Summary

Be desperate to:

Pursue your relationship with God. This is the most important thing, do nothing to jeopardise it. It has eternal consequences.

Model love on Christ's love. Not on feelings or selfishness, but on servanthood for others and obedience to God.

Save sex for its proper place and purpose of marriage. Until you are married, view your boyfriend or girlfriend as someone else's future husband/wife, and treat them with the utmost gentleness, unselfish love and respect.

Use God's gift of singleness to make friendships that encourage others to follow Christ, and that encourage you to do the same.

Notes from a YPF talk on relationships for young people