Alien at home 3

EN recently conducted a survey on having non-Christian parents. Unsurprisingly, it revealed that any Christian, given the choice, would plump for having godly, Bible-believing parents over worldly, non-Christian ones, who are often the source of much sadness, pain and frustration. Nevertheless, our God is no man's debtor and graciously uses this situation for the good of his children.

We close our series on this topic with a look at what the Christian in this position has to thank God for - what truths God teaches through it and what training it gives.

Common grace

Having unbelieving parents is one way God teaches the truth of common grace. Although this world is under the curse of sin, God has graciously allowed much good to remain. In the beauty of his creation, in life events and in relationships we see evidence of God's goodness and mercy - the common grace he allows each of us to enjoy.

So, when it comes to unbelieving parents, Christians can thank God that this doesn't mean everything about their home experience is bad. Just because their parents are not Christians does not mean they will be hopeless at raising their children - in the vast majority of cases they will give them a happy, stable upbringing with valuable lessons for their life ahead. They may even model, albeit unwittingly, characteristics which reflect God's character, such as faithfulness, honesty or love. All of this reminds the Christian of the wonderful truth of the goodness of God, his generosity and kindness.

'Positively, my parents were very loving and brought me up to feel extremely secure in their love and I was always able to turn to them for help. This is a helpful attitude to me now as a Christian as I turn to God as my heavenly Father.'

'My parents have shown me something of the importance of a stable family ... they have stuck by each other and their children through thick and thin - which surely conveys something of how God, in Christ, loves his rebellious children.'

Elective grace

Last month we thought about the painful question of whether unbelieving parents will ever come to know Jesus. The reverse version of this for those in Christian families is whether they themselves believe just because they have been brought up that way. They might fear that they have merely inherited the faith of their parents and that without them they would not be interested in Christian things.

This is an issue that Christians from an unbelieving background never have to face. They are never in danger of thinking that it is through family influence that they are Christians! As a result, it can be easier for them to see that it is through grace alone that they now know and worship God. Only because he chose them in Christ before the foundation of the world do they now love and serve him.

'Having non-Christian parents has helped me see that God is sovereign in my salvation - in terms of my church and family background, I should not be a Christian.'

While it would be foolish to argue that having unbelieving parents is something to be coveted, it is wonderful if something that is inherently difficult can have the by-product of teaching people more about grace. God's elective grace is something that is vital for Christians to grasp - both in their relationship with God and as they seek to live godly lives. We see this in Ephesians where Paul takes three whole chapters to deal with the subject. He only turns to talk about lifestyle issues once he is sure he has shown that it is this awe-inspiring, mind-blowing grace that is the foundation and motivation for any change in us. If having unbelieving parents means the Christian is better able to focus on and rejoice in this grace as they struggle with the problems in their situations, that is indeed something to thank God for.

God's sovereignty

Life can sometimes be painful and difficult to fathom. We can be left asking the question: why has God allowed this to happen to me? It's a question the Christian with unbelieving parents may ask often, especially if things at home are tough. However, the Bible insists that hard situations like this are not opportunities for doubting God and his goodness. Rather, they are a chance to be reminded of God's everlasting power and sovereignty - in all circumstances.

James 1.2: 'Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.'

This verse tells us that one of God's purposes in hard times is the strengthening of our faith in him. When things are tough and we keep believing that he is sovereign, our faith 'produces steadfastness' - that is, it is developed and deepened. For the Christian whose parents don't believe, this is comforting. Their situation is not meaningless and without purpose. Rather, God has planned that they should live at this moment in history with the family he has given to them: 1 Corinthians 7.17- 24 encourages them to see it like this and so accept it. Our God is always in full control and has good reasons for their having these particular parents, one of which is to teach and train them to keep trusting in him as the powerful, sovereign God, even when it's hard.

Motivation and training

If we have the privilege of Christian parents and are blessed with a good church family, it is possible to become cut off from the hard realities of life. We can block out the fact that we live in a world where most people are headed for hell and where we, as God's people, need to stand for him and hold out the word of life. For the Christian from an unbelieving home, however, this fact is less easy to ignore. Their very own family is headed for destruction and they can see evidence of it every time they have a conversation that touches on the gospel. While this is a hard and painful thing, it teaches the Christian in this position three things which all add up to putting godly living and evangelism on the agenda.

Relating to non-Christians

The Christian from an unbelieving home is saved from living life in a 'Christian ghetto'. They are constantly made aware of what non-Christians think, what behaviour is considered acceptable, what sorts of views are held. They are trained in listening and relating to the unbeliever, being comfortable around them and learning to relate in a way that is natural and yet thought-provoking.

'I am able to verbalise my reasons for faith because I became a Christian as an adult ... and am more able to empathise with non-Christians, which is useful for evangelism.'

Rightful judgement and hell

All too easily we can be fooled by the 'niceness' of our unbelieving friends and colleagues. They don't seem to hate God - they are so kind and loving, so tolerant and open-minded. However, having parents who aren't Christians means you get a chance to see behind this pleasant facade. Everyone, behind his smiling, caring mask, is a God-hater; everyone rejects Jesus and wants to be God himself. While this is hard to stomach, it is an important lesson to learn as we seek to share the gospel. As one person put it: 'It has taught me exactly how much in opposition to the Lord the world is. In spite of my father's initial indifference/being happy for me, he is still fully rejecting God ... I guess seeing this close up brings it to the fore a lot.'

Vigilant Christian living

The two lessons above lead naturally to the third. Spending regular, intimate time with unbelieving parents teaches Christians the importance of ongoing, genuine Christian living. Very easily Christians can compartmentalise their lives into two categories: one where they live in a very godly, 'Christian' way, and the other where they let their guard down and do what they want. Home can often come into the second category: a place to just 'switch off' and be selfish and lazy.

However, the Christian with unbelieving parents soon learns this business of categories isn't an option - it is important to live consistent Christian lives all of the time. Yes, we will all fall and fail - but our aim should be to live constantly as 'God's holy nation, a people for his possession, that we may declare the excellencies of him who called us out of darkness into his marvellous light'.

Conclusion

All the above lessons are hugely valuable and a great source of strength to the person who is faced with the ongoing sadness of having parents who reject God's gospel. However, they are also of benefit to those with believing parents, or to those of us who are parents ourselves, seeking to teach and model Christ to our children.

But, as we close, let's return to the overarching point we made as we started this series - that whoever we are, whatever family we come from, our true Father is in heaven. One day we will be at home with him, united forever with our real, everlasting family. Remembering that now will help us have the right expectations of our earthly families and help us to love them - whether they are Christians or not.

What's good about non-Christian parents?