Mothers against violence

Three years ago my life changed dramatically through the death of my son, who was shot in Hulme, Manchester.

Dorrie was a vibrant lad with a caring heart and an undying loyalty to his friends. In fact, his death really opened my eyes to how much he was loved by the people around him. A comment of one of his friends may say it all: 'He cared more for me than my dad ever did.'

Till the fatal shooting, my life - work, church, family - was ticking over nicely. I raised six beautiful kids who were doing well in university, sport and other careers. When Dorrie was growing up, he was a much-appreciated pupil at school, with good reports that commented especially on his character and helpful attitude towards the younger kids. Yet in the third year of college a change occurred. Life became serious.

The brother of one of his friends who belonged to a gang was shot in the leg. Some time later, one of Dorrie's friends was shot in the chest and arm. Silly issue about a bike - yet grave consequences on the Manchester streets. A year later, three fatal gang shootings occurred in one week, one of which killed my son. Dorrie, who had never been in trouble with the police in his life, became the centre of a police enquiry through his death.

The gang is family

You do not raise kids without purpose and I am convinced you do not lose one of your kids without purpose either. For me, my pain and my faith became a window into the Manchester society. After his death, my house was filled with young people, parents and elderly people who live in the neighbourhood.

Some time later I met with a group of around 15 mothers who were fearful for the lives of their children, and who knew either a family member or friend who had been a victim of gang shootings or other violent acts, and 'Mothers Against Violence' was born.

Our deepest desire is to put something back into the community. Young people learn from us adults. I want to know why, when they grow up, the gangs have such an attraction despite all the violence. I have learned a lot from listening to them. A gang is their family. There is oneness, acceptance, agreement and togetherness in a gang, and many a time it is the only way of being listened to and being heard.

My son is not here

The Gangstop March earlier this year in our city was the result of a rising up within the community to aim for change. This was not an isolated march; it was the beginning of something new. When Gandhi marched for independence in India, when the mothers in Argentina march for their missing sons, something happens in the course of history. Suddenly the world sits up. My involvement with Mothers Against Violence (MAV) has brought me before great men. Tony Lloyd, MP for Manchester, arranged a meeting with the Prime Minister, Tony Blair. We were listened to. We talked about the moral values, about the social exclusion of young black men and children, about family matters.

Heaven help us

In MAV we have come alongside grieving parents, and parents who are concerned that their children will be caught up in gangs. We aim to go into schools and break the taboo about gangs and violence. We need to talk, and much more important, we need to listen. I am still not really used to the idea that my son is not here. He is still so much a part of our lives. The loss we feel in our family has given me compassion for young men. I am interested in what moves them and what they think.

Nelson Mandela commented on the struggle in South African society by saying: 'When women begin to take an active part, no power on earth can stop us from achieving freedom in our lifetime.' There is an enormous strength when people come together to join their vision, talent and energy in their aim to transform a part of the hurting society in which we live. Heaven help us if we become apathetic to the violence, numb to the pain, and deaf to the cry of the youth around us. In Manchester, mothers have become an active part of this struggle, with a steadfast commitment to see change come into our family and community life.

An invaluable Scripture comes from Malachi 4.6, which is key to the resolution of the problem: 'He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers'. There is wisdom in such age-old truths. In fact, it points to the need for dads also to become a spearhead in this movement for change. It calls upon the church to take on its parenting role towards a group in society who feel practically orphaned. We owe it to our children and ourselves to build a more gracious world than this.

Patsy lives in Hulme, Manchester, and is Chair of Mothers Against Violence, a Manchester organisation that aims to support grieving parents, connect with youth and engage with the politicians on the issue of gang violence in our city. MAV was part of the Gangstop March that took place in June.

Mothers against violence

The gang is family

My son is not here

Heaven help us

Further enquiries: Marijke Hoek on 07762 627568.

Patsy McKie

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