Lovewise

‘Be safe with a condom’ has been the predominant message in sex education in this country for 20 years. More recently a further message has been added, ‘If you make a mistake, use the morning-after pill as a fall-back’. After such a long time two things are clear. The approach has been a failure and they are the wrong messages. And it has failed because they are the wrong messages!

Our young people know more about the condom and have easier access to it than ever before. Yet all time high rates of sexually transmitted diseases and teenage pregnancies out of wedlock prove that more of the same message will make things worse not better.

Why is this? There are technical reasons why the condom will never be the secure barrier that they pretend. For example, many infecting organisms are found outside the area covered by the condom. Then there are common sense reasons why young people use them inconsistently — early sexual intimacy is often unexpected or pressurised. But, most importantly, this message takes away the perceived (and it is only perceived) consequences of extra-marital sex, and so encourages young people to experiment with early out-of-marriage sexual intimacy. There is now more sexual activity with more partners leading to more single parenthood, more unwanted pregnancies, more abortions, more sexually transmitted diseases and more emotional hurt.

Wrong messages

They are also the wrong messages. Those in authority over our young people — teachers, doctors and school nurses — are ‘aiding and abetting’ young people to have sex outside marriage when God clearly commands them not to. The morning-after pill often works by causing an early abortion, in defiance of God’s command not to end innocent life.

We should not then be so surprised that this teaching has been such a failure. God is not to be mocked. When we conspire against him by trying to protect people from the consequences of disobedience, he will foil our plans.

This is not just the world’s problem. These damaging messages are being served up to the children of Christian families all over the country. If you are a parent of a child in a secular or church senior school it is likely that this is what your child is being taught. A show of hands at a recent meeting of the new intake of Christian pre-clinical medical students confirmed this to be the predominant teaching in their schools. Judging by their response to my talk on the anti-biblical approach of promoting safe sex, many of them, sadly, also believe this approach will work, even if they are personally committed to chastity.

Why Lovewise was set up

Three years ago a group of concerned Christian doctors, ministers and parents got together in Newcastle to consider how they might counter this damaging teaching. We all recognised that young people were not hearing about the nature of marriage and the clear biblical injunction to keep sex for that committed relationship. We were also im-pressed at just how effective abstinence-only teaching has been in the US, despite the bad press it receives here. In sharp contrast to the UK, teenage virginity rates are up, and pregnancy and abortion rates are down.

Spurred on by the great need and huge potential, a paediatric colleague and I joined forces with a local secondary school head to form a new charity called Lovewise. Our aim is to provide teaching on marriage, sex and relationships from a Christian perspective. We developed talks using PowerPoint and video clips which allow standard presentations to be given by relatively inexperienced speakers. We formed a team of ten local volunteer presenters.

Reaction to presentations

It has been encouraging to receive invitations from over 30 local schools, most often giving presentations at Years 8-11 to RE or the PHSE (Personal, Health and Social Education) classes. Many secular schools invite us because they recognise the disastrous moral vacuum in which their pupils are living. It may surprise readers to discover that the current Government guidance on sex and relationship education recommends that pupils ‘learn about the nature of marriage and its importance for family life and the bringing up of children’ and to ‘develop positive values and a moral framework that will guide their decisions, judgement and behaviour’. This is exactly what we teach!

We live in extraordinary times in our nation’s history when the teaching of wholesome things, especially with a moral dimension, can easily offend peoples’ sensibilities. Marriage is just such a subject. On one occasion we were interrupted by the class teacher who then gave his personal testimony about the joys of pre-marital sex. At other schools the door has firmly closed after our visit because we have offended a teacher or the parents of a pupil. But generally we have had a warm and appreciative response from pupils and staff.

More openings

Encouraged by the openings around Tyneside, other teams have sprung up around the country in Loughborough, south east London and Sheffield. We are looking for those willing to set up teams in other areas. Schools in Britain have never been more open for outside groups to give presentations and teachers are often struggling to find suitable speakers for the PHSE part of the syllabus. How important it is that Christians take this opportunity on such an important issue.

