Baby talk

The idea was not original to us. The material was not original to us. But we had non-Christian families saying they might be willing to come to a parenting course, so it seemed good to us to try one.

So, fresh from our experience, here are some suggestions on the things to think through for a parenting course in your own context.

Purpose

Work out whether the course is going to be primarily aimed at bringing non-Christians in and establishing links, or to equip church members to be better parents. The two are not mutually exclusive, but the content of what is said, and the assumptions that you can make are, of course, very different.

Ours was primarily evangelistic. We had connections with a good number of non-church families through two mums and toddler groups and over conversations the church mums had ‘tested the water’ for whether a course on parenting would be welcomed. Those initial soundings proved positive, which gave us the basis to start. In the end, we had about 60 on each evening, roughly a 60/40 split between church/guest.

Content

Once the purpose is clear you can better decide what kind of material you want to cover. We reckoned that for an outsider-friendly course we would not have Bibles on the table and not get into detailed discussions concerning the exegesis of Proverbs 22.15, etc., however much some in the church family would have enjoyed and benefited from doing that. We wanted to teach the principles that Scripture teaches, be unashamed about saying where those come from and that we reckon they provide the best framework for raising children, but at the same time we would not expect everyone coming to agree with them.

Looking around for suitable material, and not at this stage having time to write our own, we found that Ann Benton’s little book Aren’t they lovely when they’re asleep (Christian Focus) fitted the bill really well. Ann actually came and did the talks herself for us, which was brilliant for credibility with outsiders. However, Ann’s material in the book provides an excellent base to work with if you are not able to have her come and do it!

Atmosphere

We do not have a church building, so that was not an option for us as a venue. We were also unable to hold the course in the primary school where we meet because of a clash of dates. This would have been ideal in many ways as it is a venue that the parents are used to and where to be discussing parenting seems entirely appropriate. However, in most school halls you need to work very hard to create the kind of atmosphere that is going to encourage couples to come together for an enjoyable evening out as opposed to having a ‘mum going to parents evening’ mindset. We ended up in the function room of a local sports club which, with a bar downstairs, was a great ‘neutral’ venue.

We decided against trying to provide a full meal, because of time pressures for London commuters. However, we did provide good quality homemade cakes and coffee (filter), with candles on tables with decoration and dimmed lighting, music playing as people arrived and seating around tables of eight. Small details, but important for setting a tone of informal discussion and debate as opposed to a lecture from the front. All the administration of the evenings was taken on by a couple of the church mums from the mums and toddlers group. This was brilliant both because it meant that details such as flowers on the tables were thought about and there was a great sense of ownership. The guests who came were mainly encouraged by those two families.

Format

We went for a series of three Friday evenings, starting at 8.15 pm and finishing at 9.45 pm. Each session started off with a short video-clip to introduce the topic in a light-hearted manner, followed by a question to discuss in groups around the tables. This got conversation flowing from the start. Ann then spoke on the topic for 20 minutes before posing another question for discussion over a 25-minute coffee break — the break might seem long to those used to a church meeting but that provided a great way to actually get to know the friends who came along and be able to introduce them to others.

Ann then spoke for a further 35 minutes leaving a few minutes at the end for notices and an invitation to people to stay around and chat. We did not have question time until the final week — with hindsight we should have had more question time each week.

Because it was a guest event we did not pray at the beginning or end, but did have a short plug at the end of each evening about events coming up in the church. One or two came to some of these, which was a great encouragement.

Advertising

We invested money in getting good quality invitations and posters produced which included the tagline, ‘Practical steps for parenting based on traditional Christian principles’. As well as church members taking a bunch of invitations, we distributed them through our two mums and toddlers groups, two after-school Bible clubs and a ‘book-bag drop’ at Dundonald primary school. We also placed posters around the local park, especially near the toddler-friendly playground which is adjacent to the school. Such posters helped to create a background climate of awareness which, when followed up with a personal invitation from a church parent, reduced the suspicion of the unknown.

In notices during church meetings we were specific that, although the course would be helpful for all parents, it was specifically aimed at bringing guests to, to set the correct expectations of the kind of discussion we would be able to have.

Men

Our experience of ‘family’ events in the past is that it is difficult to hook in the men: mum comes with the kids and dad has an afternoon off. Three factors helped us get a good number of dads.

First, was the many hours prayerfully invested by church families in getting to know the families of mums and toddlers contacts over meals, etc., so that when church dads said they were planning to come, other dads were more willing too.

Second, to encourage couples to come we got an informal list of people within the church family who would be willing to babysit for free. A note of caution though: this could not be advertised as ‘the church will provide a babysitter for you’ as we would then have to provide only people who have been through the appropriate CRB checks. Instead, the church family were invited to say to friends that free babysitting was available through Christian friends they knew.

Third, having a bar available helped!

It was hard work, but we will run a parenting course again, using Ann’s material as a basis again, and pray that the contacts established will in time bear fruit.

Paul Dawson,
associate pastor, Dundonald Church, Wimbledon, London

How to run a parenting course from your church