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Love & War

Finding the marriage you've dreamed of

Cosmic marriage

LOVE & WAR
Finding the marriage you’ve dreamed of
By John & Stasi Eldredge
Hodder & Stoughton. 212 pages. £11.99
ISBN 978-0-340-99550-1

The authors say that all storytelling down the ages — myth, saga, fairy tales, films, etc. — are trying to tell us the ‘very thing the Bible tries to tell us. Conflict in marriage is ultimately part of the larger spiritual battle between good and evil, ‘love and war’. This is the book’s frame of reference and comes from their shared mission to teach ‘the centrality of [man’s] heart to the gospel’ and to bring it ‘in a fresh way’.

There is much to commend in this book and a wealth of good advice from their counselling experience. I welcomed their stress on the cosmic aspect of marriage, particularly in the area of conflict — your enemy is not your spouse! We need to be told that our mission is ultimately Genesis 1.28, a shared adventure. Particularly helpful is the chapter on ‘the greatest gift you can give’ your spouse — a real relationship with Jesus Christ — and that only he can meet our deepest needs.

The Eldredges are extremely open in sharing their lives in a readable way, though for British readers (and this American) it can seem flowery, embarrassing or irrelevant. For illustrations they refer often to films — what if we haven’t seen the film? They have received much help from professional counselling themselves and recommend it, but this is not universally available to us all. Some terms used are confusing or misleading, particularly in connection with the gospel. ‘Mythic’ is a favourite word. ‘According to Scripture, marriage is the mythic play of the love of God for his people.’ ‘If you would see things clearly you must see with the eyes of the heart… we must listen again to the gospel and the fairy tales based upon it.’

I thought that the relationship between marriage and the Church should be developed more fully to show marriage as a reflection of Christ’s Body and the Body’s help in upholding and strengthening marriage. Texts on marriage, such as Ephesians 5, are barely mentioned. John and Stasi are strong on help in prayer but we should be encouraged more often to get into God’s Word as a major means of having that ‘real relationship with Jesus Christ’.

I do recommend this book — but read with discernment.

Nancy Olsen,
who, with husband Doug, leads marriage preparation at St. Helen’s, Bishopsgate, London