Juggling work, family and church

'I'd really like to help out, but I'm under pressure at work.'

How many pastors have heard these words from godly church members in response to a request to consider helping with the children's work or standing for the office of deacon?

And often, the most tangible fruit of the conversation is guilt. The pastor feels guilty for asking, although he knows that the church has great need of more manpower. And the member feels guilty for saying 'no', because he feels he should be able to find time (and energy and enthusiasm) to do more in the church, and, for that matter, more with his wife and children.
In the churches we serve in Guildford and Dewsbury, many of the men appear to face unreasonable demands at work. This is not unique to those who work for an employer, as those who are self-employed are often running hard simply to stand still. Those pressures in the workplace tend to have a knock-on effect on the quality of life at home and in the church. People feel frustrated with the superficiality of their relationships and with the sheer busy-ness and pressure of life. Incidentally, no group is more pressurised than working mums.
The fruits of excessive demands in the workplace are there for all to see. Some in our fellowships have suffered stress, requiring medication and time off work - and often family life suffers. Tiredness and preoccupation with work tarnish the marriage relationship, and children become frustrated and bitter about how little they see their father. Church commitments which began with joy become a burden (as did Martha's service to her Lord). Sometimes, friction occurs with 'full-time' workers who don't understand the problems of the work-home-church balancing act. And times of personal devotion become hurried (or even non-existent) and often barren and unsatisfying.
Is there nothing that can be done? Many people do not have the luxury of considering a change of job, and anyway, the ethos of unreasonable demands in the workplace is so widespread as to be almost inevitable.
While the Bible doesn't offer a once for all cure for the problems of excessive demands and pressures at work, it does give us great wisdom for better management of the stress points in our lives.

THREE things to avoid

Obsession with work

Many conscientious Christians are in danger of making absolute Paul's encouragements to work wholeheartedly, however unreasonable our employers. (Colossians 3.22-25). Paul is not telling us that it is sinful not to do every job as well as we possibly could. He is exhorting us to work as well as we can in the circumstances. In the same chapter, Paul tells us that men are to love their wives (v.19), not exasperate their children (v.21), be devoted to prayer (4.2) and be a meaningful part of the local church (v.12-16). It is surely not being faithful to Scripture when we understand any of these commands in a way that makes it impossible to obey the others. To become a perfectionist at work to the detriment of home and church is not the path of godliness.

Worldly ambition

This is an area in which we need to play close attention to our real motives. It is easy to assume that promotion at work would be a good testimony to our godly standards and commendable diligence. Perhaps it would honour the Lord and bring further influence. Yet in reality, Christians may seek promotion for increased wealth, prestige and self-esteem, even though it will lead to further difficulty in maintaining a real family life and input in the church, and perhaps decreased opportunity for witness at work. The Scriptural warnings against the love of money (Timothy 6.9f) and reputation (Luke 6.26) are stern indeed.
On a more fundamental level, we are not thinking biblically when our basic sense of self-worth comes from our status or performance at work. The great glory of the Christian is the simple but sublime fact that he or she is a redeemed, accepted and greatly loved child of the living God (Romans 5.1-5) and a servant and friend of the Saviour who is so easy to please (Luke 22.28).

Feeling trapped

There is much that can be done without needing to change your job. Many people's lives are more difficult by their being disorganised and haphazard. Many people are tired because they stay up late in front of the television. Others do not take Sunday seriously as a day of rest, as well as service to the Lord, and suffer as a consequence. Sadly, many of us try to fill our lives with selfish interests, forgetting that self-denial lies at the heart not only of true discipleship but true joy in life. Others are frustrated because they have allowed their lives to be dominated by unimportant tasks that others would willingly and profitably do instead of them. Most people would benefit therefore, from reviewing their lives and priorities, perhaps in co-operation with their spouse or a friend. Why not do that yourself? Set out where you think your priorities should be for work, family and church. Then compare them with the life you actually live. The you can pray and talk through ways that you need to change so that your life begins to reflect your real goals.
And remember all the time that while God does not expect the impossible, he does give grace to enable you to achieve much without ending up an exhausted wreck.

ONE VITAL PRIORITY

There is no formula which, if applied, would mean that the balance of priorities would always remain right. It will always be a constant battle to find and maintain a godly equilibrium. However, Scripture makes it abundantly clear that there is one absolutely vital priority that, if maintained, will be the greatest possible help to living a balanced, satisfying and God-pleasing life. That is keeping your eyes on the Lord and developing your relationship with him. It is surely very significant that Paul sees the secret of godly living in the workplace as a profound sense of working for the Lord, who sees all and will reward us accordingly (Colossians 3.22-25).
To a woman who was stressed by over-elaborate service to him, Jesus said that taking advantage of the opportunity to spend time with him was the 'one thing needful' and 'the better' choice (Luke 10.42). He wants us to put being with him and eagerly listening to his Word above all else: even above serving him! In our weariness and sense of being burdened down with life, he calls us to come to him and find rest (Matthew 11.28). That rest is sustained and renewed by continually coming back to him. His was an amazingly busy life of conflicting demands, between which he also had to choose (Mark 1.32-39). He understands our dilemmas and our difficulties with balancing priorities. He promises us wisdom to decide priorities and apply them in real situations (James 1.5). His wisdom is delightful (James 3.17). If you are becoming frustrated with your responsibilities and beginning to impersonate a headless chicken, find time to tell the Lord about it all and ask for his help. He gives grace to the humble!
Yet it seems so difficult to find time for the Lord and time to share our frustrations with him. Beware! It is the devil who would keep you from your Lord. Daniel shows us that even in the most pressured of lives, it is possible to spend regular times in real worship and prayer with the living God (Daniel 6.10) without neglecting duties of work or home (v.3-4).
It is by consciously setting your mind on the things above (Colossians 3.1-2) and guarding times with the Lord that a full and busy life can be lived that honours the Lord and delightfully fulfils our obligations at work, home and church.

Remember the cross

Sadly, however, we are often conscious of falling between three stalls and fulfilling none of our God-given responsibilities well. Worst of all, the sense of guilt that follows usually saps our energies so that we achieve less and less in our three fields of service. That is the time for remembering the cross. God loves us and accepts us in his Son and not because we reach his standards. Nothing can stop him from being utterly committed to us. And he is delighted with our efforts to live for him even when we come short in the details.

Graham Heaps and JEB

Facts and figures

According to a recent BBC Panorama programme, in Britain people work longer hours than anywhere else in Europe. Six million people in Britain work more than 48 hours a week. The fastest growing group of long-hours workers is women, with an increase of two-thirds in the last 15 years.
Overwork can lead to health problems including high blood pressure, sleeplessness and heart attacks. Recent research seems to show that if people persistently work for more than 48 hours a week, say over a period of five to six years, their health will be permanently damaged. Even if such people reduce the number of hours worked, they never fully recover. Two-thirds of people working more than 48 hours a week report that most days they do not speak to their children and have difficulty managing them.
The government is bringing in the Working Time Directive which is meant to give employees the right to refuse to work for more than 48 hours a week without being penalised. It remains to be seen if this will change things.