No Mercy?

God has been at work in our prisons in recent years with many inmates coming to Christ. Here is one man's story.

The tall gates of Bristol prison swung open revealing the outside world. It was not for my release, but to transfer to another prison. It is still a mystery how I got on the transfer to Erlestoke prison, because it has a low security rating.
I looked back at the prison one last time and saw the towering, castle-like walls receding in the distance. We headed for the motorway. This meant that we would go through my home town which was strange, because the transport never took that route. Going back home started to stir memories.
I began to recall why I was a prisoner.

'Psycho'

From an early age I dreamed of being a gangster and when I was 16 I mixed with some while I was on the run from the police in Liverpool. Their image was magnetic, full of power and strength and I was totally captivated. The impression stayed and developed while I was later in a detention centre.
After my release my reputation grew rapidly as I went from one violent crime to another. I was nicknamed 'Psycho' and soon became the most feared person in my town. This status became an obsession as the attention and power it gave me was like a drug. I formed a gang and turned my attention to drugs and extortion. The police were just another opponent and being arrested was part of the game. Many times I was in custody over stabbings and street violence. But through fear, no one would give evidence against me. I began to believe I was untouchable. I was not a big time gangster but I felt like one.

Glover

My reign of terror went unopposed until one man I will call 'Glover' got in my way. Finally he went too far when he betrayed us to the police and I lost my girlfriend and my daughter. When everything had calmed down, I held a mock trial for Glover in my council flat, where he was found guilty in his absence and sentenced to death.
During the next month we made two attempts to execute him, but both times he got away. The second time he was hurt and the police took him into protective custody. Shortly after, we were arrested for attempted murder and eventually sent to prison. While I was there I offered a contract on his life, but later changed my mind feeling that I needed to kill him myself. I prepared a perfect plan to rid myself of Glover forever.
I was shaken out of these memories by a fellow inmate as he drew attention to our location. We were arriving at my home town, and I began to look out of the window hoping to see people I knew. To my horror the only person I recognised was Glover!
Suddenly I felt as if I was a volcano about to erupt as the hatred for him raged within me. Every muscle tightened as I clenched my fists and thought of them around his throat. I found myself unable to calm down. By the time we reached Erlestoke I was ready to attack anyone.
Over the next two months I deteriorated mentally as my obsession with killing Glover took over my life. I was desperate to get out and take revenge, even if it meant I was caught. The hatred was like poison to my system and yet it was giving me strength.

Depressed

With less than a month remaining until my release I received a letter from my daughter's mother. She was getting married to a soldier and they were being posted abroad before my release. They were taking my daughter with them and as I wasn't named on the birth certificate I had no rights. She was going to put her husband's name as the father and totally erase me from my daughter's life.
I sat down on the cell floor and took out the photo of my daughter I kept in my pocket. 'Why do these things always happen to me ?' I said, getting depressed. From the day I was born everything had gone wrong. I was an unwanted child who was shown no love, only cruelty. For 13 years I soaked up the various forms of abuse from adults. Then I ran away to search for freedom and happiness, but all I found was more pain. My daughter was the one and only person who meant anything to me!
I came to the conclusion that suicide was the only way to stop the pain. But then I got a mental picture of Glover laughing. I realised that if I killed myself he would have won. In four weeks I would be released. I promised myself that I'd kill Glover, then I would die.

Jesus loves you

But then, with just three weeks to go, I was visited by the prison chaplain. He was a small grey-haired man in his early 50s. After asking how I was he started talking about God and Jesus. I told him he was wasting his time. I didn't believe there was a God. 'If there is,' I said, 'he wouldn't want anything to do with me. I've tried to murder people and I've sold drugs to children.'
'Jesus loves you, and he died for your sins,' said the chaplain. Before leaving, he wrote something in the back of a Bible and left it on the table for me. I was curious. Later that night, after wondering what he had written, my curiosity got the better of me, so I had a look. It was a prayer to invite Jesus Christ to take my old life by putting it to death on the cross, to ask him to forgive all my sins, become my Lord and Saviour and to fill me with his Holy Spirit.

Talking to the ceiling

It was very nice, but I wasn't sure what it meant. I knew what it was to be a sinful person, but I'd never experienced forgiveness. I looked up to where I thought God might be, but all I could see was the grey concrete ceiling of my cell. 'Look here God,' I said threateningly, 'I don't believe you exist, but if you do, clear off. You can't stop me from killing that creep Glover. I'm Brian Russ, nobody can stop me.'
Even though I didn't believe anyone was listening, I carried on talking to the ceiling. After a while my attitude began to change and I asked Jesus if he could stop my roller-coaster ride to death. The powerful force driving me was too strong for me to resist, but if Jesus was what the chaplain said he was, then he could.
I got on my knees and prayed for the first time in my life. I tried desperately to make contact but the concrete was winning. The trouble was I didn't believe, so I prayed the prayer from the back of the Bible and asked Jesus to help me believe.

Sudden peace

I began to get depressed. Nothing had happened. I still felt the weight of death and pain upon me. I got up, sat on my bed and smoked a cigarette, and tried to tell myself it didn't matter.
Still desperate for release, I cried out to Jesus once more. I begged him to take my old life away with its evil heart and to give me a new one. Quite suddenly all the pain left my body as I became completely relaxed and peaceful. Then I had a strange experience of light reaching out to me like a hand. It appeared to take out my poisonous heart. I felt as if I was about to die. Then the light returned and placed something inside me which renewed my strength. For the first time in my life I felt special and loved. I now knew that Jesus Christ was for real.

New man

'Come on, wakey, wakey,' went the shout of the screw as he opened my cell door next day. 'Good morning,' I said cheerfully. 'I'm sorry, did I hear you right ?' he asked in amazement. He was startled by my comment because previously my attitude was always hostile 'You sure did mate,' I replied, as I walked up to the toilets to slop out. Instead of the usual heaviness in my step, I now felt like I was walking on air. On my return from the toilets, I saw the screw coming out of my cell. He seemed confused and troubled and looked me up and down. When I asked him what was wrong, he grunted something about my appearance being different.
For the rest of my time in prison I told people about Jesus and was happy to pray for anyone.
After my release things were tough. I struggled but all the time God was looking after me. He brought me through my drug addiction. He used me as an instrument to heal the sick and care for the needy. Finally I married a Christian woman and after three years of not being able to see my daughter, God gave her into my hands and now I have custody of her. I can honestly say that Jesus Christ was the only person who was able to make a difference in my life.

Brian Russ can be contacted to speak at meetings through the address below. His book No Mercy? is now available through most bookshops priced £3.50 or by mail order from P. O. Box 568, Devizes, Wiltshire SN10 1QL .

Testimony of a former prisoner who found Christ while in prison - extract from the book No Mercy?