Monthly column for youth leaders

Okay, so I've been told off for the 'fashion mags and make-up' comment! But what does make younger teenage girls different to boys to work with? Not being an authority I polled some other youth leaders, all female, about the fairer sex. Many thanks to these experts. The starting point is the same - we are looking for opportunities to train and disciple the girls biblically.

The impression I got from the experts was that working with teenage girls is less about getting out of your canoe and teaching the lost tribe. It is far more likely that the members of the 'tribe' will visit us and seek us out. So the 'missionary' work becomes more like the work of a guide. Helping the girls find their bearings in a confusing place, providing a fixed point from which to move out and explore a new city. One similarity with working with boys is that hard work is still necessary for long-term gain.

Practicalities

Teenage girls are concerned with individual identity, perhaps more than group culture. While 'tribes' exist among them there is more awareness of one's own appearance, acceptance and value. Belonging becomes an even bigger issue, because not belonging has a very personal edge. This difference manifests itself in several ways.

Self-esteem is at the top of the agenda for most girls. We know the medical problems that this can result in. But there are issues for us as cultural 'guides' too. Offhand remarks can be taken very seriously. Girls carefully monitor their perceived 'value' as an individual. The image projected on all social occasions is given much thought and work. Perhaps one of the more damaging outworkings is the tendency to use friendship as a currency within groups. This can result in devastating blows to young teenagers' self-worth.

The area of physical attraction is one that opens up to girls earlier than boys. This often shows itself in the fact that girls may start dating older boys rather than the other way around. There are two consequences of this. Firstly, for Christian girls this presents challenges about dating and relationships with non-Christians before it does for boys. Secondly, teenage girls can make unhelpful attachments to male youth leaders in a way that is far less common for boys with female leaders.

This only scratches the surface of the issues facing teenage girls. To the youth leader's advantage is the fact that girls are often more open than boys to personal work and Bible study. Less 'bridge-building' needs to be done. So try some of these ideas for working as a 'guide'.

A (hand!)-bag of ideas

Girls are keener on one-to-one (maybe more than studying in a group) so look for times to chat. That could mean going for coffee, or chatting while they help you prepare for a youth group night. I know a youth leader who gets help with the ironing while providing time to chat, so there could be advantages!

Move it on. All chat and nothing deeper is a dangerous place to end up. Some girls have the ability to talk away endlessly about semi-serious stuff, but this can become a defence mechanism against getting deep. Let the girls know that the talk is not the end point, but a stepping stone.

Girls can develop unhelpful attachments with male and female leaders. Their company is sought out in preference to the girl's peers and sometimes the relationship can become dependant. Present a clear time window for meetings, so that the limits are obvious. A pre-arranged start and finish time makes it easier to say good-bye.

Perhaps the most important thing is in the teaching. We can say all we like to teenagers about their image and we can read all the popular psychology books in the world to try and help them. But ultimately we need to teach from the Bible about having an identity in Christ. It is probably obvious (although it wasn't to me as a man) and it is relevant to both Christians and non-Christians. Non-Christians will only be cured of their identity crisis in Jesus and Christians must learn to turn to him rather than a glossy magazine for their growth.

A final disclaimer

I have portrayed younger teenage girls (and boys in the previous article) with broad brush strokes and there will be many young people known to you for whom not all of these things apply. Don't write and tell me where I am wrong - I know my inadequacies. As with most youth work matters, principles (what we are aiming at) are more important than programmes (frameworks for doing the job). Do go back to April's 'Showing their Teeth' article and ask whether you are joining with your group in the battle for their hearts.

Girl tribe

Practicalities

A (hand!)-bag of ideas

A final disclaimer

Roger Fawcett

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