Sorted for Es and wizz

Tom Seidler was arrested in the grounds of Eton College in November 1995 for drug possession. It brought to an end his drug-taking career which had started in the College three years earlier ...

TT: Where did you get involved in drugs?

TS: While I was at Eton. Mostly, people didn't take drugs during the week, but weekends were busy and half-terms were a frenzy. Out of 1,200 people at Eton when I was there, I guess that there were only about 20 people who were regular users. I think that's quite a small proportion. I started drinking when I was 16, and then was given some weed (marijuana) when I was 17.

In my time, someone would come round with a shopping list for half term and we just filled in our requests for a whole range of different drugs - cannabis, speed, LSD and Ecstasy were the main ones. People paid by cash in advance. Sometimes the total order was in excess of £500. People have a lot of money to spend at Eton. Drug supply is a market driven thing - it goes where the money is.

TT: Why did you get involved with drug taking?

TS: I was just curious. Hollywood (films) had made drug-taking seem appealing - linking them with money, popularity and a fun lifestyle. I started off with weed and moved on to taking LSD and speed (amphetamines). By the time I left Eton, I was smoking weed up to five times a day, and taking other drugs at weekends.

TT: You paid a price, what?

TS: I was arrested in November 1995 for possession and intent to supply soon after I left Eton and went to university. I was convicted for supplying marijuana 'non-commercially', i.e. giving it away. Had I been convicted as a commercial drug dealer, things would have gone much harder for me.

It's tempting to say that the price I paid for drug taking was the six-month prison sentence I got, and the criminal record I still have. But actually the real price was much bigger than that. By the time I was arrested for possession I had no real friends at all. But it all happens so slowly that you don't realise it's happening to you. People looking on made comments, but I had lost the ability to see that I was slowly losing control.

And, in my case, it's actually worse than that. When I stopped using so many drugs I realised I had done some lasting damage to my brain. I couldn't handle the thought of living the rest of my life like this. I think I was close to insanity, and had it carried on, I'm pretty convinced I would have dropped over the edge. I've seen it happen to other people involved in the scene, and it's tragic.

TT: Do you regret getting caught?

TS: At the time it was the worst thing that happened to me. Now I'm happy that I was caught. The police helped me to get off drugs - they were actually really helpful. When I went to court I volunteered to have a drugs test to make a better plea for clemency with positive evidence that I'd given up drugs.

In between being arrested and the court case, I became a Christian. This has been a big factor in my staying off drugs. Part of the problem was that I had available money and thought that drugs would meet my aims in life - to have fun.

I now realise that God used this whole situation to bring me to realise where I stood before him. I realised that, actually, the biggest problem in my life was not my drugs habit, or being caught, or the time in prison I was likely to serve, but that I had lived my entire life rejecting God. The drugs were a minor issue in the light of this.

My parents and family were pretty horrified by the whole experience, but were actually brilliant in the way they handled it. I was a broken person, and in my distress I cried out to God. My parents took me to their church - a Grace Baptist church in Streatham, south-west London - where I discovered that I could find forgiveness in Christ, so I committed my life to him in the summer of '96. I am still far from perfect and the effects of my drug taking will, I think, be with me for the rest of my life.

TT: What was your experience of jail?

TS: I only served three months of the sentence in Onley Young Offenders Institute. This was a much better experience than I thought it would be. When I was on drugs, I hadn't laughed for two whole years - but I laughed again for the first time. There were lots of other people in the same situation as me, and I actually quite enjoyed spending time with them. I realised I wasn't alone in the mess I'd made of my life.

I had an OK run of it because they put me on D wing, which was a protection wing, where they segregate guys like me from the hard nuts. My time in prison made me realise that I had messed up what most of the crew there never had a chance to mess up. Most of them were just born into a hard life.

The tragedy for many of them is that prison does not equip them to live a drugs-free life once they have left. They go back to the same problems and pressures, and don't have the inner resources to say 'No'. For me, becoming a Christian, and having different values, and a loving community of Christian friends meant it was easier for me when I left.

TT: What advice would you give to those now involved in drugs at Eton or anywhere else?

TS: I wish I could say 'just give up drugs and everything will be alright'. But it wouldn't. You might not go mad as I nearly did. You might not do yourself any permanent damage, as I have. You probably won't die early. But one way or another we all reap what we sow. I'm lucky that I was arrested, and made to face up to my deeper needs. Where might I be now? Either in hell, or a lunatic asylum. I can only thank the God who made me that I am not in either.

Tom Seidler has worked for a year as an apprentice with Kingston Schools Work Trust, and will join St. Matthias Press in the autumn.

Tim Thornborough talks to a drug addict who found Christ

TT: You paid a price, what?

TT: Do you regret getting caught?

TT: What was your experience of jail?

Tim Thornborough

Main Articles

Other articles