Evangelicals Now
Christian news worldwide
magnifying glass Search archives
home Home check the archives Archives Subscribe Subscriptions Advertising Information & booking of classifieds Adverts Find a local evangelical Church Find a church for the search engines and extremely curious! About us Contact us Site Map
Printable
Version

The 21 things I hate most about church

There are lots of things I hate about church.

This is a selection of what I hate most — the real top 20:

1 When the person up front starts with ‘Good morning!’ and/or a joke.
2 When the minister/pastor/leader thanks us for coming.
3 When he or she congratulates us for coming — because it’s raining or cold, or hot, or there’s something big on TV.
4 Or when he blames us for being so few.
5 Or for coming to church for all the wrong reasons.
6 Or for not coming often enough.
7 Or for not being there last Tuesday.
8 Or when he says it doesn’t matter to God or the devil whether we come or not.
9 When most people sit as far back as they can.
10 When a Bible reading, hymn or prayer is followed by a joke.
11 When everyone claps after the group sings or the children recite.
12 When the preacher thinks we’ve all been watching East Enders.
13 Or when he assumes that everyone knows, or does, anything else that I don’t. I find this positively eschatological.
14 When the sermon is mostly about the preacher’s family, or himself.
15 When the notices take more time than the sermon.
16 When we sing nothing written after 1900.
17 When we sing nothing written before 1980.
18 When we sing ‘Happy Birthday to you’ — except if the person concerned is 100 or older, when it’s OK.
19 When on your first visit they ask for your name, address, phone number, email address, passport number and mother’s maiden name.
20 When on your first, second and third visits no one talks to you at all.
21 When afterwards there aren’t enough chocolate biscuits to go round.

In fact, it’s a good job all these things are so trivial compared with the wonder and joy of being with Christian brothers and sisters, hearing the Word of God and the gospel of Christ, enjoying the presence of Christ by his Holy Spirit and being able to pray, listen, sing and give thanks together. Because if it wasn’t for this second and shorter list, I’d pack the whole thing in.

Phil Pugh lives in the UK. Perhaps it isn’t quite like this in other countries.