Waiting without knowing

It is now four years since three Americans working with New Tribes Mission were kidnapped in Panama by Colombian revolutionaries.
In the village of Pucuro, Panama, just 15 miles from the border with Colombia, phase one of chronological Bible teaching was completed. The entire village had been given the opportunity to hear the gospel in their own language. The New Tribes missionaries, Dave Mankins, Mark Rich and Rick Tenenoff were now discipling Kuna believers.
But suddenly on January 31 1993, armed guerrillas came into the village and held Dave, Mark and Rick at gunpoint while their wives were allowed to hastily pack a few belongings, including Bibles, for their husbands. In just a matter of a few terrifying moments the armed attackers disappeared into the jungle taking the three missionary men with them. The wives, unharmed, were left with the stunning reality that their husbands had been kidnapped.
The wives and children are now back in the US. Though reports at the beginning of 1997 thankfully indicated that their three husbands, taken by the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (FARC) guerrillas, are still alive, yet the agony of waiting without knowing continues for their families.
Here we print extracts from a recent interview with one of the wives, Tania Rich. She and her husband, with their girls, Tamra and Jessica, had been in Panama just over a year when the kidnapping took place.

Q: What were your thoughts and emotions in the first weeks after Mark and the others were captured?

TR: The hardest thing about those first days was the hoping and then the disappointment, day after day after day after day. The only other hostage situation I was familiar with took place in the 1980s, and the missionaries had been held for a month and then released. So, at first, I was sure they would be released after a month.
When the first month went by and there was no news, it was just like a bubble burst. I felt like: 'Oh, I can't handle this!' I realised I was setting up expectations every day, thinking 'Maybe today . . . Lord, if you would just have him released today'. It's emotionally exhausting to set up your hopes on a daily basis like that. God's will is not always what we pray for. We also need to pray for patience in waiting.
Now, every morning when I wake up, I pray: 'Lord, you're just going to have to show me what I'm going to do today.' It's not that I've given up hoping, but I'm not marking the time day by day anymore because so many days have passed.

Hardest aspect

Q: What is the hardest aspect of this period of waiting?

TR: The hardest thing about this is not knowing - the waiting without knowing. I've told people: 'I could wait forever if I only knew Mark was going to come back alive: that he was going to be fine. It's like a sore that you won't let heal. I can't let it heal because there's still that tiny bit of hope, so I can't say, 'Well, this is over'. It wouldn't be easy if I found out that he'd been killed, but I'd be able to start dealing with it. But right now, I can't get over it, because he might still come back. I try to concentrate on trusting the Lord, regardless of the outcome.

Q: If that's been the hardest aspect of waiting, what would you say is the most surprising aspect?

TR: I think the most surprising aspect is the range of emotions I've felt. Before this happened, I was pretty 'laid back'. In the three years since Mark was captured, I've felt things I never knew I could feel. I've even felt anger toward people who have no control over the situation at all. I have learned that anger is normal in working through situations we have no control over. I guess that even though this is not a death, we are going through some of the grieving process. And some days it just feels so hopeless. I feel like, 'There's no end, this is just going to go on like this forever. I'm never going to know.' Then I just go down, down, down.

Coping emotionally

Q: How do you keep from becoming bitter?

TR: Well, the first days were really hard because bitterness just makes everything sour. But I've learned that when I've been questioning God, my focus is wrong - it's all on myself.
It really comes down to our choices. Mark (while he is in captivity) can't choose what he'll do daily. But Mark and I can always choose our attitudes, and nobody can take that right away from us.
I know Mark has been praying for me and the girls. Everyone's prayers are what keep me going.

Q: It must be difficult not to 'take out' your emotions on your children - all mums experience some of that. Have you found a way to minimise the effect on your family?

TR: There's no magic key, but the thing that helps me the most is spending time, every single day, in the Word. Not just reading it for ten minutes, but keeping it in my mind so I can be focused on that instead of on all the frustrations and the hard times.
Another thing I've struggled with is not making excuses for my kids because of our circumstances. When they've misbehaved, people have told me: 'Oh, that's OK, this is a hard time for them.' But it's been a hard time for three years and these years are the best training time for them.

Q: What about the girls? How have they dealt with waiting for news about Daddy?

TR: Well, sometimes, they come up with some real whoppers of questions! I have been encouraged not to act surprised or make them feel guilty for anything they ask. The more open I can be, the more free they'll be to talk.
Tamra's had times when she's had a lot of nightmares. One day she said: 'You know what I've been dreaming about? I've been dreaming that Daddy's never going to come back.' I wanted to say: 'No, no, no.' But I was able to say: 'You know, Tamra, I've felt the same thing. I've wondered if he's ever going to come back. It's okay. It's okay to feel that way and wonder that. But we know that Jesus knows where he is, and he knows when he's going to come back, or if he's going to go and be with him sooner than us.'

Q: We've all heard that 'keeping busy' is critical in a situation like this. How do you keep yourself occupied?

TR: I've struggled with that. On the mission field, I was a mum, a wife, learning a language, and I was taking care of my family in a situation with no running water or electricity. I had to do so much planning ahead - it was a big struggle.
Then, suddenly, I was back in the States. Here, you can just run to the store anytime you need anything. But I began realising it's okay, that God has me here to be a mum, and that one of the most important things I can do is to devote myself to my kids.

Q: What does the future hold for you and the girls?

TR: Well, Nancy Mankins (one of the other wives) and I have continued to have a burden for the Kuna people. Through a lot of prayer and confirmations from many people including our field leadership, we've decided to move back to Panama. We're planning to live in a town rather than out in the tribe. I will continue to learn the Kuna language, and Nancy will be discipling a teenage helper from the tribe and working on Scripture translation. (Patti Tenenoff has school-age children and will continue to reside in the States.)

Q: As you wait - and plan - do you rely on a favourite Scripture verse?

TR: Oh, there are so many from which we draw encouragement and strength. My main verse lately has been 2 Corinthians 12.9: 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power might rest on me.' We do feel so weak, but we're just trying to do what God wants us to do. God will give us the strength.

An interview with the wife of one of three missionaries kidnapped in Panama (reprinted from Just Between Us)

Hardest aspect

Coping emotionally

Q: How do you keep from becoming bitter?

Deborah Listo

Reprinted, with permission, from Just Between Us.

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