Rock star dreams?

John Moody, an elder at Trinity Church Islington, London, reflects on his past experiences as lead guitarist and songwriter in the music business.

At 9 o’clock, one hot summer night, on the NME Stage at the Reading Festival, I stood, Fender Telecaster in hand, with my valve amp cranked up loud, and thrashed out the opening riff of my band’s current single.

The crowd started leaping around and singing along in response. They all knew the song — it had recently been on the playlists of XFM and Radio 1, and been Single of the Week in Melody Maker. I recall thinking to myself at the time, ‘Am I dreaming?’ No, this was real alright. And it was something that I had been working towards for a long time — like many, I had a rock star dream. Mine was of a distinctly indie flavour, although they come in many forms. But, looking back now, as a Christian who returned fully to Christ after my period in the music business, I can see what that rock star dream delivered, and, more to the point, what it didn’t deliver.

Scott 4

I was in a band called Scott 4 that started in 1995. All three members of the band were very independently minded artists. We were avid record collectors and gig-goers who had met while we were all at London University. We were keen for all aspects of the band’s work to be very high quality, both on record and live. Our sound at first was a form of very minimal lo-fi folk or country. But it quickly spread out to draw on elements of punk rock, soul and electronic music, among other things.

Our first demo tapes caught the attention of a hip jazz label, Soul Jazz Records, who put a selection of them out in 1997 as a mini-album, entitled Elektro Akoustic Und Volksmechanik. That record was very well reviewed in the NME and elsewhere in the music press and from then on things really took off — radio play and promotional opportunities started to pile up. Our debut album, Recorded in State LP, came out not long after that in spring 1998 and was also very well received.

Touring and major label

We had also become a potent live act and, after touring the UK and Europe, we signed to a major label — V2 Records and Publishing. This meant that we could all turn professional. We built a studio with the proceeds of the major deal and then spent six months in there making the second album, a double, entitled Works Project LP.

We then toured the UK and Europe again, playing at numerous European festivals including Glastonbury, Reading (as mentioned in the introduction) and T in The Park. By the end of 1999 we had sold about 40,000 albums worldwide.

Leaving the band

It all sounds very dream-like doesn’t it? And from a distance it was. Yet, it was at that point that I left the band, having no more heart for it whatsoever. How could that happen when I was finally living my dream?

There are two angles from which to examine why. Firstly, it’s worth noting some of the prevailing negative facts or elements that can go with success in the music business. It’s usually only the more truthful music biographies that deal with them. After all, no one wants to hear a rock star moaning, so the bad things and bad times don’t usually make it into media interviews for fear of bad PR. Accordingly, you don’t get to hear that one or more of the following, which may or may not have happened to our band, can be present or occur (and sometimes on an ongoing basis): fraudulent accountants, dishonest record company staff, less than reliable managers, egotistical label managers, crippling and seemingly irresolvable tensions within the band, alcoholic or drug dependent road crews and/or band members, and the general tedium of touring (once the novelty has worn off), to name but a few. Those elements don’t tend to get mentioned. What does get mentioned is the joy and excitement of the live shows and creating something good in the studio. And those areas I did find truly joyous, but the more the band went on, the more it had come to represent far too small a fraction of the overall time spent on the job.

God and idols

The second and more important angle that I now see is the spiritual one. God clearly showed me through my time in the band that if I put my heart into something other than him, it will not, and cannot, fully satisfy. And that dissatisfaction will be amplified if you put that thing other than him first in your life and work very hard at it (as we did with Scott 4). That other thing then, in effect, becomes the thing that you worship — an idol. Idols, by definition, are not God, and so cannot bestow unimaginable blessings upon us the way that God has done through Jesus. Further, unlike God, idols lie to us in that they promise much and deliver a good deal less. That puts them in sharp contrast to the God of the Bible, who, when he makes a promise, keeps it.

Paul puts the contrast so starkly in Philippians 3.8 as he reflects on his fall from pharisaic superstardom and all the privileges and respect that went with it: ‘I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ’.

It is also worth noting at this point the advice of the Teacher in Ecclesiastes when he concludes his treatise on wisdom. Having considered all the things that can be gained in this world — riches, pleasures of all kinds, achievements of all kinds — he states that they are all ‘Meaningless! Meaningless!’ His advice instead is to: ‘Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man’.

Paul and the Teacher are urging us to put God first and not a rock star dream or any equivalent ambition. And this is just what God taught me through my experiences.

At the centre

To be clear, I am not saying that a career in music is an inherently unholy thing. If God should lead you towards one in the course of you keeping him first in your life as a servant of Christ, then that may well be his path for you. However, we know that, as Proverbs 16.9 tells us: ‘In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps’.

As such, just make sure that you trust God to make those steps and don’t over-commit to your plan, your dream, your vision, to the exclusion of God and what he wants you to be for him, which he will show you if you let him.

His plan for me since leaving the band has been a joyous return to him (I had been a Christian as a child, but wandered away from the Lord in my teens), marriage, children, Bible-teaching, church-planting and preaching. And, yes, there’s even been a bit of music too, but this time, with him at the centre.

Scott 4

Touring and major label

Leaving the band

God and idols

At the centre

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