Growing a caring church

Wendy Billington co-ordinates the pastoral care programme at St. Nicholas Church, Sevenoaks. Having just written a book entitled Growing A Caring Church, she spoke to EN.
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EN: Tell us a little about yourself and why you are a Christian?

WB: God was scarcely on our family agenda. He became for me a Creator God but I found life a mystery and I did often wonder why on earth I was here. The Girl Guide promise to ‘do my duty to God’ felt rather meaningless for me.

It was at the age of 17 on an autumnal evening round a Guide campfire that I was introduced to a God who had become flesh and dwelt among us. If this were true, then I felt I had no option but to accept new life in him. Discovering Jesus was life-transforming. It gave me a sense of self-worth and a newfound freedom as I came into a loving relationship with him and other Christians.

I have had two careers. I taught for over 25 years, and then, after my husband left me, I ran my own independent travel agency. When I sold the business, I was able to devote more time to my pastoral work within my church and local community.

Sadly, God was put on hold during my teaching years abroad when I succumbed to a more worldly way of life. Then, at a relatively young age, I experienced a personal tragedy: a major bereavement. Although devastated, I faced this stoically, but three years later, fell into depression and breakdown.

Later a relatively aggressive cancer proved to be another turning point in my life — one in which I became aware, in a very poignant way, of the fragility of life. It prompted me to return like the prodigal to a personal relationship with God, receiving from him his free forgiveness, acceptance and love. I now have a relationship with a loving and forgiving God, who shares my times of pain and suffering; a God whom I can totally trust and who is my hope for eternity.

EN: We tend to be individualistic as Westerners. What is the best way to encourage us to be more relational as Christians?

WB: We need to realise that Christianity is relational because we have a relational God — Father, Son and Holy Spirit — and he is our model. We, as born again Christians, have been adopted into his family and our fellow believers are our adopted brothers and sisters. Jesus commanded us to love them. This is not negotiable. We have no option other than to encourage loving relationships with other Christians. Irrespective of our background, personality and age, we are all one family equally valued and precious to God. Within this family we are to build relationships which will include those to whom we are not necessarily attracted. No member of the church should feel isolated.

We need to encourage everyone to build bridges of friendship. This can start simply by chatting in a meaningful way to the person sitting beside us in church. Then we might want to offer hospitality, which is a great way to get to know people, either informally within our homes or having meals together in the church, perhaps preceding an event such as a Christian basics course or a prayer gathering. In our church we find that our monthly Saturday breakfast around small tables provides an opportunity to get to know one another better.

Then there is the part that can be played by small groups in encouraging in-depth friendships. Especially where members have poor models of family, the small group can create an atmosphere of warmth and acceptance, within which a real sense of belonging can be encouraged and developed, alongside opportunities to learn together.

Other ways of encouraging a relational culture could include support groups such as those for the bereaved, the redundant, the struggling parent, the retired or the single parent.

EN: Is there a danger that, in focusing on caring for ourselves, a church might become inward looking?

WB: Yes, there is a danger of a church becoming too inward looking, but only if we forget Jesus’s love for the whole world and our responsibility to follow his example and obey him. Within our churches there may well be particularly needy individuals who tend to be inward looking. But our helping of them should include encouraging them to think of other people’s needs as well as their own.

Our care should be inclusive of our family, our church family, our neighbours, the people in our workplace, our local community, our country and our whole world. We need to be visionary in our approach as we seek actively to care for others beyond our own church doors.

EN: In your book you promote home groups as a key to caring. How should they be structured for optimal effectiveness?

WB: Churches vary in the way their home groups are structured. Some are defined by geographical location which is convenient but can have disadvantages.

Ideally, home groups should meet three or four times a month for nine or ten months of the year. Also, they should have a mix of the young, the not-so-young and the elderly; they could, in addition, have links with people who can’t attend for whatever reason, but who would benefit from such involvement. For example, the housebound could be visited and kept in touch with church news and events. Again, those unable to attend evening meetings could be invited to a home group lunch or some other daytime event. One way of helping parents to come would be to have meetings in their homes; and teenagers and young singles could be included in social events. Daytime groups are the answer for some but are unlikely to have the same mix of people and life experiences as evening home groups.

Limiting a group to eight to 12 active members enables everyone to share and participate. Thus the group can provide a small loving family within which each member can feel a sense of belonging and all can be nurtured and built up.

A large church may decide to change membership of the groups every three or four years so as to enable everyone to get to know more people within the church.. Some people find these changes to be beneficial or even a relief, whereas others find them to be quite painful. In decision-making these responses need to be taken into account.

EN: Give us a thumbnail sketch of what a caring church ought to look like.

WB: There are two levels of care: basic care, an every-member involvement, and special care which is tailored to the size and particular needs of the church. These might include groups for the retired, parenting sessions, post natal support, marriage enrichment courses, etc. All is grounded in biblical teaching. Here is my thumbnail sketch:

SUNDAY SERVICES

* Everyone is greeted and welcomed as they enter the church. There is help with seating. There is also a welcome desk with helpful information about the church.
* After the service, Jane and Sue, still in their pews, are discussing the sermon and David and John are praying together.
* In the prayer chapel Joan is praying with a church leader.
* A pastor shakes hands and chats as people leave.
* Refreshments are served in the hall and those with welcome badges are ushering people in that direction, including Janet who is on her own.
* George, wearing a hospitality badge, is inviting a newcomer to join a family for Sunday lunch.
* Home group leaders are noticing their members.
* Three people who had requested intercessory prayer are seen talking to the pastoral worker.

BASIC CARE

* Sick/hospital/bereavement/housebound visiting teams are in action.
* All are encouraged to be linked to a home group whether or not they can regularly attend.
* A fellowship fund is available — i.e. money donated for people in special need.
* Trained pastoral care leader or team available to give support to those experiencing particular problems.

HOME GROUPS

* All are encouraged to be linked to a home group whether or not they can regularly attend.
* There is regular hospitality including social events.
* Home group leaders have overseers for encouragement, help and support.

Growing A Caring Church by Wendy Billington is published by Bible Reading Fellowship at £6.99 (ISBN 978-1-84101-799-0).

An interview