December 1999 - Evangelicals Now - Christian Newspaper

It is difficult to associate our happy, healthy adopted son with the neglected, silent, urine-soaked infant who lay in a bundle of rags in Romania nine years ago. The memory of that cold Romanian winter spent waiting for British social workers to decide on the 'child's best interests' and for the Romanian courts to weave their spell of corruption, confusion and delay, is thankfully our memory, not Joseph's (our son).

Today, if asked about his 'interests', Joseph would politely and enthusiastically explain his love of football and tell of his successes playing for the local Under 9's team. He also enjoys training hard at the local swimming club. He loves to go on bike rides and to play computer games. He would tell of his enjoyment in playing with his friends and will unashamedly express his love for his brother, his 'best friend' who is not adopted. In many ways, Joseph is a typical noisy, fun-loving, energetic nine year-old, whose bedroom wall boasts an array of achievement certificates in both sport and school work.

VIP treatment

These facts were just hopes as I carried Joseph off a flight from Romania to Heathrow in 1991. Fellow passengers insisted on giving us VIP treatment, allowing Joseph and I (rather reluctantly) to be first down the aircraft steps to the sound of their applause. There was an unreal, dream-like quality to those events nine years ago and yet our aim then, as now, was to provide a day-to-day normality for a child who had been living a nightmare.

After the relief of having Joseph in Britain, knowing he was physically healthy (our GP commented that Joseph was in better health than we were, following the ordeal!) and when the British adoption was finalised, we relaxed.

Next hurdle

However, the next hurdle was soon upon us. I noticed that, as a young child, Joseph found it difficult to carry out simple instructions; even though he was being stimulated, he would withdraw or 'blank out'. After two years in infant school, he became unhappy and demonstrated a very inconsistent performance. An assessment by an educational psychologist confirmed my suspicions. Joseph's profile showed areas of outstanding strength and ability with alarming weaknesses in mental processing skills. Experienced teachers of special needs had never seen such an irregular profile. This convinced me that the trauma of early sensory and emotional deprivation had left their mark on Joseph. As he found it difficult to follow simple house rules, we feared that school life would become an uphill struggle. As an experienced primary teacher myself, I knew Joseph was in need of a great deal of adult input, a highly structured programme of work including regular attainable goals with tangible rewards. Moreover, he needed to see himself as an achiever in school.

New school

Over a year ago, Joseph started a new school which offered small classes; a Christian teacher who could afford time to care for individual needs; a special needs teacher; and great sports facilities. Here he has grown in every way. Joseph no longer needs specialist support; he reads fluently and writes independently - even about imaginative journeys to Romania! The speed of his mental maths is astonishing, thanks to a daily diet of Kumon maths worksheets. He is becoming much more focused and motivated in school. He won the school's sports day trophy and has become a very popular class member during team games! It is so rewarding to see him view himself as a successful sportsman who happens to be both British and Romanian.

As Joseph's awareness of the world increases, he is taking on an ever-greater interest in the country of his birth. He enjoys contributing to the many appeals in churches and school for aid to Romania. His enthusiasm and natural curiosity to visit Romania is infectious - we are all looking forward to returning for a holiday . . . one day soon. In the meantime, we have tried to quench Joseph's thirst for knowledge by sorting through our 'Romania file' full of odd bits of pictures and mementoes. We found an EN article from November 1991 by Stephen Dray entitled 'Wheels within Wheels', which traced the long frustrating process of inter-country adoption of children who are in desperate, immediate need, just as Joseph was. Under the article is an encouragement from the editor to those with 'guts and determination' to go abroad and help a child in need: 'You can't change the world but you might for one!' Joseph, for one, can agree with that.

Privileged parents

There is no doubt in our minds that Joseph's adoption has been in all our 'best interests'. Joseph has strong, loving family support instead of a lonely rusty cot in a Romanian institution. We are privileged to be the parents of such an affectionate, expressive child. We are now vividly aware of the monumental efforts that some vulnerable children can and do make in order to gain what others take for granted. I now understand a little more about the rules of football and we all enjoy getting fit in order to keep up with Joseph! Above all, as Christians we can share with both our sons the experience of being the 'adopted' children of God regardless of our country of origin.

Another Joseph, another country

One family's story of an orphan adopted from Romania

VIP treatment

Next hurdle

New school

Privileged parents

Jill Evans

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