How to find God?

Montaz Ali has just become pastor at Trinty Baptist Church, Tenterden, in Kent. Here he tells us how, from a Muslim background, he found Christ.

I was born in 1973 into a Muslim home in a farming village in Sylhet, Bangladesh. We lived on a compound with my grandparents, uncles and their families (in Bangladeshi culture sons continue to live with their parents post-marriage). Since my uncles lived next door to us we thought of them as second parents and our cousins as siblings.

Going to the mosque for prayer was a regular and normal thing for me. As a Muslim I was taught to pray five times a day. Friday prayers were particularly important and the mosque would be at its most full. After school we used to have an Islamic teacher come to our home to teach us the Qur’an. We learned to recite it in Arabic although we didn’t understand the language. The teacher would explain what it meant, which was enough for us. I accepted what I was taught and never questioned the existence of Allah. Although the Qur’an speaks of Jesus, his virgin birth and the miracles he did, I was never taught that. Since I accepted the teaching of the Qur’an, that there is only one god, Allah, and that Muhammad is his prophet, that made me a Muslim. The hope of every Muslim is that at the end of life, Allah will weigh up the good that they’ve done against the bad and on that ground accept them into paradise.

Coming to Britain

My father, the eldest son in the family, was sent to the UK to earn a living for the extended family, so we were with mum for most of the time. I was around six years old when my father managed to obtain visas for us to come and live with him. London airport was an exciting, but cold, place for a Bengali boy with only shorts and a shirt. When we got to our new home (Wednesbury in the West Midlands), all I can remember is that it was cold and dull. I sat in front of the fire for hours, a practice I still love to do. In 1981 my mother died. As my father was unable to take care of us, the Social Services took us under their wings.

Children’s home

At first, we were put into a children’s home in West Bromwich while they looked for a permanent home. Life in the home was very difficult. The other children, most of whom were problematic children sent to the home because their parents couldn’t cope, made our lives very hard. Another difficulty was the sudden change in diet; we weren’t used to English food. Even the English food, however, was scarce and so we were often hungry. I remember, on one occasion while playing outside, a few of us spotted a scattered loaf of bread in the road and so we picked up the slices and ate them. Our carer didn’t seem to take much interest in any of the children and so we were often left by ourselves. We’d go out a lot. Sometimes we’d go apple scrumping, other times we’d go around the local town (Stone Cross) to pick up cigarette stubs from the pavement and smoke them — pretty disgusting! A part-time carer named Christine was nice to me, which made my stay at the home a little easier. She even invited me to her home for a meal on one occasion.

Catholic home

After some months, my youngest brother and sister moved in with English foster parents in Great Barr and then a little while later my other brother and I were found a home near West Bromwich. We were moved a few times until the age of 11 when a permanent home in Friar Park, Wednesbury, was found for us. Our foster-father was an Irish Catholic and mother was English.

Although it was a Catholic home we never went to church but our mother encouraged me to continue to pray. It seemed natural for me to pray every day and as I was now confronted with a god besides Allah, I prayed to him too. In fact, as I was unsure who the real god was and, because I thought that they might all be god, I used to pray to Allah, God, Jesus and Mary. I’d pray at night while in bed. My prayers were general; I’d ask God to help suffering people, to keep my family safe (I was always concerned that something might happen to them), and to bless me.

Jesus of Nazareth

I used to watch a lot of television, especially during the holidays. During Easter I really enjoyed watching the Jesus of Nazareth film that used to come on over a few weeks leading up to Easter day. I could never work out why Jesus couldn’t save himself when he did so much for others. I used to watch it, trying to urge Jesus to do some miracle and escape from the Jews and Romans, but to no avail. When I was around 13 years old, I was given a Gideon New Testament at school, which I cherished. I often used to sit on the sofa of our front room reading it, but it didn’t make any sense to me. I just couldn’t understand it, but persisted in reading it anyway.

Sense of guilt

One thing that kept bothering me, in spite of my ritualistic praying, was the sense of guilt before God. I knew, or at least felt, that God was unhappy with me. There were things in my life that weren’t right; things I was doing seemed to distance God from me. I became increasingly aware of my failure to live in a god-pleasing way and the barrier it erected between us. It seemed clear to me that when I did certain things that I felt were wrong, I’d have a bad day — I’d miss the bus or some other mishap would occur. On one occasion I was so concerned about grieving God that I went into the bathroom, filled a beaker with water and baptised myself in the sink (I’d seen it done on television) believing that I’d get forgiveness and peace, but nothing happened.

Talking with a friend

I lived opposite a boy called Martin, who became my best friend (now Pastor of Whiteshill Evangelical Church, Bristol). We used to talk regularly about God; we both believed in him but weren’t sure how to find him. When I was nearly 16 years old, Martin came to me on a Monday morning and told me about his amazing experience at an Elim Church in West Bromwich — it was incredible. He said that he’d been invited to the church by the Commanding Officer of the Air Cadets (we both used to attend the Air Training Corps but I’d given up by this time).

During the service he was really challenged about his failure to live the way God required and felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. He said it made him really emotional. After the service the minister gave an invitation to speak with him in his office about becoming a Christian. Martin went straightaway, but after being asked to pray a prayer for forgiveness and surrender his life to the Lordship of Jesus he just wasn’t able to do it. Something inside him wouldn’t let the reins to his life go. Although he was really grieved about his sins, he wanted to be the master of his life and destiny.

Surrender to Christ

‘Wow’, I thought! ‘I’m going to go to the next service and become a Christian’, I said. I don’t know why, but that’s what I wanted to do. ‘This is going to be the thing that will make the difference in my life; this is what I am looking for’, I felt.

The next meeting was the Tuesday night prayer meeting. Martin, a few other cadets and I turned up. I remember the minister standing outside to shake my hand; he seemed like a nice fellow. As they were expecting the cadets, instead of a prayer meeting they showed the Jesus film. I’d spent years watching Jesus films and so I just sat through it waiting for the end, waiting to be invited to become a Christian. I knew exactly what I wanted and was just waiting for the opportunity.

‘What if the minister doesn’t invite us to become a Christian?’ I began to fear. As soon as the video had finished, however, he gave the invitation to speak with him in the office. ‘Great’, I thought. I was straight there. He explained the gospel to me and led me through a prayer of repentance and at the end said that I’d begun my Christian journey.

This is how I became a Christian; it began in July 1989 as I was nearing the age of 16. I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I found peace, a sense of forgiveness, the love of God in Christ and through the church family, the hope of heaven, and straightaway a new goal and passion in life — to become a preacher of the gospel.

Montaz Ali's testimony