Themes and responses

Here is a summary of some of the material that we include in our talks and observations on the responses of our pupils:

* Encouraging pupils to aspire to marriage and parenthood

Interestingly, despite the poor press that marriage gets, in every class we visited last year over 70% of pupils hoped to marry. They usually lack the information needed about what they are aspiring to. We use a clip of a wedding ceremony to explain the nature of marriage. While we try to be sensitive to the varied family background of pupils, we do not want the mistakes of a previous generation to be foisted on the next. We explain the superior nature of marriage compared to living together in terms of duration, fidelity and benefit for children. Rather than the safe(r) sex perspective of pregnancy avoidance, we talk of the great privilege of raising new life and the shared joy of parenthood in marriage.

* Upholding God-given boundaries for sex

Few of those we teach have ever been encouraged to consider the possibility of keeping sex for marriage. It runs hard against the tide of all their magazines, TV programmes and often other home and school teaching. We remind them what their consciences already know — that God commands them to keep sex for marriage. We help them to realise that there are some very sensible reasons for sticking to our Maker’s instructions! Without the test of the marriage commitment, girls are especially vulnerable to the impulsive and lustful advances of guys. We remind them that an extra-marital teenage sexual relationship only lasts an average of three weeks. Some seem relieved to hear that they are not being ‘cold’ or awkward if they long for and insist upon life-long commitment before giving themselves physically.

* Considering the consequences of sex outside marriage

We show them a photo of a pregnant woman and a man with AIDS to remind them that the choices that they make in relationships can have life and death consequences. The condom will not protect them from many of these. It won’t protect their broken hearts. Nor will it provide a sure protection from infections or unintended pregnancy. They are surprised to hear of reliable studies, which show the very poor protection from infections for mechanical (3% breakage rate) and biological reasons (some viruses like warts and herpes are found outside the area of the condom). We also tell them about the long-term consequences of sexually transmitted infections. How many realise that that the genital warts virus causes 98% of cervical cancer, 50% of vulval cancer and 25% of oral cancer?

* Holding out God’s offer of forgiveness and a fresh start

How hopeless it would be if we simply held up God’s commands without his gracious response to our disobedience. Though we only rarely receive an obvious response to our simple explanation of the cross, we know that many need to hear of God’s grace as they wrestle with guilt, pain and low self-esteem from past mistakes. We encourage those who have made mistakes to ask God’s forgiveness and make a new start.

* Offering advice on how to ‘go out’ in a God-honouring way

We give them help on how to avoid sexual intimacy while going out. They need to think ahead, decide upon rules and then be self-controlled in sticking to them. We talk about the differing provocations to temptation for the girls and guys. Girls often, and in vain, hope to catch their man by physical inducements — willing to trade intimacy for anticipated security. They are tempted to allure with their looks and dress, and then become disappointed when they attract men with the most shallow interest in them as a person. Guys are often already disinhibited by the messages around of consequenceless, recreational sex and are vulnerable to the dangers of internet pornography which can be piped into their bedrooms without their parents’ knowledge.

For younger children

Realising the increasing pressure for younger and younger condom promotion, and greater expectations from school inspectors for ‘relationships teaching’ we have also prepared a course of six lessons for pupils in Years 5 to 7 called ‘Growing Up — Growing Wise’ which covers aspects of puberty, falling in love, sexual intimacy, pregnancy and marriage. We want to encourage not only teachers, but also parents to use this material in primary and middle schools. This is available to purchase from our office.

What you can do to help

* Consider joining one of our presenting teams that are forming around the country.
* Lobby your school or youth group to use our material (except for ‘Growing Up Ð Growing Wise’, which is for sale, our presentations are freely available to teachers and youth group leaders sympathetic to our ethos). In some areas it may be possible for one of our teams to visit to give a presentation — further details on our website.
* Join our mailing list to keep informed of our work and provide prayer or financial support through our website.

Chris Richards

For further information: Lovewise, 25 Brandling Place South, Jesmond, Newcastle upon Tyne NE2 4RU (0191 281 3636, info@lovewise.org.uk), or visit our website http://www.lovewise.org.uk.

A Christian initiative in sex education