Monthly column for youth leaders

There is a scene of incredible tension in the film Jaws. Three characters wait on a small fishing boat, knowing that the shark is out there. The sea is still, nothing moves. But the attack is inevitable. Very quietly the familiar music starts. 'Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum.' As the camera pans around an empty, glittering sea a dark triangle becomes visible in the distance. With gathering speed it approaches the boat. The attack becomes not just inevitable but imminent.

Does that music play in your head as you anticipate the youth group session? It plays quietly at first but louder and louder as the inevitability of your teenage 'sharks' becomes imminent. As the youth group begins, these human sharks roll their eyes and show the whites as you suggest starting with a prayer. When you bring the Bibles out they show their teeth - row upon row of shiny, white serrations. Vicious smiles from the same mouths that suggest this is boring; or start talking to their neighbour whenever you are talking. The same mouths that growl with difficult questions or flippant comments under the breath.

We can too easily see teenagers as the enemy. They need to be pacified in the youth group. They need a firm hand and very strict boundaries. The teenage years are viewed as a struggle or even a war. Many of us want to keep our heads down and pray for survival - 'roll on university, let's try to ride out the storm'.

Biblical guide

I have been helped enormously by a book called Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp. It is written for parents and the age of opportunity that provides the title are the teenage years. Its aim is to provide 'a Biblical guide to Parenting Teens' but the points it makes are very helpful for youth leaders dealing with teenagers. The fact that it is a 'Biblical Guide' is a rare thing, because the Bible is often the first casualty in our 'war' with teenagers. Its lack of presence is used as a primary negotiation tool in the diplomacy game. 'You can stay off church but only so long as you do your homework' or 'I did prepare a Bible study for youth group, but I can see you're all tired so how about dodge-ball!'

A point the book makes very early on is that we have mistaken the nature of the 'war' we are involved in. Instead of fighting against our teenagers we should be fighting alongside them. The battle that is being fought is a spiritual one, not a biological one. If we go to war over the 'biology' then the spiritual battle is as good as lost. The spiritual battle is the same as it is for every sinner, the battle for the heart, although this is an intensely focused battle during teenage years. The excellent argument made by Paul Tripp (and by Ted Tripp in a corresponding book for younger children - Shepherding a Child's Heart) is that we need to join with our teenagers in battle for their hearts.

Time to engage

As the title of the book suggests, there is no time that is a wrong time for engaging in the battle for the heart of a teenager. The encouragement of the book is to use every opportunity to bring the conversation around to spiritual matters. That moment when the teenager is confused and tearful or angry and spiteful is the right time to get alongside them and battle together. Putting things to one side for later or 'the right moment' (and who knows when that is anyway?) is a dangerous form of procrastination that will inevitably lead to 'gospel' moments being lost.

The whole thrust of the book squares the reality of working with teenagers. This is a reality in which small things matter. All these little moments do add up to the long-term goal of training young people to live godly lives based on a living faith in Jesus. To risk overusing the war analogy, we are engaged in a war of attrition. The enemy will not easily let go of young people and teenagers, because he knows how formative those years are and how much less likely a conversion is in later life. (And statistically the devil is right.)

Maybe this sounds like the book for you, whether you are a parent of a teenager or you teach them in a group on Fridays or Sundays. Hopefully you will have rushed out to find a copy before reading this paragraph because here comes a warning. Age of Opportunity is not just honest about young people. It is challenging and revealing about adults too. The book asks whether our idols get in the way of our teenagers' growth. It is clear about the fact that adults struggle with sinful desires and wrong thoughts too. The struggles teenagers go through expose our own weaknesses and that is why we are so often at odds with them.

The book is well written, making clear points and good use of Scripture. It has a study guide and would be useful for groups as well as individuals.

Paul David Tripp's book 'Age of Opportunity' costs £11.95 and is available from Evangelical Press (sales@evangelicalpress.org or telephone 01325 380232).

Showing their teeth

Biblical guide

Time to engage

Roger Fawcett

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